Songwriters in the Kitchen!

Board index => Songs for review => Topic started by: realkevm on October 01, 2018, 16:34:31

Title: Seasons
Post by: realkevm on October 01, 2018, 16:34:31
Hi guys, here's an early demo, work in progress of a new song that I wrote the other day. Please let me know what you think. I'm not happy about the last line in the chorus "let's go round again" I feel it needs something catchier or impactful there, any ideas?

Lyrics

It was hell
But you can't tell
A new life, someone's wife
Things are going well
Robbed of your teens
And your childhood dreams
Looks faded, feel so jaded,You just wanna be seen

Chorus
As the seasons change
One thing stays the same
Making a start with a brand new heart
Let's go round again

2nd verse
Tying on your phone
That's all you know
Waiting ages to make some changes
Yeah it's time to go
You just wanna be loved
Live everyone does
Hope is gone if you wait too long
Dont get caught in the rush

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVbnCNTd1UM&feature=youtu.be
Title: Re: Seasons
Post by: Leonard Scaper on October 01, 2018, 22:03:11
I like it......the lyrics definitely work for me and the whole thing works with your style. Consider this for that chorus:

As the seasons change
One thing stays the same
You can make a new start
With a brand new heart
But you can't go round again


Title: Re: Seasons
Post by: realkevm on October 02, 2018, 08:29:26
Thank you Sir. I'll try your suggested lyrics, thanks for checking it out :)
Title: Re: Seasons
Post by: robertkc on October 02, 2018, 19:47:45
I enjoyed this - interesting lyrics and the chorus is catchy.
(you have good focus, with the children`s voices nearby!)
I was hearing a last line :

Make a start with a brand new heart
a heart ready for rain

Robert

Title: Re: Seasons
Post by: realkevm on October 03, 2018, 08:08:48
Thanks for taking a listen dude, i'm going to try those lyrics out :)
Title: Re: Seasons
Post by: realkevm on November 07, 2018, 11:12:57
Hello fellow Kitcheners! I played this song live last night for the first time, i'd really appreciate a brief watch and to let me know how you think the song is progressing and maybe some views on my life performance? Kev :)
https://youtu.be/6sz6SZW8C2o
Title: Re: Seasons
Post by: Leonard Scaper on November 07, 2018, 15:50:06
Your performances keep getting better each time I see one. In this one I like how you changed up the playing style and brought everything down a little at around 1:15.
Title: Re: Seasons
Post by: realkevm on November 07, 2018, 18:40:25
Cheers Boss, appreciate you having a watch.  Yeah  i'm changing it up at that part to try and inject some life into the song lol
Title: Re: Seasons
Post by: realkevm on November 19, 2018, 12:43:16
Hi guys i#'m still tinkering with this one, here's an acoustic demo using a multitrack digital recorder (I can't get my head around DAWs!) two guitar tracks, bass and maracas are involved :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtzbmPRnI8w
Title: Re: Seasons
Post by: robertkc on November 20, 2018, 19:22:53
@realkevm  This is a good song - I can hear the improvements made since your first demo. I liked the intro & use of bass & percussion. A much fuller sound and you`ve  got some nice  energy building into the chorus.
If you`re set against working in a DAW this is a great place to get help with setting up your equipment/room etc to get the best from your voice & guitar .I`m not an expert in that area, so please take this with the usual dash of salt;
It sounds like your vocal is doubled ( or is it an echo?) and that effect takes away from the clarity of your voice. It might work better used only on the chorus and  offset more from the lead vocal.
Using a metronome might help iron out a few rhythmic issues, mostly with the maracas (lord knows I`m grateful for all the percussion loops available now as I`d be all over the map without having one of them in my headphones while recording).
I hope some of that makes sense.

Robert

 
 
Title: Re: Seasons
Post by: realkevm on November 21, 2018, 15:41:30
Thanks Robert, cheers for taking the time to have a listen. Yeah I used a double vocal effect, I think to my ears at least my voice sounds better than straight vocals (I have issues with my voice - i'm not a good singer ha!) but I like what you suggested with keeping it for the chorus, I can imagine it and I think it would make the song sound better.
Title: Re: Seasons
Post by: robertkc on November 22, 2018, 00:55:55
@realkevm  You probably just need to experiment with different settings for the delay. Small changes in timing, volume & panning  can make a big difference in your vocal sound. On your track I think the delay is lined up very close to your lead.

Robert
Title: Re: Seasons
Post by: realkevm on November 23, 2018, 22:29:20
Cheers Rob :)
Title: Re: Seasons
Post by: realkevm on December 05, 2018, 12:35:43
Here's a live and acoustic version I just recorded this morning (with mood lighting!) please let me know how things are going with this :) https://youtu.be/3--HbWzWXkc