• It Hurts
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It Hurts
on: April 25, 2018, 09:17:26
« Last Edit: April 27, 2018, 23:24:59 by irwin »
This it a rewrite (3rd draft)


IT HURTS
©2014 - 2018 IRWIN ABRIGO

(VERSE 1)
Plan to live my whole life through
with me and you, You said youíd wanted that too
When we met I had wanted
A love to be devoted
Now Iím at home all alone                                                                                     
Itís cold, snow is falling       
Against my window I can hear
A crazy wind is blowing               
 
(CHORUS)
Outside, I can hear the sound
of the wind is Blowing
Wishing you were here
In my head Iím pretending
Just to think that youíre not here
It hurts
 
(VERSE 2)
Never ask you for too much
only your touch, How can you make me feel sad?
I need your hugs and kisses
You know youíre all that I had?
I dim the lights through the night
This is, wishful thinking
Like the wind that blow Iím hoping
Through my door youíll come walking

(CHORUS)
Outside, I can hear the sound
of the wind is Blowing
Wishing you were here
In my head Iím pretending
Just to think that youíre not here
It hurts
 
(BRIDGE)
Just to think that youíd leave,
Is what I canít believe
You left me with a broken heart

You left me with a broken heart

You left me with a BROKEN HEART

 
(CHROUS)




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


This is a rewrite. I am kindly asking for your critiques and suggestions. Lyric is for a female singer (I do have a melody in my head But, if any one has come up with a melody it wound be nice to know/hear.

IT HURTS
©2014 - 20118 IRWIN ABRIGO

(VERSE 1)
Plan to live my whole life through
with me and you, You said youíd wanted that too
When we met I had wanted
A love to be devoted
Now Iím at home all alone                                                                                     
Itís cold, sown is falling       
Against my window I can hear
A crazy wind is blowing               
 
(CHORUS)
Outside, I can hear the sound
of the wind is Blowing
Wishing you were here
In my head Iím pretending
Just to think that youíre not here
It hurts
 
(VERSE 2)
Never ask you for too much
only your touch, How can you make me feel sad?
I need your hugs and kisses
You know youíre all that I had?
I dim the lights through the night
This is, wishful thinking
Iím fantasying day dreaming
Through my door youíll come walking

(CHORUS)
Outside, I can hear the sound
of the wind is Blowing
Wishing you were here
In my head Iím pretending
Just to think that youíre not here
It hurts
 
(BRIDGE)
Just to think that youíd leave,
Is what I canít believe
You left me with a broken heart

You left me with a broken heart

You left me with a BROKEN HEART

 
(CHROUS)



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Re: It Hurts
Reply #1 on: April 25, 2018, 14:35:41
These are pretty good lyrics @irwin . I can feel a song-like cadence to them already but you will tune that up even more when you get the melody working.

The only place that hangs me up is:

Iím fantasying day dreaming
Through my door youíll come walking


I think you could lose the word "fantasying" and still make that line work.

"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

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Re: It Hurts
Reply #2 on: April 27, 2018, 03:47:52
Hey,

It is so hard to write something that doesn't sound corny on this topic... I think you're doing a pretty good job at it.

Disclaimer: I'm not a native speaker so don't give too much weight to my comments.

"sown is falling" what do you exactly mean here?

"I can hear the sound
of the wind is Blowing "

I might be wrong but it sounds grammatically incorrect to me, I would lose the "is".

I don't know if this is intended but "the wind is Blowing, Wishing you were here" makes me think of Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd. ;)


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Re: It Hurts
Reply #3 on: April 27, 2018, 12:29:47
"sown is falling" what do you exactly mean here?

I'm thinking typo here........I read it as snow is falling

 8)


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Re: It Hurts
Reply #4 on: April 27, 2018, 17:26:39
 :D And here I was wondering if that was just a cool way to pronounce "sun"...


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Re: It Hurts
Reply #5 on: April 27, 2018, 19:30:14
The only place that hangs me up is:

Iím fantasying day dreaming
Through my door youíll come walking

[/quote]

Hi Leonard, I have made a change to the first of those two line above.

This is the change below:

Like the wind that blow Iím hoping
Through my door youíll come walking

To me this is sounds better than what I had before. Thank you very much for the comment that you've made on my lyric.

Irwin


 


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Re: It Hurts
Reply #6 on: April 27, 2018, 19:50:39
« Last Edit: April 27, 2018, 19:52:13 by irwin »
"sown is falling" what do you exactly mean here?

"I can hear the sound
of the wind is Blowing "

I might be wrong but it sounds grammatically incorrect to me, I would lose the "is".

[/quote]

Hi Lophophora, You said you think I am doing a pretty good job. Thanks for the compliment.

"sown is falling" is a typo , it should be "snow is falling"

"I can hear the sound
of the wind is Blowing "

To drop the "is" that is a good idea.

I appreciate your time and effort for sharing an idea and leaving a comment! Thank you


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Re: It Hurts
Reply #7 on: April 27, 2018, 23:21:59
« Last Edit: April 27, 2018, 23:27:50 by irwin »
This it a rewrite (3rd draft)


IT HURTS
©2014 - 2018 IRWIN ABRIGO

(VERSE 1)
Plan to live my whole life through
with me and you, You said youíd wanted that too
When we met I had wanted
A love to be devoted
Now Iím at home all alone                                                                                     
Itís cold, snow is falling       
Against my window I can hear
A crazy wind is blowing               
 
(CHORUS)
Outside, I can hear the sound
of the wind is Blowing
Wishing you were here
In my head Iím pretending
Just to think that youíre not here
It hurts
 
(VERSE 2)
Never ask you for too much
only your touch, How can you make me feel sad?
I need your hugs and kisses
You know youíre all that I had?
I dim the lights through the night
This is, wishful thinking
Like the wind that blow Iím hoping
Through my door youíll come walking

(CHORUS)
Outside, I can hear the sound
of the wind is Blowing
Wishing you were here
In my head Iím pretending
Just to think that youíre not here
It hurts
 
(BRIDGE)
Just to think that youíd leave,
Is what I canít believe
You left me with a broken heart

You left me with a broken heart

You left me with a BROKEN HEART

 
(CHROUS)





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Re: It Hurts
Reply #8 on: April 27, 2018, 23:26:54

This it a rewrite (3rd draft)


IT HURTS
©2014 - 2018 IRWIN ABRIGO

(VERSE 1)
Plan to live my whole life through
with me and you, You said youíd wanted that too
When we met I had wanted
A love to be devoted
Now Iím at home all alone                                                                                     
Itís cold, snow is falling       
Against my window I can hear
A crazy wind is blowing               
 
(CHORUS)
Outside, I can hear the sound
of the wind is Blowing
Wishing you were here
In my head Iím pretending
Just to think that youíre not here
It hurts
 
(VERSE 2)
Never ask you for too much
only your touch, How can you make me feel sad?
I need your hugs and kisses
You know youíre all that I had?
I dim the lights through the night
This is, wishful thinking
Like the wind that blow Iím hoping
Through my door youíll come walking

(CHORUS)
Outside, I can hear the sound
of the wind is Blowing
Wishing you were here
In my head Iím pretending
Just to think that youíre not here
It hurts
 
(BRIDGE)
Just to think that youíd leave,
Is what I canít believe
You left me with a broken heart

You left me with a broken heart

You left me with a BROKEN HEART

 
(CHROUS)



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Re: It Hurts
Reply #9 on: April 28, 2018, 12:53:25
Hi @irwin - how about these changes to your 1st verse ?
For some reason I'm getting an almost reggae,  off-beat feel in my head
Please feel free to ignore any of my suggestions  ;D ;D ;D

(VERSE 1)
Plan to live my whole life through
BOTH me and you, You said youíd wanted that too
When we met I had wanted
A LOVER so devoted
Now Iím ALL at home alone                                                                                     
Itís cold AND snow is falling       
Against my window I can hear
A crazy wind is blowing             
"Love and Life is all about connections"


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Re: It Hurts
Reply #10 on: April 28, 2018, 15:54:26
Hi @irwin - how about these changes to your 1st verse ?
For some reason I'm getting an almost reggae,  off-beat feel in my head
Please feel free to ignore any of my suggestions  ;D ;D ;D

(VERSE 1)
Plan to live my whole life through
BOTH me and you, You said youíd wanted that too
When we met I had wanted
A LOVER so devoted
Now Iím ALL at home alone                                                                                     
Itís cold AND snow is falling       
Against my window I can hear
A crazy wind is blowing             

Hi MrBouzouki, I would like to hear what that reggae,  off-beat melody of which you are feeling in my head. My lyric is open for anyone who can come up with a good sounding melody.

Thanks for taking the time to read and for giving your input into my lyric MrBouzouki.

Irwin