• You and I [needs to be re-written, or some parts]
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You and I [needs to be re-written, or some parts]
on: February 13, 2018, 22:37:23
« Last Edit: March 04, 2018, 02:41:00 by Lane »
THIS SONG I HAVE HAD FOREVER! I can`t get it right, it need to be re-written or someone to tell me to
throw it the hell out....I left a couple of tracks with this song so people can hear what and where I was going with it.

I guess no takers...lol

thank you all for your comments and listening    Lane



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Re: You and I [needs to be re-written, or some parts]
Reply #1 on: February 14, 2018, 13:05:36
I think the chorus is very strong and you need to work the verses a bit. I would definitely not abandon this one.

Here's a thought for that chorus:

didn`t we dance a little longer
in the pouring rain.
didn`t we get a little stronger...side-by side.
didn`t we love a little harder, you and I..
..did we really say good-bye
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


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Re: You and I [needs to be re-written, or some parts]
Reply #2 on: February 14, 2018, 19:19:50
« Last Edit: February 14, 2018, 19:22:07 by Lane »
Hi @Leonard Scaper hey Leonard you ever have one of those songs you just don`t have the heart for anymore?
I have worked this, and worked this, I thought i`d put it on and have others have a look, thats a good line you have for the chorus
I think I just put it up to share in this "board, I do thank all who lend their ideas..in case.  If we had a board to give songs away, this would be at the top of the list for me...I attached some sound to this song did you get to hear it?..ok...I see the tracks, is it ok? if I attach tracks in some songs?


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Re: You and I [needs to be re-written, or some parts]
Reply #3 on: February 15, 2018, 01:44:02
I listened to the tracks as well. I honestly think you should give this one even more time. I have had a few that I lost touch with but I always hung in there with them and found new life for them. I have one called "Sunday Knows" that has a good chorus like yours here but I can't get any verses to stick. I wrote that one ten years ago and I still play it, even in its unfinished form....I KNOW it will come to me eventually

If somebody connected with these tracks enough to make them their own that would be a pretty cool thing, though.



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Re: You and I [needs to be re-written, or some parts]
Reply #4 on: February 15, 2018, 20:44:23
« Last Edit: February 15, 2018, 20:49:51 by Lane »
hey @Leonard Scaper, anyone is welcome to take the song and make it their own..

I tried this, see what you think

 Sitting by the embers
I thought of you tonight
With the memories of a fire that burned so bright

2]
sometimes I think about you
I should let you go..
tonight I miss you
my heart keeps going back.

"chorus
didn`t we dance a little longer
in the pouring rain.
didn`t we get a little stronger...side-by side.
didn`t we love a little harder, you and I..
..and we said good-by
[or]  [.did we really say good-bye]

thanks Leonard for coming by...I m not alone here....lol

O` and i HAVE ANOTHER SOUND TRACK FOR THIS SONG,a little bit different, but follows the melody and lyric.


Re: You and I [needs to be re-written, or some parts]
Reply #5 on: February 15, 2018, 21:06:05
I'm no help with the song it, I've got some have had in the hopper for over 40 years. For me a song comes all at once or it's trouble. Hang in


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Re: You and I [needs to be re-written, or some parts]
Reply #6 on: February 15, 2018, 23:19:25
I have a feeling that statement is very true @Vince,  i tried to sit down last night, but couldn`t get into it.. thanks Vince for commenting, and your thoughts...


Re: You and I [needs to be re-written, or some parts]
Reply #7 on: February 19, 2018, 09:49:46
Cut it's heart out and give it a new home or bury it six feet under. My two cents
~Rich
We are the music makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams;—
World-losers and world-forsakers,
On whom the pale moon gleams:
Yet we are the movers and shakers
Of the world for ever, it seems.


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Re: You and I [needs to be re-written, or some parts]
Reply #8 on: February 19, 2018, 14:30:37
Cut it's heart out and give it a new home

I like that notion. I have done that.


Re: You and I [needs to be re-written, or some parts]
Reply #9 on: February 19, 2018, 18:03:38
Wait... @Bluedusksun , @Leonard Scaper   .......what does that mean in practical terms?   :-\
Bill
Songwriter, Keyboards, Arranger, Producer & Engineer for November Sound

November Sound is based on the Mother, Father & Son musical trio of Melissa, Bill & Will. I'm the father so anything I post will have my wife singing and/or my son playing percussion.


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Re: You and I [needs to be re-written, or some parts]
Reply #10 on: February 19, 2018, 20:59:21
« Last Edit: February 19, 2018, 21:01:18 by Lane »
  I think I know  what Bluedusksun and @Offline Leonard Scaper  is talking about..

thanks  Leonard I might stick this back in the file, maybe it will grow legs and walk off..or wings and fly....lol
I`ll have to weigh this song again. 


@Bill from November Sound,   I think I know  what @Bluedusksun and @Leonard Scaper  is talking about.. thank you guys for commenting.


Re: You and I [needs to be re-written, or some parts]
Reply #11 on: February 19, 2018, 22:10:43
Well I will try to clarify myself, but I'm not promising anything ;).

I speak with pretty archaic musical terminology, and besides I was just being overly melodramatic lol.

I should state that almost every person I've talked to has had a different way of going about the writing process. There is no right way, just personal preference.

Usually it always starts out simple, but at some point it crosses a threshold of certainty, and the whole of the song usually becomes apparent.

Now the way I work is that I end up writing an entire song in like three days, get it into decent demo form, and then move on. When I go back to it, it's usually with a fresh perspective. The only problem I have found is this, when a song is compounded over time (meaning changed too much from the original), it tends to be hard to remember that original idea that got you going, hence that disconnect you feel for it.

So with that being said, what I pretty much meant was to take the core of the song, the best idea from it, the underlying emotion, or even just the catchy hook part (Whatever stands out most to you), and toss everything else aside and start over. It can be hard to do this, and honestly some songs you just don't get back around to.

I think if it doesn't happen sometimes your not looking at it in the right light/at the right angle. Sometimes you need to collab, sometimes aim for something more simple, or just impart your creative energy into something new, and then try to merge them. There's a couple ways to go about it, just don't let it get to you.

Also it helps to understand your own writing process, of course.
Long nights

~Rich 


Re: You and I [needs to be re-written, or some parts]
Reply #12 on: February 19, 2018, 22:11:51
Cut it's heart out and give it a new home

I like that notion. I have done that.

It always hurts to do, but in the end the sacrifice is usually worth it.

~Rich


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Re: You and I [needs to be re-written, or some parts]
Reply #13 on: February 20, 2018, 01:14:58
@Bluedusksun,

you didn`t have to "clarify Rich. I pretty much
wanted to wish it on someone else ..or can it..I said that when I posted it..
just wanted to throw it out there and see what others thoughts.
I`ve done that a couple of times thinking I can save it....lol

I have done some songs like you..got them demoed with music,  and went back to change lyric.

 (Whatever stands out most to you), and toss everything else aside and start over. It can be hard to do this,] this is the take I got from the comments from you and Leonard....to be honest I think I was already there..


Re: You and I [needs to be re-written, or some parts]
Reply #14 on: February 20, 2018, 17:16:39
Sorry Lane, I was mainly responding to @Bill from November Sound, Then I sort of trailed of and had a conversation with myself for five minutes.

It's a really pretty song. Have you thought about changing the song from acoustic to full band? Or maybe adding something like brush drums or a guitar lead, or something else besides just guitar. Maybe the songs done?

The chorus really comes together, so I'd say leave that alone. I think the bridge could be twice as longer before hitting that last chorus. You should probably end it with the “and we said good-bye. Besides that the verses are clean cut, and everything works? I heard you say it's an old song, how old is it if you don't mind me asking?

To be honest, I think I am going to have to get used to all you guys being pretty much professional recording artists. Much love

~Rich



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