• Iíve been stuck on this one for a while
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Iíve been stuck on this one for a while
on: July 01, 2019, 06:36:29
I like what this song is trying to say... but it has some awkward moments. Probably would be better if I just cut some stuff out.

I welcome all thoughts... suggestions... criticisms etc.

DECADES LONG
May 28th 2017

Don't let the words go on and on
How will I ever end this song
Decades long Decades long

 Children come and children go
When they're grown up they'll let let you know
They take or leave you to and fro
And bring you back to long ago

The memories go on and on
How will I ever end this song
Decades long Decades long

What you think you must have known
What you reap you must have sown
Your children leave you when they're grown
Reaping lives all on their own

My children's children on and on
How will I ever end this song
Decades long Decades long

No sense to sit here wondering
It's time to think of many things
I open up my heart and sing
To find the words the song will bring

The melody goes on and on
How will I ever end this song
Decades long Decades long


I sing and hope you'll listen on
Though I might never end this song
Not meaning to go on and on
It's already decades long
Decades long Decades long



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Re: Iíve been stuck on this one for a while
Reply #1 on: July 01, 2019, 14:02:35
These lyrics have a nice cadence and the repetitive nature of some of theme really lends itself to being song-worthy.

I'm not good at making lyrics into a song, though. I always need to start with a melody or I end up having to do too much work after the fact to get the lyrics sounding....melodic.

Do you have music in mind for this?
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

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Re: Iíve been stuck on this one for a while
Reply #2 on: July 01, 2019, 14:34:25
hi @1roomstudio  i was reading through and enjoying the themes and patterns of children growing and moving on. i really like the phrase ďon and onĒ. i think that could be used more.

i thought of some subtle changes, especially at the end... is it really a bad thing this song goes on and on? your childrenís children? so i tried to twist a few things to be that the song is part of the growth and something youíll all have. always. it is sad to watch your children go, to lose them, to have only memories, but maybe having that song there is the strength.... the ties that bind us.

iím new to the forum, so if in doing this i have overstepped please say. and of course discard any or all suggestions. i think if i saw a song a certain way, say sad, and someone came in and changed it to be all happy, iíd be pretty sensitive to that, it would be difficult for me to accept. so again, i hope only to shift a possibility, see if it helps you.

Quote
oh let these words go on and on
and we will never end this song
Decades on and Decades long

 Children come and children grow
When they're all grown they'll let let you know
They take or leave you to and fro
And youíll think back to long ago

The memories go on and on
and we will never end this song
Decades long Decades long

What you think you must have known
What you reap you must have sown
Your children leave you when they're grown
Making lives all of their own

My children's children on and on
How will we ever end this song?
Decades long Decades long

No sense to sit here wondering
It's time to reflect on these things
I open up my heart and sing
To find the words the song will bring

The melody goes on and on
will we ever end this song
Decades long Decades long


I sing and hope that you stayed on
Though I might never end this song
but i know it will still go on
It's already decades long
Decades long Decades long
ďeverything is simple, nothing is as straightforward as it seemsĒ.ó Me


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Re: Iíve been stuck on this one for a while
Reply #3 on: July 05, 2019, 05:41:53
These lyrics have a nice cadence and the repetitive nature of some of theme really lends itself to being song-worthy.

I'm not good at making lyrics into a song, though. I always need to start with a melody or I end up having to do too much work after the fact to get the lyrics sounding....melodic.

Do you have music in mind for this?

I do have some bit of music in mind... Iíve been exploring writing from lyrics first, difficult... but Iíd like to thin, only because Iím not used to doing it this way.

I have an experimental guiatar sketch that has a phrase that fits the rhythm of lDecades long, decades long...Ē l want to build off of that...


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Re: Iíve been stuck on this one for a while
Reply #4 on: July 05, 2019, 05:47:49
hi @1roomstudio  i was reading through and enjoying the themes and patterns of children growing and moving on. i really like the phrase ďon and onĒ. i think that could be used more.

i thought of some subtle changes, especially at the end... is it really a bad thing this song goes on and on? your childrenís children? so i tried to twist a few things to be that the song is part of the growth and something youíll all have. always. it is sad to watch your children go, to lose them, to have only memories, but maybe having that song there is the strength.... the ties that bind us.

iím new to the forum, so if in doing this i have overstepped please say. and of course discard any or all suggestions. i think if i saw a song a certain way, say sad, and someone came in and changed it to be all happy, iíd be pretty sensitive to that, it would be difficult for me to accept. so again, i hope only to shift a possibility, see if it helps you.

Quote
oh let these words go on and on
and we will never end this song
Decades on and Decades long

 Children come and children grow
When they're all grown they'll let let you know
They take or leave you to and fro
And youíll think back to long ago

The memories go on and on
and we will never end this song
Decades long Decades long

What you think you must have known
What you reap you must have sown
Your children leave you when they're grown
Making lives all of their own

My children's children on and on
How will we ever end this song?
Decades long Decades long

No sense to sit here wondering
It's time to reflect on these things
I open up my heart and sing
To find the words the song will bring

The melody goes on and on
will we ever end this song
Decades long Decades long


I sing and hope that you stayed on
Though I might never end this song
but i know it will still go on
It's already decades long
Decades long Decades long

Thank you for the  detailed and insightful thoughts and suggestions. This helps a lot in moving this song forward!

It wasnít specifically meant to be sad ... more ďbitter sweetĒ so your changes work quite well in reaching that balance.

Now I need to spend some time on this...

Much appreciated  8)


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Re: Iíve been stuck on this one for a while
Reply #5 on: July 16, 2019, 09:37:45
I like the idea of "on and on" and I think that @lu77 's suggestions work well.

I especially like the idea of "let these words go on and on" rather than "don't let these words..."

I could also hear it as "hear these words go on and on"

Where @lu77 has suggested "we will never end this song" - maybe that could also be "I hope we never end this song". I only think this because later, there's a suggested change of "will we ever end this song". I like the openness of "will we".

The line "they take or leave you to and fro" doesn't seem to flow as well as the other lines but that could be how I'm reading it. For me its not as strong as the other lines, but I can't think of anything else that would fit.

Words are so personal though of course and often when sung with the music the subtleties aren't so important as it's the overall package we're taking in.

cheers




Re: Iíve been stuck on this one for a while
Reply #6 on: September 06, 2019, 17:45:34
Hi @1roomstudio

 like the rhythm of the lyrics, at least I have given it to him when I read it and I also like the sense in general.

This line "Reaping lives all on their own"
I might add "their" before "lives", : Reaping their lives all on their own

I think it keeps the cadence and gives it a more abstract sense. I hope you don't mind my suggestion.
I did not know that to live I had to die so many times
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Re: Iíve been stuck on this one for a while
Reply #7 on: September 07, 2019, 18:31:13
Hi @1roomstudio

 like the rhythm of the lyrics, at least I have given it to him when I read it and I also like the sense in general.

This line "Reaping lives all on their own"
I might add "their" before "lives", : Reaping their lives all on their own

I think it keeps the cadence and gives it a more abstract sense. I hope you don't mind my suggestion.

Thank you @Mora Amaro La Loba for your thoughts and suggestion... I see what you mean about the ď...keeping the cadence... ď and your suggestion encouraged me to study it carefully.

I concluded that I could also keep the cadence by dropping the word ďYourĒ from the previous line... so

What you think you must have known
What you reap you must have sown
Your children leave you when they're grown
Reaping lives all on their own

Becomes

What you think you must have known
What you reap you must have sown
Children leave you when they're grown
Reaping lives all on their own

Then the cadence is consistently... /u /u //u for all four lines. It also is more streamlined by removing a word and ... to me... more abstract by making it more universally ďall childrenĒ

So glad you brought this to my attention! 😎


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Re: Iíve been stuck on this one for a while
Reply #8 on: September 21, 2019, 19:34:42
I think these lyrics are really good. I like the song's theme about children growing and moving on, and I think that your rhyme of "known," "sown", "grown", and "own" is a very strong and clever rhyme scheme. I also like how the first line of each chorus is slightly different each time, but still contains the words "on and on". For example, how the first chorus starts with "Don't let the words go on and on," and the second chorus starts with, "The memories go on and on," etc. I can't think of any real issues that I have with the lyrics.



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