Shimmering Gold

I suppose this is about invisible pain or depression.
I think it could be built on but I'm stumped for now
Any suggestion, even collaboration would be welcome!



   Shimmering Gold


  a hard skin to crawl under
 when you can’t get with the joke
     ev’ryone is a foreigner
 they want to see you up in smoke
 burning, burning up in smoke
burning, burning down real slow

 friends looking on, vaguely confused
    cannot be expected to know
 black dog bites blindingly cruel
pain has the colours of shimmering gold
 burning, burning, shimmering gold
  burning, burning down real slow

  what of all the summer rain?

      laughter from another room
 all the windows and doors are closed
     no exit here, enter the fool
  one way mirror, a real live show
  burning, burning, shimmering gold
 burning, burning down real slow

  burning, burning, shimmering gold
    burning, burning down real slow
       shimmering gold


_______________________________

After reading these lyrics over a few times and pondering a bit, here are my thoughts.....

I really like the black dog bites line and I REALLY like the pain has the colours of shimmering gold line. I think you should consider making that the first verse because it is so strong. It would also be good to introduce shimmering gold early like that.

If you do that, I would then consider changing the end of what would then be the second verse to keep the reference to shimmering gold:

they want to see you up in smoke
burning, burning down real slow
burning, burning shimmering gold

The what of all the summer rain line feels like a great start to a change-up section where you go someplace slightly different musically and emotionally only to come back to the shimmering gold pain for a third and final verse.

great lyrics in my opinon @Rightly
i am especially drawn to the line:

"pain has the colours of shimmering gold"

just flows and sounds so good 
i want to hear it on music

After reading these lyrics over a few times and pondering a bit, here are my thoughts.....

I really like the black dog bites line and I REALLY like the pain has the colours of shimmering gold line. I think you should consider making that the first verse because it is so strong. It would also be good to introduce shimmering gold early like that.

If you do that, I would then consider changing the end of what would then be the second verse to keep the reference to shimmering gold:

they want to see you up in smoke
burning, burning down real slow
burning, burning shimmering gold

The what of all the summer rain line feels like a great start to a change-up section where you go someplace slightly different musically and emotionally only to come back to the shimmering gold pain for a third and final verse.

thanks for your constructive comments, certainly will be taken into consideration!

@Dutchbeat
Glad you like them.
 It was such a quick write (some songs take months and many attempts) I suspect I wrote these lyrics subconciously a long time ago.
I really think it sometimes works this way!