Author Topic: "As Far as I'm Aware" - Rock ballad  (Read 46 times)

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Offline LifeIsAMinefield

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"As Far as I'm Aware" - Rock ballad
« on: October 11, 2017, 14:50:35 »
I've tried my hand at a more laid back, smooth ballad. It's about being attracted to someone very shy and mysterious, and how everyone is trying to win her over despite knowing so little.

I borrowed one line from an unreleased Arctic Monkeys song "Sandtrap" in the bridge ("Ring out...all towards") as I just couldn't think of anything more perfect to go there. Everything else however is all from my own noggin.

---

Blatantly there's light within the fire,
Moisture in the pool,
Deceit within denial
And an angel in my view.
I'm just wishing that I knew
A little bit more about who

And what you are,
And why you are that way.
I didn't get that far
But at least I know which lane
I needed to take
To exit the motorway.

[Chorus]
Have you been drinking, little bluetit?
Can you walk in a straight line?
If you've had less than two units
I'm sure that you will be fine.
I'm not certain you're the right age,
Oh they pay me well to care,
You could be doing nothing wrong
As far as I'm aware

But I want you to be,
I hope there's some shred of dishonesty
Under there.

I want to rejoin the streets
And treat myself and pedicure
My tired little feet.
At last I've figured out that you're
Exactly what I need.
Oh, yes, you can be the heat.

Let me put you with the fuel
And I'll supply the oxygen.
We'll burn hotter than blue,
I see us eclipsing even
The coppers and the firemen,
Oh they'll have no subtle clue what hit 'em.

Have you been drinking, little bluetit?
Can you walk in a straight line?
If you've had less than two units
I'm sure that you will be fine.
I'm not certain you're the right age,
Oh they pay me well to care,
You could be doing nothing wrong
As far as I'm aware

But I want you to be,
I hope there's some shred of dishonesty
Under there.

Stratocasters
Ring out like the calenture that you sent us all towards.
Master Blasters
Make a jingle and a chime despite ongoing wars.
Sacrifices
And offerings they make do tend to warm up the discourse
But never seem to
Completely obsoletify what it was that kicked it off.

Blatantly there's stars within those eyes,
A typewriter in your brain.
Your hesitance is your disguise
And I can't mask my disdain,
Walking the other way
Along the other lane
Not seeing you next day.

Offline Leonard Scaper

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Re: "As Far as I'm Aware" - Rock ballad
« Reply #1 on: October 11, 2017, 15:24:33 »
Interesting and descriptive lyrics. You definitely caught my attention with that very first line and kept it throughout with your phrasing and word choices (calenture, obsoletify).

Your hesitance is your disguise.....nice line there.

I always wonder, with a complex piece like this, just how it will make the transition from poetry to song.....or even if it should. This has a very cool presence already as a spoken word kind of piece.
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Offline LifeIsAMinefield

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Re: "As Far as I'm Aware" - Rock ballad
« Reply #2 on: October 11, 2017, 19:05:05 »
@Leonard Scaper I just realised that "obsoletify" isn't actually a word. It should be "obscolesce". It actually fits better, I think. "Antiquate" also means the same. Which do you think fits better?

Also, I have been forming a tune to go with the song. It's not just a poem.

Offline Leonard Scaper

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Re: "As Far as I'm Aware" - Rock ballad
« Reply #3 on: October 11, 2017, 20:32:40 »
 :) :)

Oh, I knew you were working on this as a song. I'm looking forward to hearing it because it could be a very cool piece as these lyrics may be complex but you have already established an interesting cadence on paper.

Hmmmm.........I see the words obsolesce and antiguate as something that happens to something as it grows old whereas your verse:

And offerings they make do tend to warm up the discourse
But never seem to
Completely obsoletify what it was that kicked it off.


.....implies that something was done to the discourse to make it seem old. I might consider something like corrupt or degrade in that spot. I like corrupt but I would choose antiquate over obsolesce.

I have read through these lyrics a few times now and each time I like them a bit more.

 8)

Offline LifeIsAMinefield

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Re: "As Far as I'm Aware" - Rock ballad
« Reply #4 on: October 13, 2017, 00:58:18 »
@Leonard Scaper I've rewritten the bridge, as I wasn't too happy with borrowing the line.

Stratocasters
Tell a whining and a sonic boom of never opened doors.
Master Blasters
Make a jingle and a chime ring out despite ongoing wars.
Sacrifices
They offer tend to microwave and warm up the discourse
But never seem to
Completely deconstruct what it was that had kicked it off.


I was initially playing with the audio-imagery of the whining of a creaky door, but I also found a metaphor; it kind of also references unexplored and unadventured options. So many people weep because they never got anywhere with the girl.

As for antiquate/obsoletify, I went with "deconstruct" again for the imagery. It sounds like something that you want to  avoid, while antiquate sounds like something natural and expected.


 


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