• Donít Say Just Pay
  • Started by irwin
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
  • irwin
  • Patissier
  • *
  • Karma hunter

    • 79


    • 16
    • April 13, 2019, 18:34:08
  • more
Donít Say Just Pay
on: February 18, 2018, 03:20:46
This lyric I would want to know if "the reader " can clearly understand what I am trying to sell to an audience. Need feedback. (Lyric written for a female vocalist)

Donít Say Just Pay                                                               
© 2018 Irwin Byron Abrigo
             
(1st Verse)
You said youíll buy me, everything fancy
Take me to the Caribbean weíll have fun, there ainít no doubt
But you never tell me, how much you care
You never tell me, how much you care
 
(Pre Chorus)
Well, Iím taking you down town going shopping
At a jewelry store youíll be buying, I donít want to hear a thing
 
(Chorus)
Donít say just pay just pay donít say, buy me a wedding ring
Just pay donít say donít say just pay, buy me a wedding ring           
 
(2nd Verse)
You said youíll take me, me out on Fridays
Itís only one time a week you Iíll see, not those other days
And you never tell me that you love me
You never tell me that you love me
 
(Pre Chorus)
Well, Iím taking you down town going shopping
At a jewelry store youíll be buying, I donít want to hear a thing
 
(Chorus)                                           
Donít say just pay just pay donít say, buy me a wedding ring
Just pay donít say donít say just pay, buy me a wedding ring
         
 (Bridge)
If you love me say you love me If you donít you got to let me know
If you donít love me donít come around me anymore
Leave me alone
 
(3rd verse)
You never said you wanna get marry
Wanna raise a family here you come, say the same things
Unnecessary words is what I donít want to be hearing
I donít wanna hear a thing, donít wanna hear anything
 
 
(Chorus)                                           
Just pay donít say donít say just pay, buy me a wedding ring
Donít say just pay just pay donít say, buy me a wedding ring
                                           (Repeat)
 


  • Leonard Scaper
  • Global Moderator
  • Executive Chef
  • *
  • *
  • Guest Chef

    • 3425


    • 1109
    • Yesterday at 23:15:04
    • Terra Firma
  • more
Re: Donít Say Just Pay
Reply #1 on: February 18, 2018, 10:26:25
Hey @irwin .....I definitely get the song's message and for the most part I can hear it as a good song. When you start putting it to music I think you'll find yourself streamlining some of phrases and I'm looking forward to hearing that.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


  • irwin
  • Patissier
  • *
  • Karma hunter

    • 79


    • 16
    • April 13, 2019, 18:34:08
  • more
Re: Donít Say Just Pay
Reply #2 on: March 09, 2018, 18:12:31
Hey @irwin .....I definitely get the song's message and for the most part I can hear it as a good song. When you start putting it to music I think you'll find yourself streamlining some of phrases and I'm looking forward to hearing that.

Hi Leonard, I have the melody for this song and I will post the finish recording for you to hear. Thanks for reading my song lyric.

Irwin



xx
Donít Say Just Pay

Started by irwin on Songs for review

2 Replies
291 Views
Last post March 26, 2018, 11:33:08
by irwin
xx
If you don't like Xmas decoration then please don't hit <ctrl-F5>

Started by Mar T. on The kitchen cafť

12 Replies
843 Views
Last post December 19, 2016, 23:08:58
by Rachel_D
xx
- Don't forget but don't you dwell - 3rdMarch2016

Started by Glasgow Moledog on Songs for review

3 Replies
398 Views
Last post March 07, 2016, 04:54:02
by Jurgen
xx
i don't know whether it is real...i just don't know

Started by Dutchbeat on The kitchen cafť

1 Replies
288 Views
Last post May 20, 2014, 22:56:44
by Binladeda
xx
you probably all have seen this already, or you just don't want to see it :-)

Started by Dutchbeat on The kitchen cafť

1 Replies
272 Views
Last post July 22, 2016, 22:03:42
by Mar T.