• O`Lord [lyric] does the write sound to self-centered?
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« Last Edit: August 26, 2019, 23:00:16 by Lane »
v1
out on the front porch
looking a million miles away..
this child sat down..
They were back from Moma`s grave....

v2
There is another child..out there
that was never  offered any help...
standing on a bridge they said..
on the outskirts of town..

O` Lord....

chorus:
Have I talked to you today
given all I could..
laughed out loud...cried a tear
be the man / woman I should..
O` Lord....Have I talked to you today...

v3
So many soldiers come home..
from fighting in distant wars.
they are forgotten on a corner downtown..
and so many need our help...


chorus:
Have I talked to you today
given all I could..
laughed out loud...cried a tear
be the man / woman I should..
O` Lord....Have I talked to you today...

bridge:
We all take a path no one else can take..
We all live each day..and..carry-on in different ways..

Have I talked to you today
given all I could..
laughed out loud...cried a tear
be the man I should..

O` Lord....Have I talked to you today...
O` Lord....Have I talked to you today...


vincent 2018


Re: O`Lord [lyric] does the write sound to self-centered?
Reply #1 on: August 31, 2019, 14:06:43
Too self centered @Lane ?  Do you mean as if the words are too specific to one's life?
I'd say no.
The chorus is very general, relatable and filled with an important message. The concept of being a better parent, neighbor or friend is actually popular one today.....at least pop music has the "bad parent" songs big right now.
The third verse is really important... it kind of drives home the meaning.
I think this will make a really great song. 
Bill
Songwriter, Keyboards, Arranger, Producer & Engineer for November Sound

November Sound is based on the Mother, Father & Son musical trio of Melissa, Bill & Will. I'm the father so anything I post will have my wife singing and/or my son playing percussion.


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Re: O`Lord [lyric] does the write sound to self-centered?
Reply #2 on: August 31, 2019, 20:35:18
@Bill from November Sound

thanks Bill for commenting. i was  thinking ..self centered along the lines of this guy is more worried about
his well being  about his thoughts and his life. I didn`t want this song to sound more about him.

thanks again for commenting...Lane


Re: O`Lord [lyric] does the write sound to self-centered?
Reply #3 on: August 31, 2019, 21:49:30
Oh I see what you mean @Lane   …. I'm going to say no.
I think most people would be able to put themselves into the shoes of this main character. With the right vocal delivery and musical arrangement I believe this song will totally work.  :ok:
You could try the chorus with "we" instead but it doesn't feel as strongly emotional to me.

re: arrangement … I really believe that that 3rd verse is super important so it should be simply stated by the singer with a very sparse accompaniment right there. To me that would make the song make sense. …. make it relatable to all.


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Re: O`Lord [lyric] does the write sound to self-centered?
Reply #4 on: August 31, 2019, 22:25:29
« Last Edit: August 31, 2019, 22:34:23 by Lane »
@Bill from November Sound

good idea, I`m having a track made for this, and I always get two tracks, one with and one without the  vocals..so its very easy
if something down the road does not  fit I can go back and re-write,  the music is a little different, I really try to get that right the first time.  But? like Steve , I always remember they are just demos, in the folder they go, I`m doing 3 songs right in a row,  the last song I did on here, this song, and one more.  I`ll be posting that lyric on here so I can get others opinions..thats one of the best things about the site!   Lane

on this Bill I was thinking of adding this after v1n and some else like this after v3 too.

v1
out on the front porch
looking a million miles away..
this child sat down..
They were back from Moma`s grave....

"and  cried?  "and they cried?

the second verse has " o`lord

 I thought maybe something like that would even the song out a bit.







Re: O`Lord [lyric] does the write sound to self-centered?
Reply #5 on: September 06, 2019, 18:00:53
Hola @Lane

It is very interesting to note that in our songwriter kitchen there is currently an ingredient that has taken relevance. The look at reality. Your lyrics portray with the image of distance in the introduction, the distance that still exists between the just and the unfair.


Back to your future song: Several melodies come to my mind, all sad.
The choir, very important, it is well built to be reinforced with the voice. Sure it will be splendid ::thumb::


How many bridges like this one are still there, today?
I did not know that to live I had to die so many times
https://vimeo.com/onacarom


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Re: O`Lord [lyric] does the write sound to self-centered?
Reply #6 on: September 07, 2019, 20:51:05
@Mora Amaro La Loba

thank you so much Mora for taking a look, and commenting. I`ll try to do this song with heart, and feeling. 


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Re: O`Lord [lyric] does the write sound to self-centered?
Reply #7 on: September 10, 2019, 22:26:53
Just doing a bit of catch-up in the Kitchen (that rolls off the tongue doesn't it ... lol)

These lyrics seem good to me and raise the social question of have you done enough for those less fortunate or in a hard place, through no fault of their own.

Many of us are comfortable in our own little world but the important thing for me is the word 'talked'. It seems in this day and age we communicate without talking, and talking is far more than saying words, it's the connection of eyes, the little smile, the helpful hand.

So to me you have tapped into a message that needs singing about.

Good Job

 ::OSMAN:: ::OSMAN:: ::OSMAN::
"Love and Life is all about connections"


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Re: O`Lord [lyric] does the write sound to self-centered?
Reply #8 on: September 13, 2019, 06:38:25
never would have thought of it like that, so glad you stopped and commented. give me a who;e new prospective on this song..
thanks again... MrBouzouki


Re: O`Lord [lyric] does the write sound to self-centered?
Reply #9 on: September 15, 2019, 18:21:54
Really touching and poignant lyrics @ Lane ... I agree with all the comments so far. Definitely not “self centered” and brings home the reality of keeping in touch one’s spiritual side as the first and foremost solution to problems... whether personal or global.

This will touch people... looking forward to hearing it.

That reminds me... be sure to bring your voice out front! We want to hear it! 😎



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