• Into the Dunes
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Into the Dunes
on: March 31, 2019, 20:09:07
« Last Edit: May 08, 2019, 20:34:05 by DonMar »
Constructive feedback is welcome. :)

I hear it relatively up-tempo, male or female vocals - preferably male, I think.

Originally, the chorus was simply the first four lines. I added the last two in order to repeat the hook/title. But maybe it's overkill.

A little dark & moody, the story isn't beginning-middle-end, but more  impressionistic, and  intended to convey an emotional state. The question is: Does it work?

UPDATE 1: Meanwhile, I've made a slight change in V2 and have added an outro. UPDATE 2: Now with a collaborator.  :)

Donna

Into the Dunes

V1
We池e so many miles and a world-view apart
But listening to my hammering heart
It tells me to leap ... to take a chance
On tomorrow

Chorus
I知 going to follow you Into the dunes
Of your ever-shifting mind
Follow you faithfully into the ruins
You always leave behind
Follow you, follow you, follow you
Into the dunes

V2
I値l never again try to fetter your wings
For life only offers us so many things
It tells me to leap ... that Time痴 not a coin
I can borrow

Chorus
I知 going to follow you into the dunes
Of your ever-shifting mind
Follow you faithfully into the ruins
You always leave behind
Follow you, follow you, follow you
Into the dunes

Bridge
So drive the nails into my palms
Or sing your ambiguous barbed-wire songs
Whether I laugh or whether I weep
I made the choice, I知 yours to keep

Chorus
I知 going to follow you into the dunes
Of your ever-shifting mind
Follow you faithfully into the ruins
You always leave behind
Follow you, follow you, follow you
Into the dunes

Outro
Into the movable feast of your mind
Into the ruins you leave behind
I'll follow you, follow you, follow you
Into the dunes


ゥ Donna Devine
Honour the earth. Without It, we'd be nowhere. - D.D.


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Re: Into the Dunes
Reply #1 on: March 31, 2019, 21:12:34
I like this. You give us some very vibrant and dynamic images.....hammering heart and  dunes of your ever shifting heart. And I LOVE the image of ambiguous barbed wire songs.

This is definitely not overkill, it really conveys that emotional state.....and, yes, it definitely works.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

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Re: Into the Dunes
Reply #2 on: March 31, 2019, 23:49:25
Hey @DonMar , thanks for sharing with us, wonderful words!

What I 'hear' is that somebody (the 1st person) is unsure about the 'meaning of the relationship' with the 3rd person, but decides to give it a chance and accept the good and the bad. Is that the essence of what you're trying to say with these beautiful words?
Love the imagery here, I have no suggestions at all ;-)
Cheers!
Mar T.
:mart:
I'm proud of this track, check it out! https://soundcloud.com/martimedia/dreams


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Re: Into the Dunes
Reply #3 on: April 01, 2019, 10:16:18
« Last Edit: April 01, 2019, 12:01:02 by DonMar »
@Leonard Scaper , thank you for your feedback. Glad you enjoyed the imagery.  :)

@Mar T. , I知 pleased you enjoyed the imagery as well. You池e right about the narrator being unsure about the meaning/nature of the relationship. But he痴 going to give it a second chance, determined now to accept the positive with the negative.

I wonder whether V2 is clear enough about that? (選値l never again/Try to clip your wild wings.) I might need to make that more obvious.

Also, I hope the meaning in lines 3 & 4 in V2 is clear: the narrator is saying that the things life offers are limited. The word 双nly is what keeps that meaning different from 鼠ife offers us many things.  ;)

If anyone else reads & comments, maybe they値l indicate whether they feel the meaning in the lyric is clear. For sure,  'The devil is in the details'. ;)

Donna


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Re: Into the Dunes
Reply #4 on: April 07, 2019, 12:44:02
Hi,
This is a great song and your lyrics are clearly well crafted and deliver exactly what you致e described - no issues. I do think a male singer would add something, but it works either way.
G
valar morghulis
GTB


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Re: Into the Dunes
Reply #5 on: April 07, 2019, 19:54:14
Thank you, @GTB:) I'm glad the lyric is clear for you. I agree regarding vocals. They could be male or female, but I lean towards male.

Donna


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Re: Into the Dunes
Reply #6 on: April 08, 2019, 00:11:44
Great lyrics. Is there any connection to the science fiction story Dune?
recommending https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_Music_Works "How music works", book by David Byrne.


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Re: Into the Dunes
Reply #7 on: April 08, 2019, 06:25:28
« Last Edit: April 08, 2019, 06:55:44 by DonMar »
@oorlab, thank you.  :)

Nope, no connection at all to 'Dune'. Though you've reminded me what a brilliant trilogy it was.  :)
(And I've written a few lyrics/songs that have been inspired by science fiction.)

Donna


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Re: Into the Dunes
Reply #8 on: April 08, 2019, 07:33:35
@DonMar - nice to know, I'd love to read your sci-fi lyrics. I once had the silly idea of writing a musical about Dune :-). In the end I had one song, called The mighty maker (about the worms) :-)


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Re: Into the Dunes
Reply #9 on: April 09, 2019, 12:45:57
« Last Edit: April 09, 2019, 13:28:03 by DonMar »
@oorlab, well, those worms were  pretty impressive.  :D  A few years ago, I wrote what I intended to be a 5-part sci-fi theatrical prog-rock suite. But only three songs are finished (or maybe it's two - I've forgotten  ::)).

About 8 years ago, I watched the cult sci-fi movie 'Silent Running', and wrote a three part lyric based on it  (though I took poetic licence with part 3, and created a new ending for the little android and the forest). The song though is veeerrrrrry long at over 17 minutes.

Do you know the wonderful 'Babylon 5' series? It was made a long time ago, but I only watched it in about 2012. It inspired a couple of lyrics/songs as well. (Nothing is safe.  ;))

For your interest, here's one part of the suite I mentioned. The song's longish, at a little over 5 minutes.
Might not be your cup of tea, but I sure loved writing the lyric.  :) (You can see it by clicking on 'More' under the music graph.)

'Don't Look Back'

https://soundcloud.com/donmar-2/dont-look-back/s-4Zf2R



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Re: Into the Dunes
Reply #10 on: April 09, 2019, 15:31:07
The lyrics are fantastic @DonMar . So visual ... that's how I roll musically and the 'ever shifting mind' works nicely with the feel of the ever shifting sand of actual dunes.  The word Unstably sums this up for me as it suggests somebody who might be level-headed committing to a kaleidoscopic future even though they know that it might not be good for them. Verse 1 sets it up nicely.

I like long stuff, in fact your 17 mins tops my Pro Rock Monster 'Lighthouse Keeper' at only 16.5 minutes.  ;D

I'm just listening to Don't Look Back - nice job and again very visual. I love songs that tell a tale and this one works for me. Some good Vox too.

All Interesting ... it's great having somebody who takes care over the meaning of words.   ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::

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"Love and Life is all about connections"


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Re: Into the Dunes
Reply #11 on: April 26, 2019, 09:50:42
« Last Edit: April 26, 2019, 13:54:11 by DonMar »
@MrBouzouki, I apologise for being this late getting back to your post. Thank you so much for your very nice comments.  :) Your interpretation is correct on all counts. ;)

I'm pleased you enjoyed 'Don't Look Back'. It's one of my own favourites. My collaborators did a wonderful job with the music & vocals.

Donna



xx
Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar

Started by oorlab on Songs for review

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