• No Warning Tonight (Constructive critisism & ideas pls)
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  • Brendan7
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  • Karma Hunter

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So here's another song I wrote which I need some professionals to evaluate.

I unfortunately do not have the song melody and vocals for this song but I just want to know if my songwriting technique is good enough.

This is a song about the slow demise of love between two individuals. Hope you find the lyrics meaningful enough!

(Verse)
Love stood because
You told me your secrets
Love came because
You told me no lies
You were my passion
My final regret
How can I let go of
These truthful eyes?

(Pre-chorus)
I have watched this empire
Rise from remains
Love was so simple
But I cursed it into flames

(Chorus)
I wished for your breath
To come rushing down my neck
I prayed for your heart
Go beating on my chest
I need to survive
But you're killing the man inside
Just gone with no warning tonight.

Love rose because
You knew the words to say
But love was just cause
I needed you today
I drifted away
My final regret
How can I let go of
These cold-hearted lies.

I've watched this empire
Fall to remains
Love was so simple
But I cursed it into flames

I wished for your breath
To come rushing down my neck
I prayed for your heart
Go beating on my chest
I need to survive
But you're killing the man inside
Just gone with no warning tonight.

(Bridge)
I could have made this last forever
And let this heart be free
Now I can't make any promises for me.

(Refrain)
I let this empire
Crumble in the wind
Love was so simple
But it was me, it was me that truly sinned.

I wished for your breath
To come rushing down my neck
I prayed for your heart
Go beating on my chest
I need to survive
But you're killing the man inside
Just gone with no warning tonight.

I couldn't survive
You killed the man inside
You're gone with no warning tonight.


  • Leonard Scaper
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Re: No Warning Tonight (Constructive critisism & ideas pls)
Reply #1 on: December 07, 2017, 17:07:40
Pretty good set of lyrics. I could pick up a sense of music right away from the first verse.

The word "empire" kept catching at me, though. That word has implications of aggression and dominance to me......perhaps that is what you are going for. If you substituted "world" for "empire" it would get a nice little alliterative feeling going with those "watch this world..." sentences.

I'll be looking for this one with music.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


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Re: No Warning Tonight (Constructive critisism & ideas pls)
Reply #2 on: December 08, 2017, 20:30:34
good lyrics. Here some small advice:

"But I cursed it into flames"
could be
 But I cursed it to flames

"But love was just cause"
did you mean 'a just cause'
or 'because'?

"But you're killing the man inside"
could be alternated with
 "but you killed the love inside"
recommending https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_Music_Works "How music works", book by David Byrne.


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  • Karma Hunter

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Re: No Warning Tonight (Constructive critisism & ideas pls)
Reply #3 on: December 09, 2017, 09:10:44
good lyrics. Here some small advice:

"But I cursed it into flames"
could be
 But I cursed it to flames

"But love was just cause"
did you mean 'a just cause'
or 'because'?

"But you're killing the man inside"
could be alternated with
 "but you killed the love inside"

@oorlab  I was meaning "just because" but I could only fit in two syllables in it. Anyway thanks for the corrections and advice  :D



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