• Is this too cheesy?
  • Started by Bill from November Sound
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Is this too cheesy?
on: May 02, 2020, 00:52:44
No, really.  ;D
One of us thinks this is the best song I've ever written and the other one thinks this is really cheesy.
Of course, I have noticed that sometimes the songs that are "cheesy" are the favorites of the audience. Well, what little audience we have I mean.
What do you think?   :-\
I still need to make a bridge.


verse:
Tell me I canít go outside:
those influential few.
Tell me that the world has changed.
Well, thatís what people do.

Iím still me and youíre still you. Letís be in love.

chorus:

Stay the same. We are who we are.
My wings were broken long ago and youíre my falling star.
No need to change my sad biography.
Reflection in the mirror that I no longer see.

Youíre still you and Iím still me.

verse:

Tell me time to stay away but
 thatís so hard to do.
Tell me that what might have been
was never really true

Iím still me and youíre still you. Letís be in love.

Chorus:

Stay the same. We are who we are.
My wings were broken long ago and youíre my falling star.
No need to change my sad biography.
Reflection in the mirror that I no longer see.

Youíre still you and Iím still me.
Bill
Songwriter, Keyboards, Arranger, Producer & Engineer for November Sound

November Sound is based on the Mother, Father & Son musical trio of Melissa, Bill & Will. I'm the father so anything I post will have my wife singing and/or my son playing percussion.


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Re: Is this too cheesy?
Reply #1 on: May 02, 2020, 09:47:03
No, don't think so. It's a complete/completely different take on a love song.
I love it actually.

You're actually quite good in finding new angles. I was waiting for you to say: OK Zoomer to me.

You still have a chance.
Kind regards, Gus


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Re: Is this too cheesy?
Reply #2 on: May 02, 2020, 21:18:17
these read like genuine and awsome lyrics to me, and not too sweet

just right  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: nice

me, myself, and Pie


Re: Is this too cheesy?
Reply #3 on: May 05, 2020, 18:01:34
Cheesy @Bill from November Sound  would be preforming this wearing a polyester leisure suite with lots of bling,  I don't think this is though. One suggestion I would make  is "my wings were clipped long ago" not broken.

Off topic - moving this weekend !!!! seems like it's been forever

Vince
 
Vince


Re: Is this too cheesy?
Reply #4 on: May 05, 2020, 18:25:09
Cheesy @Bill from November Sound  would be preforming this wearing a polyester leisure suite with lots of bling,  I don't think this is though. One suggestion I would make  is "my wings were clipped long ago" not broken.

Off topic - moving this weekend !!!! seems like it's been forever

Vince
 

Hi @Vince 

Why "clipped"? I wonder? Is that in reference to what you do to a pet bird?
I was refering more to celestial beings. I also need that two syllable word there .....  ???

So this it? Are you coming over here to Delaware?  .... Maryland?   


Re: Is this too cheesy?
Reply #5 on: May 05, 2020, 18:47:12
@Bill from November Sound  I just thought clipped because I was thinking of a bird that wanted to fly free, but was stuck on the ground because somebody clipped their wings. Also, it's kind of slang for someone who use to run around free as a bird until someone clipped their wings.

Maryland's Eastern Shore. My wife's got a letter from HQ saying she's essential so hopefully we won't have any trouble (she's been running the company at home)

If not someone will clip our wings and we will be jail birds.  :blackgrin: 


Re: Is this too cheesy?
Reply #6 on: May 23, 2020, 19:21:58
Itís a good solid lyric @Bill from November Sound ... I smell a little cheese 🧀 but there are so many great songs that come off cheesy ... even amateur, when read as a poem. If the music is right and the performance heartfelt 💗it will be a tear jerker... 😢

I donít think it needs a bridge (careful ... it could break the mood) but then... I havenít heard it yet. 😎


Re: Is this too cheesy?
Reply #7 on: May 23, 2020, 19:46:29
Itís a good solid lyric @Bill from November Sound ... I smell a little cheese 🧀 but there are so many great songs that come off cheesy ... even amateur, when read as a poem. If the music is right and the performance heartfelt 💗it will be a tear jerker... 😢

I donít think it needs a bridge (careful ... it could break the mood) but then... I havenít heard it yet. 😎

Ha, ha @1roomstudio  ... we'll see, we'll see!   :D   That is true.  :)

Yeah, I've since added a bridge but it's nothing brilliant lyrically. As usual our music is very pop sounding.


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Re: Is this too cheesy?
Reply #8 on: May 27, 2020, 17:33:10
excellent write @Bill from November Sound ,  but to me , "Iím still me and youíre still you. Letís be in love."
gets out of the gate to early, know that I mean?  a little more said then spring this on her....lol   thats just me.

good work.    @Lane


Re: Is this too cheesy?
Reply #9 on: May 27, 2020, 18:35:16
excellent write @Bill from November Sound ,  but to me , "Iím still me and youíre still you. Letís be in love."
gets out of the gate to early, know that I mean?  a little more said then spring this on her....lol   thats just me.

good work.    @Lane

ha ha good @Lane  Ö of course it's a her who's singing it  ;)   

The idea behind it is kind of coming from a broken place like Ö. this is who we are Ö.we don't have anything better do so we might as well. But, yeah, it doesn't really translate that mood lyrically.  :-\ 
I wonder if the music will help the message to come across?  ::)


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Re: Is this too cheesy?
Reply #10 on: May 27, 2020, 19:28:50
excellent write @Bill from November Sound ,  but to me , "Iím still me and youíre still you. Letís be in love."
gets out of the gate to early, know that I mean?  a little more said then spring this on her....lol   thats just me.

good work.    @Lane

ha ha good @Lane  Ö of course it's a her who's singing it  ;)   

The idea behind it is kind of coming from a broken place like Ö. this is who we are Ö.we don't have anything better do so we might as well. But, yeah, it doesn't really translate that mood lyrically.  :-\ 
I wonder if the music will help the message to come across?  ::)
@Bill from November Sound
oops my bad.
but you are right, never know what will work till it all gets mixed,  and then there is that rule, get right to the meat, don`t bore the listener, so it works there. I`ll stop back and listen.  hope all is good in your world.   Lane



xx
cheesy drumset......

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