• Heart on a Stick. (maybe punkish/uptempo)
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Heart on a Stick. (maybe punkish/uptempo)
on: April 18, 2019, 11:38:15
This was a bit of an experiment a year or two ago.  Was going for a slight punkish feel. I've just given it a couple more tweaks before posting.

Written with male vocals in mind.

Constructive critique welcome, also regarding the structure. I'm on the fence about bridge line 1.


Heart on a Stick

Chorus
If you want me you can have me
If you pass the acid test
If you want me you can have me
But take me as I am
Then we can decide the rest

V1
Baby, Iíll give you my heart on a stick
But Iíll dip it in vinegar first
Donít expect the results to be quick
ĎCause more is at stake than your thirst

V2
Baby, Iíll give you my heart on a stick
But I warn you, your bubble might burst
If weíre not an impeccable fit
You havenít seen me at my worst

Chorus
If you want me you can have me
If you pass the acid test
If you want me you can have me
But take me as I am
Then we can decide the rest

V3
Baby, Iíll give you my heart on a stick
But Iím now testing things in reverse
Waiting to see if our tempíraments click
Or whether your lines are rehearsed
 
Bridge
Canít fool me with fables
Iím finally able
To know when to give
Or hold back
No more love at first sight
I spent too much time
On the rack

Chorus
If you want me you can have me
If you pass the acid test
If you want me you can have me
But take me as I am
Then we can decide the rest

© 2019 Donna Devine
Honour the earth. Without It, we'd be nowhere. - D.D.


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Re: Heart on a Stick. (maybe punkish/uptempo)
Reply #1 on: April 19, 2019, 23:51:01
« Last Edit: April 19, 2019, 23:58:28 by Mar T. »
Hey @DonMar ,

These lyrics resonate with me, I'd be happy to help writing a rock-ish/punk-ish song using them and adding my male singing. My usual disclaimer is the lack of time (and in the available time I also have some personal music projects going). I think I can manage to do it this year, but I cannot be more precise, timing wise.

Of course only if you think my vocal/songwriting work 'works' for what you have in mind. On my soundcloud page you can find some rock-ish tunes I've written over time.

So I'd be happy to accept the 'job', but please feel free to reject my offer, I promise I won't feel offended in that case. I know it's all about taste..

Cheers!

Mar T.
:mart:
I'm proud of this track, check it out! https://soundcloud.com/martimedia/dreams


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Re: Heart on a Stick. (maybe punkish/uptempo)
Reply #2 on: April 20, 2019, 13:36:18
Hi, @Mar T.  Thanks! Sure, I'd be pleased to have you add your music & vocals to my lyric.  :) I'm glad it resonated with you. Not every lyric is everybody's cup of tea.  ;)

(I wrote the lyric originally as an experiment in the punk-rock genre.  it was much edgier/raw (even had swearing in it ;D). Then I decided to rewrite it simply as a kind of skewed but hopeful love song.  ;) )

I did listen to a few of your rock pieces. Impressive!

Time's not a problem. Simply send me a PM whenever you're ready to get going on the piece.

Donna


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Re: Heart on a Stick. (maybe punkish/uptempo)
Reply #3 on: April 21, 2019, 01:29:37
Cheers @DonMar , looking forward to collab with you!


Re: Heart on a Stick. (maybe punkish/uptempo)
Reply #4 on: May 02, 2019, 12:59:22
Absolutely love the imagery you've used in this! Playing at the senses 'acid', 'vinegar'. Really great!


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Re: Heart on a Stick. (maybe punkish/uptempo)
Reply #5 on: May 05, 2019, 07:29:52
Thank you, @Troispr:) So pleased you enjoyed the lyric. It wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea ... err... vinegar.  :D

Donna


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Re: Heart on a Stick. (maybe punkish/uptempo)
Reply #6 on: May 31, 2019, 00:13:24
Great words for a song @DonMar - I like the imagery and rhythm.

Will be great to hear this as a song from @Mar T.

cheers


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Re: Heart on a Stick. (maybe punkish/uptempo)
Reply #7 on: November 07, 2019, 01:02:23
Started composing the instrumental and here is the intermediate result:
https://soundcloud.com/martimedia/heartonastickverse/s-IFNFJ

It's a sketch.. just sharing the process. If anybody has TOP or TIP pointers, let us know!

@DonMar , earlier you wrote:
'I'm on the fence about bridge line 1'

I actually like that line! Do you want to alter that line? Let me know plz before I start recording my lead-vocal singing..

Btw do you sing? And if so: do you like to have your vocal sound included in the end result?

Cheers, Love and Peace,
Mar T.
:mart:
:bloodymarti:


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Re: Heart on a Stick. (maybe punkish/uptempo)
Reply #8 on: November 07, 2019, 19:09:44
HA  :o :o :o :thumbsup: :thumbsup: @team @DonMar and @Mar T.   ;D ;D ;D

that certainly is... "maybe punkish / uptempo" @Mar T. , as @DonMar invisioned it.....

this is...serious competition...already....for the collab challenge  :yes: :yes:  :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:

sounds gooooooood  8) 8) 8) 8)
me, myself, and Pie


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Re: Heart on a Stick. (maybe punkish/uptempo)
Reply #9 on: November 07, 2019, 19:24:01
« Last Edit: November 07, 2019, 19:54:47 by DonMar »
@Mar T. , I"m fine with that first line. If you like it, run with it. ;)

And you definitely don't want my vocal in the end result. :D

Donna


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Re: Heart on a Stick. (maybe punkish/uptempo)
Reply #10 on: December 03, 2019, 01:30:17
@DonMar , first test with vocals, heavily searching and in the exploration phase..
Is this usable?

https://soundcloud.com/martimedia/heartonastickvocaltest/s-MVU33

Lots to be tweaked, just a sketch of 1 verse and 1 chorus..


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Re: Heart on a Stick. (maybe punkish/uptempo)
Reply #11 on: December 03, 2019, 05:20:36
sounding good!

Your voice sounds different @Mar T.  - lots of attitude with a bit of agreesion!

cheers


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Re: Heart on a Stick. (maybe punkish/uptempo)
Reply #12 on: December 03, 2019, 11:39:18
Coming along nicely, @Mar T.   :)


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Re: Heart on a Stick. (maybe punkish/uptempo)
Reply #13 on: December 03, 2019, 20:46:24
This is going to be awesome @Mar T. and @DonMar  :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes:

you sound extremely cool Marti  :o :o :o :o


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Re: Heart on a Stick. (maybe punkish/uptempo)
Reply #14 on: December 04, 2019, 00:19:24
Cheers @Jurgen , @DonMar and @Dutchbeat !!
Donna, does the way I sing the words match the meter you had in mind? Prob not going to match anyway, but feel free to help me choose..
Jurgen, I'm trying to do exactly that, but I hear it doesn't always sound like me. And maybe even too 'cheesy' and 'sweet'. 10 days left to deliver a compromise ;-)
 :pompom: DB, really? Does it have the raw edges you always express to want to hear in my recordings?  :pompom:



xx
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