• Dost Thou Take (War Song)
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Dost Thou Take (War Song)
on: April 17, 2020, 18:38:59
So often am I seeing songs written of politics. What the people at the top do, what they say, what we believe they're thinking. But never why. With this song (still in progress) I want to give the listener an idea of why people are the way they are. The effects of abuse, trauma, suffering and they shape us into the functioning members of society we are today. Also the accompanying music is yet to be written. Anyways I'll shut up and let you read on! Without further ado, from the perspective of a United States Marine, in the style of "Imagine" - John Lennon. I give you "Dost Thou Take".

Did your mother,
Beat you to the floor?
Well since greedy is good,
Did you beg her for more?
No leader is perfect,
We know that for sure.
But it takes an animal,
To violate the poor.

As the right dishonourable gentleman,
Dost thou take this country in your arms?
To stand rightfully behind bars?
Without love,
Or without a get out of jail free card.

Take it down just to hide it all away,
A war within a home ain't no sacred space.
Scabbed up to your eyes,
Submission to the system,
Raining metal from the skies.


Hey!!! Thanks for reading all the way through, I'd love to hear what you think? Anything you would add yourselves? Anything you loved in particular? Feel free to send me a message or reply to the post! All opinions welcome!

Thanks,
Lewis   ::headphone::


Re: Dost Thou Take (War Song)
Reply #1 on: April 17, 2020, 23:13:02
Hi @LewisMac  Welcome to the kitchen! I do hope you'll take some time to look around. We have music creators from all over the world at all different skill levels.
Please consider introducing yourself in the "Me" section.  :)

Very deep and thoughtful lyrics in this. To me this is so much better than the typical modern day attempts at political protest songs coming from our pop culture.  :ok:
Right now it reads as a poem to me. Would you be able to label chorus, verse, bridge etc?
I'd love to hear some type of performance to get an idea of how it will sound. Could you make a private SoundCloud link or unlisted YouTube video?
 
Bill
Songwriter, Keyboards, Arranger, Producer & Engineer for November Sound

November Sound is based on the Mother, Father & Son musical trio of Melissa, Bill & Will. I'm the father so anything I post will have my wife singing and/or my son playing percussion.


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Re: Dost Thou Take (War Song)
Reply #2 on: April 18, 2020, 00:11:55
Very deep and thoughtful lyrics in this. To me this is so much better than the typical modern day attempts at political protest songs coming from our pop culture.  :ok:
Right now it reads as a poem to me. Would you be able to label chorus, verse, bridge etc?
I'd love to hear some type of performance to get an idea of how it will sound. Could you make a private SoundCloud link or unlisted YouTube video?
[/quote]

Hey Bill, thanks for reading this! It really means a lot! I'll be definitely working on this one soon and when it's finished it's going straight in here!

I totally agree with you on that front, the song needs a little structure to it, right now it doesn't have much momentum.

Also Ill check out that "me" section you mentioned!

Peace!
Lewis


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Re: Dost Thou Take (War Song)
Reply #3 on: April 19, 2020, 09:43:32
I'll try and explain my point of view as subtle as I know how to.  I am not angry or anything. Just in case you think I am.
The subtleties of a foreign language is always difficult if we don't know each other and aren't face to face.

There's a serious Dutch study about the 'fabric' of CEO's that were in power in (I believe) 2008.
And they didn't make a beautiful, let alone trustworthy picture. Most of them have serious personality problems.

Look what happen to the KLM last week. Kicking out all the flex workers, asking for State support to meet the cost of running the company. And at the same time trying to double the annual bonus for the CEO. An attempt that failed. Thank God.

Now, I'm not University trained for being a psychiatrist, but some common sense and empathy tells me the guys at the top lost their connection with earth. Or at least the kind of place I live.

So, to come to the point, I am a simple guy, a writer, a happy person. And I dont have to do in depth research into the state of mind of CEO's. For me the result counts.  And I do like reckless parties, so I write about that. And I write about the CEO's too. Call it social comment.

Write about anything you want, and preferably here in da Kitchen. But I hope that you understand why I'm not (and I am not alone) equipped for your kind of writing @LewisMac

But I'm an optimist; maybe some of you will rub off on me? Good luck with this unique text.
Kind regards, Gus


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Re: Dost Thou Take (War Song)
Reply #4 on: April 19, 2020, 19:28:44
great lyrics @LewisMac
very actual and strong, in my opinion  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 :thumbsup: :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes:
me, myself, and Pie


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Re: Dost Thou Take (War Song)
Reply #5 on: April 19, 2020, 20:13:57
@LePlongeur @Dutchbeat

Thanks for your support, I'm so grateful!

What sort of stuff do you guys usually do on here?
 Are you more a fan of writing lyrics? Arrangements? or music?


Re: Dost Thou Take (War Song)
Reply #6 on: April 19, 2020, 21:32:49
« Last Edit: April 19, 2020, 21:36:19 by Bill from November Sound »
@LePlongeur @Dutchbeat

Thanks for your support, I'm so grateful!

What sort of stuff do you guys usually do on here?
 Are you more a fan of writing lyrics? Arrangements? or music?

Hi @LewisMac .
It depends on what section you go to.  :)
Here you are in the "lyrics" section of our forum.

If you go to "Songs For Review" it is more arrangement and mostly production pointers in my experience. Of course it depends ( in theory) on the question you ask when you start your thread.
https://www.songwriter-forum-kitchen.com/forum/songs-for-review/2/

We also have a section for "Collaborations" which is more of a classifieds page so to speak
https://www.songwriter-forum-kitchen.com/forum/collaborations/21/

"Songwriting Ingredients" is to share advice about writing, mixing, producing etc.
https://www.songwriter-forum-kitchen.com/forum/songwriting-ingredients/26/


If you care to start out on the homepage you'll also see the kitchen cafe, other arts, information and the ME section.
https://www.songwriter-forum-kitchen.com/forum/index.php

Cheers
-11 ::Note::



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Re: Dost Thou Take (War Song)
Reply #7 on: April 28, 2020, 20:56:48
Welcome to the Forum @LewisMac

I liked the line
"But it takes an animal,
To violate the poor."

That could be repeated later on in a changed form,
e.g.

"But it takes an village,
To educate the child."

etc.
Looking forward seeing how this develops.

new guitar 4-6-2020 https://soundcloud.com/oorlab/12string-demo1 12string Cort.



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