• lyric help
  • Started by Bill
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lyric help
on: September 26, 2021, 17:42:51
A little help here for choice of words in my pre-chorus.
@Vince @Leonard Scaper @LePlongeur @Cool Hand @DavidHutton @Mo @Tolo @IronKnee
That second line especially ... I need something one syllable I think that works there. I had it "love" but then it was like love in the line then love again in the next line ... too much.
( yes, btw, I right cheesy girl pop music)
Thanks!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hold me close I don't want to go.
                 tight

Before we leave I want to know
                   love
                   talk
                   speak


Will you still love me when all my perfect is gone?
Will I still be the lyrics for your songs and
Will you still love me when I'm not perfect anymore?


Re: lyric help
Reply #1 on: September 26, 2021, 18:19:59
@Bill

I suggest dear for the first line

The second line I would suggest substitute “we” for “you” as it is more consistent with “you” and “your” in the chorus.

“Speak” works best for me in the second line.

As “cheesy girl pop” lyrics go “Will I still be the lyrics for your songs...” is excellent!

And .... I would drop the “and”

I know you rarely (ever?) post your releases here... but I’m looking forward to this one!


Re: lyric help
Reply #2 on: September 26, 2021, 18:38:46
Hi @Bill,

Please post all of the lyrics to this song or send them to me via a personal message.  I's be happy to take a look and make suggestions.

Paul


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Re: lyric help
Reply #3 on: September 26, 2021, 19:07:54
No, never do @1roomstudio    ;)   

Thanks for the ideas!


  • Bill
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Re: lyric help
Reply #4 on: September 26, 2021, 19:08:18
@Cool Hand  coming your way, sir!


Re: lyric help
Reply #5 on: September 27, 2021, 15:25:20
Hi @Bill I'm flattered to be included.

"Hold me close I don't want to go.
                 tight
Before we leave I want to know
                   love
                   talk
                   speak
Will you still love me when all my perfect is gone?
Will I still be the lyrics for your songs and
Will you still love me when I'm not perfect anymore?"

I'm reading a conversation between two people. Maybe on the verge of a split up.

As the speaker I would say,

"Keep me close, I don't want to go,
 But if I leave I need to know"

No  one is perfect,
Will you be lonely when I'm gone?"

Anyway, that's what I got,  ::thumb::


Vince


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Re: lyric help
Reply #6 on: September 28, 2021, 01:48:15
Thanks @Vince  ... still wotking on it.
 :)

I gotta get this done! Vocals need to be recorded!



When this night ends
Before it's done
Before tonight
Before we kiss
When it's all done
Before we love
When this night's through
And through it all
Before we're through
And tonight
On this night





  • Bill
  • Executive Chef
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  • My songs are not up for "review"

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Re: lyric help
Reply #7 on: September 29, 2021, 02:45:50
@Tainted Icarus
@Dakoda
@MichaelA

Any ideas?
Thanks!



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