Songwriters in the Kitchen!

Board index => Songs for review => Topic started by: Susantaylor on May 20, 2019, 12:13:22

Title: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Susantaylor on May 20, 2019, 12:13:22
Hi Everyone,

Here is my submission. I managed to include 42 of the list words so if the theory is true this should definitely be a global hit :lol: :lol: :lol:

I thought I'd write about a controversial topic that has recently been in the headlines in Spain (read the lyrics challenge, see if you get what it's about, though please don't get political or judging, I'm not making a stand either way)

Anyway, I hope you like it. It's all a bit of fun   ;)

Have a great week everyone!

https://soundcloud.com/susan-taylor-277284046/blue-lagoon

Lyrics
CHORUS
She is falling, into the blue lagoon
Swimming in euphoria, Alluring her to solitude
Luminous ripples of the sumptuous and sublime
The radiant elixir erasing all the world behind (10 list words)

VERSE 1
Her body’s aching as she broods about the past,
Elegant and bewitching iridescence that was not to last
Like a dazzling phoenix she needs to be reborn
Encaged in languor to a body which is woebegone
Now quintessential to furtively break free
She’s searching for the portal as her nemesis obscures the key
The clock ticks slowly as she sings a lullaby
Dreaming of a time when she can finally say goodbye. (13 list words)

VERSE 2
Revered in memories evanescent like a dream
Eloquently she murmurs of all the places that she’s been
A sonorous youth in Asia, she charmed the dragon in the cellar
She climbed the willow tree in the labyrinth of ancient Armigidia
A summery dalliance with a magnificent talisman
A comely rendezvous to liberate the reaper man.
The clock ticks slowly as she sings a lullaby
Dreaming of a time when she can finally say goodbye. (16 list words)

Bridge
Each door is closing, why won’t you let me through
Her demure is fading, it’s her choice why is it up to you
Beguiled with pain, as she shouts out to be free,
Your moral high ground her encaptor, denying her the dignity (3 list words)

Total: 42 list words
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Dutchbeat on May 20, 2019, 16:43:33
hi @Susantaylor  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: Wow, you managed to use 42 of the 58 magic words from the list of @DonMar  :o :o :o :o

and it is a very nice song  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::  ::headphone:: ::headphone::
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Susantaylor on May 21, 2019, 10:29:00
Thank you for taking the time to listen to my song Dutchbeat.
And thank you for being kind
 ;D
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: oorlab on May 21, 2019, 23:02:29
Nice one @Susantaylor  - wonderful to write a meaningful lyric with all the words. I like the gospel-ish build up in the second part. The lower vocal might be EQ-d & panned a bit... just a mix idea.
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Susantaylor on May 22, 2019, 10:22:46
Thanks @oorlab,
I really appreciate the feed-back I'm still very much a novice on the technical side, so any advice is much appreciated :)
None of my peers are musically minded apart from my Mother who is 2000km away (and she isn't up on the technical side at all)
I'm off for the summer in a few weeks (I'm a teacher) so I plan to spend a bit more time on the music and I'll re-look at this track.
If you don't mind, I'll post some tracks here, I could really use some advice on levels and balance as it's not my strong point.
Hopefully when I get through the final stint of the academic year (exams and parent meetings - joy :) ) I'll be able to be in the kitchen a little more.
Thank you again for being kind and for listening :)
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: robertkc on May 23, 2019, 18:41:12
I admire anyone who can harmonise a complete song @Susantaylor - when its synced nicely here its good. I agree with @oorlab  about the panning/eq but, hey, I used computer generated harmonies until recently so am noone to talk!
The song is long- what a feat to get all those words to fit - so my other observation would be that  more of a change in the arrangement might work ( could be just leaving the harmony voice out in places).
Oh, and its inspiring to see people joining the kitchen and jumping right into a Challenge ::thumb::

Robert
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Mora Amaro La Loba on May 23, 2019, 20:50:21
Nice song @Susantaylor and wonderful way using magic words. Great lyrics!!
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Susantaylor on May 24, 2019, 21:51:31
I admire anyone who can harmonise a complete song @Susantaylor - when its synced nicely here its good. I agree with @oorlab  about the panning/eq but, hey, I used computer generated harmonies until recently so am noone to talk!
The song is long- what a feat to get all those words to fit - so my other observation would be that  more of a change in the arrangement might work ( could be just leaving the harmony voice out in places).
Oh, and its inspiring to see people joining the kitchen and jumping right into a Challenge ::thumb::

Robert

Thank you Robert, The feed back is much appreciated :)
In a few weeks I should be a little more free (this was a rush job) I'll certainly look at this song again with the advice :)
Thank you for your kindness :)
All the best
Susan
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Susantaylor on May 24, 2019, 21:52:36
Nice song @Susantaylor and wonderful way using magic words. Great lyrics!!

Thank you Mora, as always you are very kind :)
Have a great weekend xx
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Layerson on June 10, 2019, 08:47:37
Hey @Susantaylor - I must say 42 is a magic number  ::headphone:: well, almost (think it's 43... just a reference from Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy...).

A really nice and pleasant song, and the chorus kinda grew on me.

Vocal harmonies are a favourite of mine too. However, they are perhaps a little out of sync in places and I couldn't help thinking if it was by intent or not? Think it might sound a little better with them in sync but that's just a personal taste. They sound beautiful and works well with the rest of the arrangement.

I like all your "voices" and personally I might had used just one of them in isolation for the verses and all of them in unison for the choruses? That might have brought more contrast to the song.

All in all a great entry and a great song  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: :pompom:

 ::Rachel::
/Micke

Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: DonMar on June 12, 2019, 13:51:44
My goodness, this is amazing, @Susantaylor.   :) Especially as the story relates a topical event in your country.

Almost every line could be used for a separate lyric of its own. I think you have a year's worth of material.  ;)

Really good of you to talk part in the Challenge. You certainly took it seriously.  :D

Donna
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: LePlongeur on June 13, 2019, 08:44:39
Did you hear the loud BOINK!!!! just now?
That was my lower jaw boinking on my shoe laces.
Did you say, @Susantaylor, that you're a novice?
If so, I wish I had noviced like you do.
What bravery to be shy and still do this!

Keep on keepin' on (said Curtis Mayfield).
Kind regards, Gus
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Susantaylor on June 13, 2019, 11:10:15
Hey @Susantaylor - I must say 42 is a magic number  ::headphone:: well, almost (think it's 43... just a reference from Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy...).

A really nice and pleasant song, and the chorus kinda grew on me.

Vocal harmonies are a favourite of mine too. However, they are perhaps a little out of sync in places and I couldn't help thinking if it was by intent or not? Think it might sound a little better with them in sync but that's just a personal taste. They sound beautiful and works well with the rest of the arrangement.

I like all your "voices" and personally I might had used just one of them in isolation for the verses and all of them in unison for the choruses? That might have brought more contrast to the song.

All in all a great entry and a great song  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: :pompom:

 ::Rachel::
/Micke

Hi Micke,
Thanks for the lovely comments and feed back  ;D sorry I didn't reply sooner I've been out of the country.
Yeah, 42 the answer to the universe according to hitch hikers guide to the galaxy (haha - didn't see that one at all, it wasn't planned)
The harmonies are a bit out of sync I see what you mean. To be honest it was totally last minute and all the harmonies were done on the spot, I was writing the lyrics while recording (it was done in a day so I guess this shows)  ;D
Thanks for being kind and listening! I appreciate you giving me your time and lending me your ears :)
Take care and speak soon
Cyber hugs
Susan
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Susantaylor on June 13, 2019, 11:15:47
My goodness, this is amazing, @Susantaylor.   :) Especially as the story relates a topical event in your country.

Almost every line could be used for a separate lyric of its own. I think you have a year's worth of material.  ;)

Really good of you to talk part in the Challenge. You certainly took it seriously.  :D

Donna

Hi Donna,
Wow thank you for such a lovely comment! That is so incredibly sweet.
I'm lucky that lyrics don't take me long at all. My mum always wrote poetry when I was little and I'm a bit of a book worm.
I think the hardest part is finding a tune which is totally original. One of my music teachers often used the quote "all musicians are thieves and magpies", there is so much truth in this as it is difficult not to subconsciously use familiar sounds.
Thank you for giving me your time and listening! I really appreciate it!
Cyber hugs
Susan
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Susantaylor on June 13, 2019, 11:21:15
Did you hear the loud BOINK!!!! just now?
That was my lower jaw boinking on my shoe laces.
Did you say, @Susantaylor, that you're a novice?
If so, I wish I had noviced like you do.
What bravery to be shy and still do this!

Keep on keepin' on (said Curtis Mayfield).
Kind regards, Gus

Hi Gus,
Thank you for such a lovely comment! I really appreciate your kind words.
I used to write and perform a little in my teens but I found performing in public hard as I was very shy.
A few years ago something life changing happened to me (I was very, very close to death) and I decided that I wanted to make an album to recover the time I had lost. I've done 3 and each one really is a learning curve! little by little I'm learning, my equipment is basic so sometimes the sound is a little rough.
Thank you for being so kind, you have all made my day!!
Cyber hugs
Susan x
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Mar T. on June 18, 2019, 16:46:17
Hey @Susantaylor , thank you so much for joining (your first?) kitchen challenge! I enjoyed your entry a lot! Well done instrumental and I love the vocal harmonies.. Chapeau!!!

Cheers, Love and Peace,
Mar T.
:mart:
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Susantaylor on June 18, 2019, 16:54:20
Hey @Susantaylor , thank you so much for joining (your first?) kitchen challenge! I enjoyed your entry a lot! Well done instrumental and I love the vocal harmonies.. Chapeau!!!

Cheers, Love and Peace,
Mar T.
:mart:
Thank you very much Mar T,  It was fun to do something different :) Thank you for including me!
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: man of simple pleasures on June 18, 2019, 21:54:11
@Susantaylor pretty good to get that amount of words in, nice tune and nice piano work in there! good stuff!
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Bill from November Sound on July 01, 2019, 14:52:47
Congratulations @Susantaylor … your first kitchen challenge! You did it.  :D
It seems there should be a prize for using so many of the words!
 :)
Good show!
-11 ::Note::
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: LePlongeur on July 23, 2019, 08:56:55
If you tell no one, I just came back for another spin.
SHHHHHHHHH!
Is there a new one in the making? (Is this English at all?) I'll keep that a secret too.
Kind regards, Gus
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Susantaylor on July 23, 2019, 09:32:58
Hi Gus,
I have a few things in the pipeline.
At the moment I am writing a children's English book (as a second language for 4/5 year olds) focusing on phonetics. I have found that the main texts books for Children this age don't really engage them enough so I'm doing my own, so my next few songs will probably be about alligators and llamas  ;D ;D
I am working on some more adult stuff too, but I am rethinking my tactic, I'm experimenting with some new sounds. Hopefully you'll like the results.
Basically I don't stop :)
Hope you are having a great summer :) :)
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Leonard Scaper on July 23, 2019, 16:42:26
Glad to hear that you have stuff in the works.....looking forward to hearing some new sounds.

 :)
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Susantaylor on July 23, 2019, 16:57:06
Glad to hear that you have stuff in the works.....looking forward to hearing some new sounds.

 :)

Thank you Leonard :) I'm going for something completely different (apart from the kids songs) ;D
Hope you are having a good summer :)
Title: Re: BLUE LAGOON - (MAGIC WORDS CHALLENGE) :)
Post by: Leonard Scaper on July 24, 2019, 12:54:07
Hope you are having a good summer :)

 :)

The catfish are jumping.........and the cotton is high.