• A Flower Called Förgätmigej
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A Flower Called Förgätmigej
on: September 14, 2017, 18:42:31
hi! looking for some help from natives with the lyrics for a song. a demo version is found here

---> https://soundcloud.com/tuffbranschrecords/a-flower-called-forgatmigej

wierd words, grammar stuff. anything...
and the lyrics here :)  --->

>day by day it creeps upon your mind                   
>you know the legacy gets harder to deny
>however wonderful or terrible the sight
>i will show you where the treasure lies

>under some clutter tucked aside                                     
>rusty boxes with cards in black and white
>dusty characters from another time
>history repeats and here is mine

>so beautyful so beautyful more beautyful than anyone can sing
>so luminous salluting us     
>waking up to greet us with a smile
>fantasy will bring them all alive

>day and night across the cean waves         
>families devided things would never be the same
>must have been devestating for the ones who stayed
>they showed their feelings with the gift they gave           

>a flower called förgätmigej
>a little gesture if you havent heard that name
>ask your grand ma she knows and can explain
>she knows and will remember everything

>so beautyful so beautyful more beautyful than anyone can sing
>so luminous salluting us     
>waking up to greet us with a smile
>fantasy will bring them all alive               

>howling through the summer night   
>heavy drinking swaying legs and dirty minds
>shady memories of youth and crazy times
>and a broken storefront scattered all around       

>we better get going we better get out
>run across the square into the early morning light
>we better get hiding and later reunite
>the laughter and the thrill of it is what its all about                       

>so sing your sins or write them in the sand 
>on the shoreline just to let the tidal wave
>simply wash over and sweep the words away
>the moon will let us know they cannot stay

>so beautyful so beautyful more beautyful than anyone can sing
>so luminous salluting us     
>waking up to greet us with a smile
>fantasy will bring them all alive   


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Re: A Flower Called Förgätmigej
Reply #1 on: September 14, 2017, 19:23:31
It's great to hear something from you @tuff bransch ....especially something as good as this song is setting up to be.

I only have two small lyric observations:

day by day it creeps upon your mind    The proper way to say that would be to creep up on your mind....a subtle difference but one that I think is important to your usage here.

and....

on the shoreline just to let the tidal wave
simply wash over and sweep the words away
A tidal wave is a massive upwelling of the ocean....that seems to be a very strong way to wash away sins written in the sand as it would likely take the sinner away with the sins. Consider changing that to...the gentle waves.....unless, of course, you are trying to convey a more cataclysmic event to wash away those sins....which actually still works in context, right?



 

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Re: A Flower Called Förgätmigej
Reply #2 on: September 14, 2017, 20:11:20
lovely to hear from you leo! i was about to comment on your latest lyric here too but realized mr bouzoki had
better ideas than to end with the sadest verse wich is what i probably would do myself :D

i get your point but i think ill stick with the tidal wave... since i really like the "the moon will let us know..." part there...
hmm. take the sinner away with the sins :) im a small town guy and really have very little first hand experience with the ocean.
trying to recall those tenneriffa/mallorca vacations from the childhood.. its not really a tsunami either? :D

so would "day by day it creeps up on your mind" be correct here? maby i should sing it just slightly like two separate words then?
did i get you right there?

thanx so much @Leonard Scaper ! yeyeye!


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Re: A Flower Called Förgätmigej
Reply #3 on: September 14, 2017, 20:20:14
so would "day by day it creeps up on your mind" be correct here? maby i should sing it just slightly like two separate words then?
did i get you right there?

Exactly.  :)

And...I think you're right about leaving tidal wave. A tidal wave is really just a larger wave caused by the moon and the sun's gravity whereas a tsunami is more of a catastrophic event caused by an oceanic earthquake or the like. Those definitions actually make tidal wave a perfect phrase here.

 8)


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Re: A Flower Called Förgätmigej
Reply #4 on: September 15, 2017, 09:53:29
« Last Edit: September 15, 2017, 10:00:42 by MrBouzouki »
I have a different take on that verse, feel free to ignore, with more alliteration perhaps ????

The first section features S.
Sing, Sins, Sand, Shoreline
the section section W.
Watch, Wash, Words

I know you like your tidal wave but perhaps it's more effective to have the simple act of the ebb-tide*** leaving a clean slate and washing those words away.
Sometimes the power or strength of nature is more subtle and it's a visual example of not being able to hold back fate as the grains of sand re-arrange.

Also I like the use of the moon as the tides and the moon are connected, but perhaps the moonlight Shows you the words have gone and perhaps nothing is forever ???

Original
so sing your sins or write them in the sand
on the shoreline just to let the tidal wave
simply wash over and sweep the words away
the moon will let us know they cannot stay

Alternative
So sing all your sins
or write them in the sand on the shoreline
just to watch the ebb tide wash those words away
the moon will show us all they cannot stay

*** Sea level falls over several hours, revealing the intertidal zone; ebb tide.

Just listening to this now, I light the high 'head/falsetto' voice it's very delicate and enhances the song in my opinion.
The guitar playing is a nice foil to the words.
I'm not sure the meter on those words I suggested works now but the idea is the important bit.
"Love and Life is all about connections"


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Re: A Flower Called Förgätmigej
Reply #5 on: September 15, 2017, 15:39:14
hi @MrBouzouki thanx for commenting! i leanr a lot of new things about the ocen this way :)

the only problem with leting the ebb-tide wash away the words it that `ebb`
is when the water goes away ...and `flow` is when it rises..?

one could of course just make it:

so sing your sins or write them in the sand
on the shoreline just to let the ocean waves <--- ocean instead of tidal
simply wash over and sweep the words away
(the moon will let us know they cannot stay) <--- and change this one



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Re: A Flower Called Förgätmigej
Reply #6 on: September 15, 2017, 17:19:29
hi @tuff bransch , sounds good to me  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::, those high vocals of you sound very good and special to me

i can not comment on the english, but i think it is fun that there also seem to be a flower called Förgätmigej in your Language
in Dutch that flower is called "vergeet-me-niet" (which would be "don not forget me" in English....is there a flower called something like that in English too?)
me, myself, and Pie


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Re: A Flower Called Förgätmigej
Reply #7 on: September 15, 2017, 17:23:20
I like "ocean waves". Nice and simple


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Re: A Flower Called Förgätmigej
Reply #8 on: September 15, 2017, 17:26:17
hi @tuff bransch , sounds good to me  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::, those high vocals of you sound very good and special to me

i can not comment on the english, but i think it is fun that there also seem to be a flower called Förgätmigej in your Language
in Dutch that flower is called "vergeet-me-niet" (which would be "don not forget me" in English....is there a flower called something like that in English too?)

It's called a "Forget-me-not" @Dutchbeat


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Re: A Flower Called Förgätmigej
Reply #9 on: September 15, 2017, 18:08:00
so a flower called "forget-me-not" is quite universal....but do they all look the same (i mean, are they the same flowers in the various countries, i guess so, but just wondering)


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Re: A Flower Called Förgätmigej
Reply #10 on: September 16, 2017, 16:13:07
@Dutchbeat yes i didnt know either but actually came across it in german when googling it 
so that makes it 4 languages. must be plenty more then  :)


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Re: A Flower Called Förgätmigej
Reply #11 on: September 16, 2017, 23:00:25
it seems they are all over the world... (yes, i just googled it... ;D ;D ;D) @tuff bransch ,
but...."There are only 74 accepted species..." of this flower  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D  8) 8) 8) :o :o :o :o :o


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Re: A Flower Called Förgätmigej
Reply #12 on: September 17, 2017, 12:40:01
noo comon! i was writing this whole song just to tell you to ask your grandma and you just googled it in like 5 seconds?
  ;D


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Re: A Flower Called Förgätmigej
Reply #13 on: September 17, 2017, 22:38:41
i didn't mean it like that  ::) ::) ::) ::)
but i know, you know, right  ;D ;D ;D

but just to be sure, your song sounds awesome @tuff bransch

and your high vocal gives me the shivers, very, very nice to me, @tuff bransch   ::thumb::



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