• over the garden wall
  • Started by Rightly
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over the garden wall
on: July 10, 2019, 22:13:36
« Last Edit: July 30, 2019, 12:12:09 by Rightly »
My first song in quite s few months.
Music is almost ready
Mainly I'm happy just to be active again

Feedback most welcome



over the garden wall


deconstruction of smaller parts
we're breaking it down once more
with shorter skirts and faster cars
we are filing for divorce
out through the window
to fly or to fall
will we land on our feet
over the garden wall...

moral compass is all askew
it's hard to tell wrong from right
pushing forward we get confused
now don't you cheat on my wife
shake off your slumber
abandon the dream
wilfully wander to
a place I've never been

the time has come to do or die
to give the devil his due
your eyes have died two thousand times
as each one has lived a thousand lives
each one, as each one
each one has lived a thousand lives

I'm not complaining
it's par for the course that's all
there's plenty to see
over the garden wall...

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Re: over the garden wall
Reply #1 on: July 10, 2019, 22:28:11
These lyrics have great cadence and already feel musical to me. Looking forward to hearing the music now.

i really like your use of near rhymes like more/divorce and askew/confused.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


  • Rightly
  • Poissonier
  • *
  • And there you have it.

    • 137


    • 14
    • November 15, 2019, 05:03:06
    • Berlin
  • more
Re: over the garden wall
Reply #2 on: July 22, 2019, 10:12:45
These lyrics have great cadence and already feel musical to me. Looking forward to hearing the music now.

i really like your use of near rhymes like more/divorce and askew/confused.

Thanks. I seem to have returned to ambiguities in this one.
All is going mostly well with the music but it's these final touches that are the most tedious and take the most time.
Repeated listens, trying to find the right sound in the limited time I have before it all sounds the same.
Almost a game of chance.

Main thing I must change is the intro.
Using the synth,Mehta worked on the guitar became an aggressive and obvious 80s sound.
Too many folks switch off after such an intro.
Should be ready soon. 
R.


  • Rightly
  • Poissonier
  • *
  • And there you have it.

    • 137


    • 14
    • November 15, 2019, 05:03:06
    • Berlin
  • more
Re: over the garden wall
Reply #3 on: July 30, 2019, 15:17:32
okay
modified
lyrically finished


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Re: over the garden wall
Reply #4 on: August 01, 2019, 05:08:34
Hiya mate,

I think those 4 first lines really hit the nail into the reader's head with the great word choice.

your eyes have died two thousand times
as each one has lived a thousand lives


This is simply, crisp, and makes me disappointed that I haven't thought of this one.

Top-job on this one!



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