New thing I'm trying ... partially finished lyrics

I'm searching for a sound for us. I like performing the heavier more modern pop, laid back, in the pocket grooves a la Sam Smith, Cold Play & One Republic's slower stuff.
Anyway, what do you think about these lyrics? Mixed up rhyming pattern in the chorus, "un-word" words, more elongated & laid back verse, a cryptic second verse, only a single pre-chorus but later a bridge based on the pre-chorus ( that I haven't made lyrics for yet)
Does this work? So far? 


Verse:
Say we are
the fortunate ones
Say we have;
We have just begun
Empty room:
just a carpet on the floor
If we have love
We don't need anything more

Pre- Chorus:
If things don't go the way we planned
I hope you'll understand

Chorus:
Can I un-ask you a question?
Can I un-live the last few days?
Can I un-think the thoughts before this?
Can I un-walk away?
Can I un-say what I said?
Can I un-think what's in my head?
Can I un-live the last few days?
Can I un-walk away?

Verse:
Say we are .....
Say we have ......
Empty room ....
We had love  ....  gone too soon

Chorus:
Can I un-ask you a question?
Can I un-live the last few days?
Can I un-think the thoughts before this?
Can I un-walk away?
Can I un-say what I said?
Can I un-think what's in my head?
Can I un-live the last few days?
Can I un-walk away?

Bridge:

Chorus:

Cool concept @Bill from November Sound ! I like the 'un-' escape to imagine a possible 're-'..

My nitpick would be that these words:
'If we have love
We don't need anything more'
sounded a bit cheesy to me.

But imho I think your question was about the concept, and I think it'll work!!

Yes @Mar T.  .... THAT is the problem area. I need to say that thing but get it to flow better. ( and not sound stupid)   

A lot of today's top songs use this theme about remembering how things were actually good when we had less. So I do need to say that. IDK how. 
 

hi @Bill from November Sound , i like these un-words 

this sounds good to me, 

and about this bit:

"If we have love
We don't need anything more"

perhaps you can evade using the L-word? because of it being overused....perhaps...

"If we only have us
We don't need anything more"

not sure whether that is English 

Hate to contradict these wise men, but I don’t mind unashamedly love songs.
When my love and I want to curse someone, we say: ‘we wish you a lot of stuff’. As in: a lot of stuff in your house that you have to pick up to be able to vacuum, a camper with a lot of switches and pumps to maintain. Etc etc etc.

I have troubles writing English lyrics that come up to what I like/demand of myself, so to give you the impression that I would be a great help would be a mistake.

I only hope you pick up the idea and (alone or with help) keep the original idea going. To be censoring (?) a beautiful idea before it’s even finished would be a mistake in my opinion. But yes, that’s just my opinion.
Go go go @Bill from November Sound !!! Please un-rain the Netherlands.
Kind regards, Gus

Thanks for the help @Dutchbeat and @LePlongeur   ….. so I need to say that thing. I just have to get the wording right, I guess.

How about this? Is this better @Mar T. @Dutchbeat @LePlongeur  ?

Verse:
Say we are
the fortunate ones
Say we have;
We have just begun
Empty room:
just a carpet on the floor.
( it's) Only us
(We) need nothing more.



Only us.  ------- We need nothing more.
It's only us. -------- We need nothing more.
Only us. -------- Need nothing more.

These lines are each two short phrases with music in between. Do one of these sound good?

Verse:
Say we are
the fortunate ones
Say we have;
We have just begun
Empty room:
just a carpet on the floor.
( it's) Only us
It’s what carpets are for

An un-expected twist?
Kind regards, Gus

How about this? Is this better @Mar T. @Dutchbeat @LePlongeur  ?

Verse:
Say we are
the fortunate ones
Say we have;
We have just begun
Empty room:
just a carpet on the floor.
( it's) Only us
(We) need nothing more.



Only us.  ------- We need nothing more.
It's only us. -------- We need nothing more.
Only us. -------- Need nothing more.

These lines are each two short phrases with music in between. Do one of these sound good?

It's all subjective, but imo definately better @Bill from November Sound !

I agree with @Mar T. - the change is better re: not using the L word

But in saying that - if you do want something more poppy then I think the L word would work - it's all about the context and overall sound I think. Plus how that line is sung.

cheers

I agree with @Mar T. - the change is better re: not using the L word

But in saying that - if you do want something more poppy then I think the L word would work - it's all about the context and overall sound I think. Plus how that line is sung.

cheers

Thanks @Jurgen ! I'm still working on it. We'll see where it goes. 

Hi,
I love the rhyme schemes  of verse  one and the repetition of the chorus.
Great job.  I am  eagerly awaiting  the finished lyric.

Happy  writing
Redlady