Songwriters in the Kitchen!

Board index => Songs for review => Topic started by: DanJames on June 26, 2019, 00:25:55

Title: Service with a Smile
Post by: DanJames on June 26, 2019, 00:25:55
Hi Kitchen,

Another demo rework.  Some of you might remember a very rough acoustic version of this one from a couple of years ago.

This new version is what was actually in my head when I wrote it:

Service with a Smile

https://soundcloud.com/andomobot/service-with-a-smile (https://soundcloud.com/andomobot/service-with-a-smile)

Service with a smile,
Wishing you a good day,
But Iím still in denial,
And hurting in a bad way.

I may forget the things you said to me,
But Iíll remember how you made me feel.
I may regret the new reality,
But only I know what this mask conceals.

Can I help you?
Can you help me?
I donít want to see you,
But weíre in too deep.

Service with a smile,
Wishing you a good day,
But Iím still in denial,
And hurting in a bad way.
Service with a smile,
Revelations in store,
But Iíll hold on for a while,
Till everythingís been paid for.

I may deceive you with my calm goodbyes,
But I canít hide true feelings in my eyes.
Someday soon I know this pain will fade,
Till then I must keep up the masquerade.

Feedback welcome!

Dan
Title: Re: Service with a Smile
Post by: MrBouzouki on June 26, 2019, 02:43:15
Hi @DanJames

I'll just post my SounCloud comments here to start :-

Great intro
Love that harmony riff
The slight Vox pause if very effective
Nice guitar tone on this

The only things I can think of is maybe having a bit of tambourine at 2:28 just to give a bit more of a percussive thing and at the end it seems a bit of a sudden cut off. I wonder about using the harmony riff to bookend the piece and finish it nicely.

Good Job

 ::OSMAN:: ::OSMAN:: ::OSMAN::








Title: Re: Service with a Smile
Post by: Leonard Scaper on June 26, 2019, 13:17:20
Nice tune.....love how it moves. You really set the table with that hot guitar and snare lead in.
Title: Re: Service with a Smile
Post by: Mora Amaro La Loba on June 26, 2019, 20:31:18
Hi @DanJames

A song with strength, very catchy and, despite the masquerade, with a very cheerful atmosphere.
Title: Re: Service with a Smile
Post by: realkevm on June 27, 2019, 00:04:12
Rock n roll man, love it
Title: Re: Service with a Smile
Post by: LePlongeur on June 27, 2019, 11:22:07
Love the poppy aspect of it. Light hearted, light footed, donít know how to say it exactly, but I guess you get the thought.
The devilís advocate: if this is what you had in mind all the time already, why did you keep us waiting?
Love it!
Kind regards, Gus
Title: Re: Service with a Smile
Post by: robertkc on June 27, 2019, 18:12:46
@DanJames What`s not to like about this  :pompom: :pompom:- snappy, a little humour in the lyrics, fantastic guitar tone and a vocal that captures attitude .
Love it!
In two minds about the ending- will give it another spin.

Robert
Title: Re: Service with a Smile
Post by: Jurgen on June 28, 2019, 02:28:53
Great stuff @DanJames

That "service with a smile" reminds me of the Housemartins - very catchy and upbeat

The only suggestion I would make is that the intro may not need the layered vocals - which will mean the layers have more impact when they come in.

Nice acoustic solo - a little short though  :)

cheers
Title: Re: Service with a Smile
Post by: DanJames on June 29, 2019, 23:32:08
Thanks @MrBouzouki , @realkevm , @Jurgen @Leonard Scaper @LePlongeur @Mora Amaro La Loba @robertkc @Bill from November Sound  for listening, much appreciated.

@MrBouzouki : Good idea re the ending. I have added the dual guitar lick right at the end, as you suggested.

@LePlongeur : unfortunately i didn't have any functioning electric guitars when I originally wrote it 2 years ago! But thanks to Ebay,  I now have a guitar (Aria STG - £40) and bass (Peavey Millenium BXP- £37)

@Jurgen : sounds like you were reviewing the rough original...  My fault, I have removed that link now to avoid confusion!

Thanks again. I've entered it into the UK Songwriting Contest now.

Dan