Songwriters in the Kitchen!

Board index => Songs for review => Topic started by: Kellyanneg on March 21, 2019, 16:11:05

Title: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: Kellyanneg on March 21, 2019, 16:11:05
Hi guys!  :D I am unsure about the ending of this one. Im wondering about cutting out part of the little piano break before the chorus..it feels like too much dead space...but the final chorus seems off, like it should be reapeated before the final line. However, I dont want the song longer. What and where to cut and/or repeat is the general question. I feel the last part from piano break on needs to be tightened up. Your perspectives and thoughts are a big help. 

Lyrics:

It never crossed your mind
To apologize,
Try to make it right
Im left here to linger
In heartache

You got the best shots in
Fed your pride again
You love to win the fight
You left me drowning
In your reign

Im pickin' up
Every piece of me
That you threw down
Ive had enough
I keep saying
To myself outloud

Chorus:

  Wish i didnt love you
  Then at least we'd call it even
  Then you wouldnt know my
   weakness
   You wouldnt aim straight for my
    heart
   Wish I didnt love you
   Then I wouldnt feel the saddest part

Ive tried a thousand times
Standing by your side
But always felt alone
Im just a shadow
In your eyes

Youd never notice me
Until id leave
And ive worn out that door
Wont leave it open
This time

Im packin up
Im gonna drive so fast
And go so far
Aint lookin back
Im gonna break off
Every mirror on this car

Repeat chorus, piano, final chorus

https://m.soundcloud.com/kellyannegsongs/wish-i-didnt-love-you
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: Layerson on March 21, 2019, 20:35:30
Hi @Kellyanneg :)

Arranging is tricky and after a while one tends to pay too much attention to detail, and get lost in it. As Iím just a listener in this case, I didnít hear this song needed to be altered in any way.

Taking a couple of steps back and being objective is difficult. For me this was an easy decision, think it works well as it is plus I couldnít hear the break needed tightening but youíre gonna need multiple opinions  ;)

Love the song BTW.

 ::Rachel::
Micke
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: Kellyanneg on March 21, 2019, 21:02:22
Hello @Layerson (Micke  :)) yes sometimes too much attention to the details can take away from the sound as a whole. I needed another perspective. I am attempting a go at audacity again, so maybe in time I can get past the phone sitting on my keyboard quality. Hoping to get that audio interface this summer. Then learn how to use it  :no:  lol. Thank you for your listen and opinion...valued as always! (And thank you for liking it!)
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: Leonard Scaper on March 21, 2019, 22:10:58
Wow...another really good one from you. You really write a good song!  :)

I wouldn't touch a thing in the body of the song.....I think you need every one of those elements.

You could lose that little tag line at the end and end it softly with the piano.

Really good tune!
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: Layerson on March 21, 2019, 22:50:05
Iím curious, what kind of computer do you have access to? (Pc or Mac, laptop or stationary).

Thinking that an audio interface isnít 100 percent necessary, not to begin with at least or maybe not at all. If possible you could record via a usb microphone directly into the computer instead.

USB microphones come in different variants, some that even have a full  audio interface built into them, so you could connect other instruments to the microphone. Some people use them for podcasts but the difference between them and your phone is that they will capture the sound directionally instead of also getting the entire room.

It strikes me to be a simple yet effective solution and much cheaper. For example, I purchased a used Sonic Port VX a couple of years ago and it was at a bargain in the music store. Itís both a stereo and mono microphone (and condenser) and I can connect it to my phone and record too. Itís got the volume controls and other switches on it, as any other interface. I also use it for recording electric guitars because it has good pre-amps. It could be mounted on microphone stand as well.... Thatís just a few example of what you could do with one of those. (I could go into more detail but hopefully you get the idea...itís an all-in-one solution)

Knowing that youíre struggling with the tech part of it, keeping it as simple as possible might be the way to go.
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: Kellyanneg on March 22, 2019, 00:57:06
@Layerson it's a pc. Stationary. And that mic with the interface that you can plug into your phone as well sounds interesting and I'll keep that in mind! I think my mixer can be plugged into the computer - today I looked up the manual and it says it can be plugged into a laptop, so would it work with the computer? Would you not recommend that? It would at least be something to start with if it would work. Many thanks to you!
@Leonard Scaper thank you kindly! We tend to be our own worst critic I believe. Something wasn't sitting quite right with me, as if I couldn't say the song is finished, but you guys have reassured me.  ;D
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: Layerson on March 22, 2019, 07:12:22
Youíre right, if the manual says a laptop that also implies a stationary computer. Theyíre both just computers :)

Iím hoping your mixer will connect with a computer via usb cable, that would make me guess that it may have a built in interface of some sort. If I may ask, which brand (name and model) is the mixer? (I could check the specifications that way and give you a definite answer... and find out what possibilities it holds).

Slowly the mystery unravels :)
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: LePlongeur on March 22, 2019, 09:10:47
I once talked with a very good British guitarist, who's nickname (and later his stage name) was Ariel Bender.
Now I don't know about myth or reality and I like that. Often the questions are more fun than the answers.

If you are too harsh a critic of your own work, try my way of working for a while.
Based on photography in the 60's. You took a series af pictures, went into a room for developing and what have you, and after all this time you were able to check what you've been doing.
My music:
I write/record 10 songs without listening. And after this series is completed, I take the time to play back what I've done. Works like a dream for me.
If you think 10 is too much, settle on 5 for instance.  There are no rules. Do as a painter does. Give yourself the time to step back.
The process becomes lighter. If there are lesser songs (and yes, I write lesser songs) it's a comfort to know that after 5 minutes the next will be waiting for me.

I would agree with Leonard that the end would be lighter/subtler (? more subtle?) if you'd leave it to the piano to sign off.

Great piece of work @Kellyanneg !!!
Love it.
Kind regards, Gus
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: Kellyanneg on March 22, 2019, 10:47:02
@LePlongeur I like that idea, Gus. Being that I record on a phone, I restart the song sooo many times, as I can't cut and paste, chop, etc...and  I aim to accept the version with the least error. I record each part so I don't forget them as I am writing. It's a lot for each song. After listening to the song with stopping it before the end tag, I agree with you and @Leonard Scaper. Thank you kindly!!!
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: eric craptone on March 22, 2019, 22:18:12
This is  extremely  good, you have a great talent vocally and your songwriting  sounds effortless and exceptional.
But my favourite bit was those last lines " Aint  lookin back, I'm gonna break off every mirror in this car",  because I felt that bit was original .
You sound like a lot of great singers and your songs sound like a lot of successful songs, but is that a good thing?
It concerns me that most aspiring artists want to sound like their heroes/ heroines.
So music stays the same and just repeats itself.

 
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: Kellyanneg on March 23, 2019, 12:03:49
Hi @eric craptone ! Thanks for the listen and your kind words. Those two lines are my favorite part as well. :)  i guess there are two sides to that coin...for the words and vocals to sound successful is a great compliment. To sound like all the others...meh.  However, I dont compare myself to or focus on sounding like anyone else...the words and voice that come out are just me.  :) The writing is the most important part to me, but i do love to sing. If i tried to sound different, it would be like trying to roll a square tire for me. The writing i am working at, to create more lines like those two mentioned. Thanks a bunch, and enjoy your day!
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: Kellyanneg on March 23, 2019, 15:37:35
Hi @Layerson ! Sorry...i overlooked your last message...its a rockville rpm45.  Yes, there may be a way here!  :pompom: thank you!
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: Layerson on March 23, 2019, 19:18:23
Hi @Kellyanneg

Itís okay, I snuck that question in there, it was easy to miss  ;)

I checked with the manual and it states that the usb connection is for input only so you could stream audio from a computer but not the other way around.  Iím suspecting itís got more use for live performances (with playback audio from a laptop or an mp3 device). Itís not an audio interface (digital audio) for recording directly into a computer, so youíre gonna need some sort of device for that later on.

(Itís still very useful as itís got 4 phantom powered xlr inputs for condenser microphones. Stereo micíing or using multiple microphones makes for great takes on acoustic guitars for instance. You could connect it to any future audio interface in order to increase the number of inputs...)
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: Kellyanneg on March 24, 2019, 11:30:22
@Layerson wow... thank you SO MUCH for doing that and explaining/clarifying. Wheels are turning!  :D
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: Mora Amaro La Loba on March 24, 2019, 13:16:36
Hi @Kellyanneg
Well, I did not find it long, the lyrics are beautiful, very descriptive, and I think the development of the song and its parts is impeccable.
If you let it end without repeating the chorus, as @Leonard Scaper says, let it melt little by little, and it's already
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: Kellyanneg on March 25, 2019, 11:22:41
@Mora Amaro La Loba thank you very much!! I agree about the ending. I think in this case not saying the hook again (end tag) makes it stronger. I appreciate your senses!   ;D
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: smajor on March 28, 2019, 23:56:56
Hi @Kellyanneg ,

Micke @Layerson  just introduced your music to me. And now I'm a fan. After one song.

I don't often see lyrics work so well in expressing the heart of a song. I like your turns of phrase.

I do have to say though, despite enjoying the pun, that most people are going to hear "rain" , not "reign".  But that's okay. It works either way.

In my estimation (I'm only a lyricist) it's good to have spaces.

But I do think I hear what you mean about the ending. It doesn't quite resolve completely. From the point of view of a lyricist I'd suggest something like... "I no longer live in the past/ there are no mirrors left on this car."

Regarding Audacity... some of the songs I've created with Micke were done with Audacity tracks (using an USB microphone)... and someone who used to post here used Audacity exclusively (and still does as far as I know)... you can check her out here.... https://nicevennett.bandcamp.com/

And I can't help it.... I'm going to inflict on you the one song that Nic and I did together... https://mswithmajorlyrics.bandcamp.com/track/doin-the-moo-cow-moo

I've just probably given you a twisted impression of a whole raft of things.  But I stand where I am.

Later,
Stan

Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: Kellyanneg on March 30, 2019, 12:52:26
@smajor hello! Yes, I know what you mean about  the listener hearing "rain", but left the lyric written that way as a way to give it another meaning if read. Just a quirky thing I did!  And Nic's music has such a gentle almost ethereal feel to it...beautiful harmonies, and moving. And knowing she uses/used Audacity is truly encouraging and helpful. Much appreciated. Thank you for your suggestion with "Drive", I am hoping that song will be one I can throw into the audacity project. I feel I can't learn fast enough. One step at a time.  :)
Title: Re: New song "Wish I Didnt Love You" ending is off?
Post by: smajor on March 30, 2019, 14:30:48
Hi @Kellyanneg ,

I'm glad to hear that my suggestions/ideas were useful to you  :)

Quirky is cool as long as you know it's a quirk. I have to warn you though, having written lyrics for over fifty years now, few people read lyrics. A lot of people don't even really hear them. They go for the "beat".

I'm looking forward to hearing your progress. You're doing great!

Later,
Stan