• Mr. Right For Now
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  • Redlady
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Mr. Right For Now
on: April 10, 2020, 18:26:18
Hi All
Here is a lyric only post. I wrote this because I have so many man coming on to hard and this is what I want to tell them. I thought maybe this would be a Miranda Lambert or Tanya Tucker vibe song. I want a fun upbeat country, soul, pop song sound. I know I need more rhymes and this is a rough draft. How is my storytelling and how does it make you feel?



Mr. Right For Now
©Schantell Wharton

VERSE:
Teaching you the electric slide
Donít know when I laughed so much
Talking on the phone late into the night
Our hopes and dreams take flight

LIFT:
You know I like youóyou know that for sure
But baby donít push me donít ask for more

CH
Someday I want it all
The ring, the wedding and forever
But Iím not ready to settle down
So honey please be patient and
Just be my Mr. Right for now

VERSE:
Right now Iím picking up the pieces
I need time to learn to trust again
You might be exactly who I am needing
A man who knows how to be a friend

LIFT:
You warm my insides and I melt like butter
You make me want things I had forgotten

CH
Someday I want it all
The ring, the wedding and forever
But Iím not ready to settle down
So honey please be patient and
Just be my Mr. Right for now

Bridge
I know you care
I know youíll do what it takes
You make my heart ache for you

CH
Someday I want it all
The ring, the wedding and forever
But Iím not ready to settle down
So honey please be patient and
Just be my Mr. Right for nowĖ2x fade out


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Re: Mr. Right For Now
Reply #1 on: April 10, 2020, 18:35:29
hi @Redlady

great title: "Mr. Right for now" and great lyrics in my opinion  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
me, myself, and Pie


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Re: Mr. Right For Now
Reply #2 on: April 10, 2020, 18:43:41
Hi Dutchbeat

Thanks for commenting.  And I am glad you like the lyric

Happy writing
Schantell--Redlady


Re: Mr. Right For Now
Reply #3 on: April 11, 2020, 23:23:30
Nice hook, I can already hear it reading along! Would love to hear it put down on a few tracks, are you planning on recording this or playing it live?

Keep up the great work!
-Lewis


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Re: Mr. Right For Now
Reply #4 on: April 11, 2020, 23:33:38
Nice hook, I can already hear it reading along! Would love to hear it put down on a few tracks, are you planning on recording this or playing it live?

Keep up the great work!
-Lewis

thanks fo joining the forum @LewisMac
i hope you will like it here in the Kitchen!

grab a kitchen chair and make yourself at home  :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

i tag in @Redlady , because it is about her lyrics  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:


Re: Mr. Right For Now
Reply #5 on: April 11, 2020, 23:36:59
Nice hook, I can already hear it reading along! Would love to hear it put down on a few tracks, are you planning on recording this or playing it live?

Keep up the great work!
-Lewis

thanks fo joining the forum @LewisMac
i hope you will like it here in the Kitchen!

grab a kitchen chair and make yourself at home  :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

i tag in @Redlady , because it is about her lyrics  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

Thanks for the welcome!
Already loving the community you guys have built here, this is just what I needed!

Definitely spreading the word about you guys!!!


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Re: Mr. Right For Now
Reply #6 on: April 11, 2020, 23:43:44
Hi Lewis Mac

No tracks yet.  I just wrote the lyric.  I am always looking for melody writers if your interested.  Thanks for commenting and welcome to the kitchen.  The Kitchen has been one of the most warm  supportive, and accommodating place to post my lyrics.  I am in the process of learning Protools for my PC.   Again thank for your gracious comment.   Hope to see you around the kitchen.

Happy writing
Schantell--Redlady


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Re: Mr. Right For Now
Reply #7 on: June 03, 2020, 23:50:24
Hey, I write a lot of music for songs and lyrics are not my strong point. I have a song close to this one that I call "Mr. Mystery."

I like  your style and you are close, but one thing about song lyrics is that is number and sequence of accented syllables should ideally be the same in consecutive or in rhyming lines, for example

Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb
Mary had a little lamb, her fleece was white as snow

(She) followed her to school one day, school one day, school one day
(She) followed her to school one day, which was against the rules

The second stanza adds the word "she" but otherwise the sequence of accented syllables is clear

1,2,3,4; 1,2,3; 1,2,3; 1,2,3
Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb
(She) followed her to school one day, school one day, school one day

1,2,3,4; 1,2,3; 1,2 1,2; 1,2
Mary had a little lamb, her fleece was white as snow
(She) followed her to school one day, which was against the rules

So, that is one thing. if you look at songbooks they often write the melody just once but have the lyrics for three verses below it, because all the verses have the same syllabic structure and accents.

Another thing is this - keep your rhyming scheme the same on all verses - A, B, A, B or A, A, B, B for example.

Last, I really like "But my Mr. Right, for right now." But you could also just make it, "Be my Mr. Right - Now."

like you could say ....

It's too soon to start a fight
and I don't care no-how
I don't need a Mr. Right
I just want a Mr. ...
Right Now

I know it changes the meaning a little, but it's a little more on the wild side, too, which can make it more fun.

Anyway - just my 2-cents, I know accented syllables is a hard thing to work out, but it is the one thing that makes songs more memorable.
I work on Protools, was a pro recording engineer for 10 years in analog. I play compose, perform record and mix everything in my recordings.