Author Topic: Pretty Pop Song Lyrics - Suggestions?  (Read 108 times)

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Offline Bill from November Sound

Pretty Pop Song Lyrics - Suggestions?
« on: November 27, 2017, 02:36:44 »
Hi @Jim and others,

This is my first time in this section of the kitchen. Before you read this, remember I write for a female singer!  ;)
Here is a pretty pop song for the female vocalist it kind of goes along with women standing up for themselves in the workplace, speaking out against sexual harassment, demanding respect for more than just the way they look....the idea that you need to dress a certain way to be respected....... big topic here in the USA right now.......

Also I came up with idea for the bridge first. There was this character in a story who always wore a monocle. At one point he switched to contact lenses and upon seeing clearly he was actually disturbed by how ugly everyone really was.  :)

Anyway the song is going to happen soon as the music is in progress. I've just been having a lot of self-questioning about the lyrics. Maybe repeating stuff too much? Bridge probably could use some more words?

Musically the trick is that the verse is longer, more flowing notes while the chorus is happy pop, double time lyrics.
Any ideas, suggestions? 


Verse:
Oh, you say to stay right here Ďcause
Nothing better can I find.
And, you say I donít act smart.
They donít respect me for my mind.

Chorus:
I put on my glasses if it makes you feel better:
seeing so clear each number and letter.
Put on my glasses : mental correction,
crystal clear view of each imperfection.
Make me put my hair up; you can pay dearly.
Looking through the lenses I can see clearly:
better than I ever could. I see that youíre no good

Verse:
Oh you say that Iím too nice.
You canít win if youíre so kind.
And, you say what not to wear.
Men wonít respect me for my mind.

Chorus:
I put on my glasses if it makes you feel better:
seeing so clear each number and letter.
Put on my glasses : mental correction,
crystal clear view of each imperfection.
Make me put my hair up; you can pay dearly.
Looking through the lenses I can see clearly:
better than I ever could. I see that youíre no good

Bridge:
I thought my world was clear enough.
I thought my world was clear enough.
I thought my world was clear enough when I couldnít see.
Colors blurry, faces smooth Ė the way that they should be.

Chorus:
I put on my glasses if it makes you feel better:
seeing so clear each number and letter.
Put on my glasses : mental correction,
crystal clear view of each imperfection.
Make me put my hair up; you can pay dearly.
Looking through the lenses I can see clearly:
better than I ever could. I see that youíre no good
Bill
Songwriter, Keyboards, Arranger, Producer & Engineer for November Sound

Offline Leonard Scaper

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Re: Pretty Pop Song Lyrics - Suggestions?
« Reply #1 on: November 27, 2017, 12:47:05 »
I like these lyrics but I am never very good at judging lyrics without accompanying music as I am one who always starts with music before lyrics. With a wordy song like this the trick will definitely be in phrasing and delivery I think.

Looking forward to hearing it.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

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Offline MichaelA

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Re: Pretty Pop Song Lyrics - Suggestions?
« Reply #2 on: November 27, 2017, 13:09:48 »
I'm in the @Leonard Scaper camp re judging lyrics.

I suppose it is hard for a guy to write a song like this in the shoes of a woman. Maybe Melissa will be the best judge of if you have succeeded in portraying a woman's perspective well. It looks fine to me, but not sure I am qualified to say for sure!

The only thing I would disagree with is your context setting use of the term 'pretty pop song', which suggests something without depth. There's quite a deep feeling resonating in this, some resilience and bite back! So I too am intrigued to see how this will turn out as a recording! Maybe it's going to pithy lyrics juxtaposed against lighter pop? ...we'll have to wait and see!  ;D
If you like novels with a musical theme, why not try 'Sixth Beatle - When Music Changed The World', easily found on Amazon and Google. It is amazing, although as the author I may be biased!

Offline Jim

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Re: Pretty Pop Song Lyrics - Suggestions?
« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2017, 14:48:34 »
I think these lyrics sound great, @Bill from November Sound!  Unlike those other guys :P I can almost hear the music from your description of "longer flowing notes" counterpoised against "happy pop double time lyrics".  ;)

I think they sound up as there are, I doubt think you need worry about having more words, or content, then you're possibly at risk of giving the listener everything on a plate.  This version is more satisfying.  :)

Anyway, Melissa has a power of veto surely, if she's the one who sings it?  Be interested how this one turns out.  :D 

Offline Bill from November Sound

Re: Pretty Pop Song Lyrics - Suggestions?
« Reply #4 on: November 28, 2017, 02:17:14 »
Thanks guys!

We'll see I guess.
The music is coming along and Melissa does really like it..... but she usually doesn't take issue with the lyrics until the day we're recording it.  :)  Sometimes she'll just stop mid recording and say, "Yeah, this isn't going t o work."  :D I usually put some alternate lyrics in parentheses for parts where I'm not certain.

I'm the one who is questioning the lyrics.

Offline Leonard Scaper

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Re: Pretty Pop Song Lyrics - Suggestions?
« Reply #5 on: November 28, 2017, 11:42:26 »
Sometimes she'll just stop mid recording and say, "Yeah, this isn't going t o work." 

I respect that.

Even the best set of lyrics goes through changes when the music is there with it.


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