What is sadness? - Lyrics needing revision

I would greatly appreciate your suggestions on these lyrics.
I know they are poetry but I sing that.

I think this future song has to be soft and deep, so I will mess with my keyboard and its simplicity.
If someone wants to make his song, go ahead!

Gracias.



What
is
sadness

maybe
the heart
that becomes a bell
vibrating with the depth
that a tear can have

maybe
the last breath
of a rose to the hand
that pulls it out of the earth
where its parfum was science

what
is
sadness

a point of light
trembling in the eyes

a colour surrounding you
made of grey and salt visages

a wave that becomes a thought
making you float
in a void
where the bitter
gives sensations
of a soft way of dying

What is sadness?

I would greatly appreciate your suggestions on these lyrics.
I know they are poetry but I sing that.

I think this future song has to be soft and deep, so I will mess with my keyboard and its simplicity.
If someone wants to make his song, go ahead!

Gracias.



What
is
sadness

maybe
the heart
that becomes a bell
vibrating with the depth
that a tear can have

maybe
the last breath
of a rose to the hand
that pulls it out of the earth
where its parfum was science

what
is
sadness

a point of light
trembling in the eyes

a colour surrounding you
made of grey and salt visages

a wave that becomes a thought
making you float
in a void
where the bitter
gives sensations
of a soft way of dying

What is sadness?

Your gift for poetry is formidable @Mora Amaro La Loba especially for metaphor.

I especially like

a point of light
trembling in the eyes

And

where the bitter
gives sensations
of a soft way of dying

In fact... I feel like it should end there rather than repeat “what is sadness” perhaps even repeat

“a soft way of dying “ for an ending.

The one phrase I might change would be.. “salt visages” to...

a colour surrounding you
made of grey and salted visions

Looking forward to hearing it... and of course your marvelous video treatment! 😎

Hi @1roomstudio

Thank you very much. I appreciate a lot your comment and ideas but I finally did the poem-song-video and shared it on "songs for review" subforum.

Muchas gracias.
Mora