Songwriters in the Kitchen!

Board index => Songs for review => Topic started by: Mora Amaro La Loba on February 24, 2019, 21:01:01

Title: The red curtains
Post by: Mora Amaro La Loba on February 24, 2019, 21:01:01
"And suddenly she was lost among red curtains..."

This phrase could be part of a recurring nightmare or could be just a phrase, it does not matter, the case is that, from it, this song and its history were born, something that, unfortunately, appears much in the news.

I wanted to give it a dirty sound, in honor of what the song portrays, I hope I have achieved it in a certain way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kw6Nx1V4VxA

The red curtains

She searched in her memory
the innocence
she had
when she was a child
a child
a child

But feels suddenly
lost
between red curtains
Red curtains
Red curtains
Red curtains

She searched inside
the innocence she had
when she was a child
a child
a child

Wondering
what happened
to that little girl
hiding
behind the curtains
hiding
behind the curtains

escaping from the thief
who was looking for the Angel
that was living
among her clothes
that was living
among her clothes

What is innocence
for those
who break it
what is innocence
for those rotten souls ... x2

She searched inside
the innocence
she had
when she was a child
a child
a child

But feels suddenly
lost
between red curtains
Red curtains
Red curtains
Red curtains

What is innocence
for those
who break it
what is innocence

Best regards,
Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: oorlab on February 24, 2019, 23:00:33
fine brooding atmosphere. In the mix I'd lower and EQ the vocals a bit. Am hearing an interesting guitar phrase.
Thumbs up - liking the pronunciation of "Curtains" - gives it a personal feel.
Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: Bill from November Sound on February 25, 2019, 01:09:23
Oh @Mora Amaro La Loba   ... this is painful  ... I mean the message not the music. This is hard to listen to ( especially as one who has dedicated my life to working with little ones). My interpretation may be different based upon American English and double meanings but, wow, this is intense.

Great music. Very powerful.
Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: Leonard Scaper on February 25, 2019, 01:30:39
This is such a strong song. You bring the story home in the lyrics and the production very well.

One thing that might have been cool would have been to throw the vocals back into the distance for the "escaping from the thief"  part just before that instrumental break. Maybe some "telephone" EQ there.....just a thought as the rest of the vocals are very up front. That might add an interesting dynamic to the production.

Kudos to @Marcus Nalgaber for some tasty guitar work.
Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: DavidHutton on February 25, 2019, 14:17:35
Wow , strong lyrics indeed.  Enjoyed the general production and mood, put me in mind of Mamouna. Some terrific guitar!
Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: Goatrelated on February 26, 2019, 05:38:06
Beautiful song, video and guitar...
Realy I could listen for hours to your music

:goatie:
Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: Mora Amaro La Loba on February 26, 2019, 17:13:27
@oorlab

Thank you for commenting. You're right, I modified the audio of my video by following your advice by lowering the volume and equalizing the voice. I think now the voice is more balanced with the rest of the instruments.
I've heard in the google translator how to pronounce "curtains" and I've laughed a lot when I heard me.  ::thumb::


@Bill from November Sound

"Oh @Mora Amaro La Loba ... this is painful ... I mean the message not the music."

hahahahaha Goodness...

Now talking seriously it is true, they are things that are spoken of without really understanding the true and terrible scope that marks their victims. Thank you for listening to my song.

@Leonard Scaper

I have already told oorlab that I have corrected the audio of the video following his indications.

I tried to do what you suggested in "escaping from the thief" but the result did not convince me, I did not get that sound image that I would have liked (your idea seemed very interesting to me) so I have only corrected the presence and the equalization of the voice.

Thank you very much for your comments, always so useful and positive.


@DavidHutton

Thanks for the comparison!  The guitar is my husband's, Marcus Nalgaber, a monster of music.


@Goatrelated

Hi again, I missed you, really. I think you're one of the few that fly free in the forum.
Marcus's guitar always wraps my music with a gift  paper

Marcus's guitar always gives my work another category. A luxury ... within my reach .... hehehe

Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: Leonard Scaper on February 26, 2019, 17:51:35
Marcus's guitar always gives my work another category. A luxury ... within my reach .... hehehe

And it is good to know that it will continue to do so.

I really like where you have your vocals in the new mix, Mora. That was a very good suggestion from @oorlab
Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: Kellyanneg on February 26, 2019, 19:23:58
@Mora Amaro La Loba, I love these lyrics. They are a great example of powerful simplicity.  They deliver that subtle yet thought-provoking emotional impact; you make people think and feel. I think the visual aspect of your video is intriguing. There's something about your music that keeps the listener there.  Excellent.
Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: Goatrelated on February 28, 2019, 13:50:14


@Goatrelated

Hi again, I missed you, really. I think you're one of the few that fly free in the forum.
Marcus's guitar always wraps my music with a gift  paper

Marcus's guitar always gives my work another category. A luxury ... within my reach .... hehehe


HI @Mora Amaro La Loba, you are absolutaly right about that, @Dutchbeat is my friend for as long as I can remember , although we live no longer in the same city we are connected like brother and sister. When he started this forum of course he asked me to join, and I did. So I fly around since the beginning of this forum as a kind of groupie. What I realy love is that I'm one the first to listen to a new song that is created, I feel favored because of that. And because the forum is small, I mean not that big, I can fly around easaly, and not been disturbed by too many options. Sometimes we have beautiful meetings and I'm invited. For example  even this month we have a forum summit together with the great  @Mar T. and the great @budhabuilding. And last year we had a skype meeting with @Bill from November Sound and we had member from all the way Zurich @Mark Luto , but I think he's busy lately,  because he's a bit gone, and I miss him and his music, but maybe it's me who's missing out. Maybe this year we can create, or they can create a skype meeting with you and Marcus. But that's totaly up to how @Dutchbeat is feeling. ........ :D
 ::heart:: ::heart:: ::heart::
Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: Mora Amaro La Loba on March 01, 2019, 15:29:49
Thank you for your comment and for the generosity of your time @Leonard Scaper

Hi @Kellyanneg
I also thank you. It is true, simplicity is always the basis of everything and more for me, since my knowledge of the English language is limited, which forces me to look exactly for the phrase that defines a story in a few words.

Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: Mora Amaro La Loba on March 01, 2019, 15:32:53
Hi @Goatrelated

Thanks for your comment. So I could know a little more about this forum. A project of this kind is always a ship to which many more dreamers can climb.

I always respect the dreams of others, what would the world be without those skies? And more in moments like the current ones in which everything appears and disappears almost without a trace ...

I hope I see you more often here, your appearance and your goat are always fresh air, they would be the same everywhere.

I like this forum, its operation is clear and we get to know each other little by little, and that, in a world of little and anonymous faces, always It gives a human warmth.

I think we all aspire to the same thing, that our songs come to light and, I at least share them with the pride of that child who shows a drawing to her mother only aspiring to have her eyes, when seeing it, give it consistency, also appreciating the suggestions regarding how I use English as I continue learning this language to develop better lyrics.

I also consider that it is good to comment on some aspects that could improve such or such work about the mix, the record system, reverbs, etc..., but never criticism that only blemishes. I discovered that there are great songwriters here and some lyrics have really impressed me.

What you tell me about a possible Skype with you two would be very funny, why not? Borders in communication are so easy to be erased  (That's the good of the virtual)::heart:: ::heart:: ::heart:: ::heart:: :pompom: :pompom: :pompom:
Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: LePlongeur on March 01, 2019, 16:29:55
Crystal clear lyrics!
What crafts woman ship!
Love it!
Kind regards, Gus
Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: Bill from November Sound on March 03, 2019, 14:16:24
Hi @Goatrelated
..
What you tell me about a possible Skype with you two would be very funny, why not? Borders in communication are so easy to be erased  (That's the good of the virtual)::heart:: ::heart:: ::heart:: ::heart:: :pompom: :pompom: :pompom:

I'll second that!  :D
Ha, ha, ha
but I had trouble figuring out who @Pleudoniem and @oorlab were at first because: 1. they don't pronounce it the way I read the names 2. everybody actually has real names in real life 3. @Dutchbeat goes crazy with that camera of his!!!



Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: Pleudoniem on March 03, 2019, 14:51:28
@Bill from November Sound Haha! very true, although @oorlab 's name pronunciation wouldn't be too far off when produced by speakers of English. You'd have a hard time getting the Dutch 'eu' in Pleudoniem right though.

But back to focus, the names that we use are nicknames, but we can be noticed, and we'd like to be noticed when we use them. That is quite unlike the girl that @Mora Amaro La Loba is singing about, who remains nameless, also as a unique human being, which is heartbreaking. She is absolutely right that you can also leave a great impression with few words. She does that very well here.

Admittedly, possibly because of the content, I was expecting a soft and biting guitar riff, as in Girls on Film. That may be my head toying with me though :)
Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: Zedd on March 03, 2019, 15:35:23
A heartbreaking theme treated with appropriately sinister atmosphere.  As always, your song is engaging and intriguing. It's a strong image you've used, the red curtains.


Lovely guitar work as always..


Great track @Mora Amaro La Loba !


K


(Btw I love the way you pronounce "curtains"..)
Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: Dutchbeat on March 03, 2019, 18:32:00
what a great sound  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: in this track @Mora Amaro La Loba
a completely crisp music mix, with very heavy lyrics

you did it again @Mora Amaro La Loba   ::thumb:: ::thumb:: , a great music project
Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: Mora Amaro La Loba on March 04, 2019, 18:06:50
@LePlongeur
Thank you! You are very kind with few words too.

@Pleudoniem
It's true, it's an anonymous girl who portrays so many girls and boys ... What can you think of a society that breeds such perverse beings? What is innocence? When it exists, a motor, when it does not exist, a heavy bale.
Thank you for visiting me.

@Zedd
"(Btw I love the way you pronounce "curtains"..)"
 hahahaha  Thank you!!  :pompom:

"Lovely guitar work as always.." ;D ;D
Thanks from Marcus and myself


@Dutchbeat

Something I hate is stepping on sugar and broken glass .. What sound and sensation!!!
Thank you for your time!  ::Suzy::
Title: Re: The red curtains
Post by: Leonard Scaper on March 04, 2019, 22:37:30
Something I hate is stepping on sugar and broken glass .. What sound and sensation!!!

 :) :) :) :) :)