Songwriters in the Kitchen!

Board index => Songs for review => Topic started by: lu77 on June 26, 2019, 15:42:53

Title: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: lu77 on June 26, 2019, 15:42:53
not sure if this should go in collaborations or here.

but i think my fave song and melody that iíve written is this track.
https://soundcloud.com/blackbauble/the-great-balloon-song

i have tried several times over more than a decade to come up with lyrics, but they never seem to do justice to the emotion of the melody.

anyone think they can give me a nudge?
or be my hal  david, (not that iím burt bacharach!)

ignore the title, itís a working title.  hope you like the track

(iím hoping no one says ďoh this is a famous melody from a show tuneĒ or some such because it does feel very familiar and rolled out of my head very easily!)

louisa
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Leonard Scaper on June 26, 2019, 17:49:59
Lots of potential with this one.

Can you come up with a word or two that might describe the feeling that springs forth from the emotion of the melody when you hear it?

Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Dutchbeat on June 26, 2019, 18:07:08
great thread @lu77  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: i hope someone can help you to get you started on the lyrics, propose lyrics

this could be a job for @DonMar, a lyricist from Canada who lives in the netherlands at the moment (i believe)
or for @smajor, he writes many lyrics with othersongwriters


Great tune @lu77   ::thumb:: ::thumb:: in fact the lyricless singing... works very well also in my opinion  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::

would also be nice, in my mind, if you have a drumbeat kicking in halfway the track

anyway....kitcheneers, kitchenettes and kitchenistas....help @lu77  out with the lyrics ...i can not write lyrics at all, but many others out here are pretty good at it

btw we could make this into a Kitchen songwriting challenge....  8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
that contestants have to come up with a lyrical idea for this tune ...and @lu77 , gets to pick the winner? (in stead of having a voting poll about it)

anyway, thanks for sharing  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: @lu77
and sorry for my rambling  :P ::) ::) ::) :-X :-X :-X :-X

Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: lu77 on June 26, 2019, 18:14:01
good question!

VERSE
to me the verse is appreciative and hopeful and happy -  lofty! like an air balloon! (hereís all these good thing, letís hope this continues, things are great)

PRE CHORUS
then the line just before the chorus suggests reaching for something just beyond grasp (but just imagine if we.. wouldnít that be good?), and then reaching again and succeeding (just imagine, letís try it... yes youíll come with me? hooray)

CHORUS
and the chorus is... aspirational (if we could, maybe we will) moving to, joyful..(life would be perfect, weíd be together forever) like the air balloon has taken off and youíre seeing incredible vistas and overcome with emotion, and want to make declarations of love!

then the whole cycle starts again.

I feel like itíd be the best pub song or karaoke song if the lyrics were right... like a footy song! ďweíll always triumph, never a downfall, we always get up we can face anythingĒ

maybe i just donít have the experiences to draw from, maybe itís about proposing to someone and spending their lives together...

or maybe itís about an octopuses garden in the shade!

iíd feel sad if it were a challenge and lots of people didnít get picked, but anyone interested of course iíd be happy to share credits and find a way to get it studio recorded... beyond me singing into my phone!

Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: oorlab on June 26, 2019, 23:14:48
Fruitful sketch.

here are some thoughts:

here comes the balloon
a-drift on the trade wind,
signing off on gravity
will we ever get back?

@Dutchbeat - good idea to make it a challenge and change the voting procedure into a one-person jury.


Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: realkevm on June 27, 2019, 00:08:32
We're floating above the clouds
We're floating above the clouds
Don't ever look down
Don't ever look down

Take me away
Take me away

Take me away

Until we reach the ground
We're on the ground
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: lu77 on June 27, 2019, 12:52:39
i see that my balloon imagery has infected you!

i did find that description process of what each part of the song felt like really helpful, it might even help me find a breakthrough with the song,

i especially like the way  realkevmís lyrics fit strongly with the chorus syllables and a lack of fear to repeat a line which i think suits this songís style!

louisa
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: lu77 on June 27, 2019, 15:34:19
of course talking about it made me want to have a go too so i had another effort last night on a completely left of field topic - my dad who passed four years ago. the problem is for such a universal tune/melody i donít know how relatable the lyrics are nor do they have that sing along gusto...

VERSE 1
 itís always tough between just you and me
And now youíre gone
I know that you
Wanted much more
I know iím
not what you thought
You dreamed of more

CHORUS
itís just the three of us
no one can divide us
Mum me and you
And the dogs too

Im never happier
Knowing iíve got you there
here in my heart
never apart

VERSE 2
I might not be
the best kid on the block
oh how I tried
You worked hard
for us all
With  your charm
everyone falls
But few get through your walls

CHORUS
Each night I dream of you
And of course mum too
And both the dogs
On our laps like logs

Im never happier
Knowing iíve got you there
here in my heart
never apart
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Leonard Scaper on June 27, 2019, 16:54:07
the problem is for such a universal tune/melody i donít know how relatable the lyrics are nor do they have that sing along gusto...

All that may be true to a point.....but these are very good lyrics. If you think they don't fit this one you could work  up another melody for them.
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: lu77 on June 27, 2019, 18:16:35
the problem is for such a universal tune/melody i donít know how relatable the lyrics are nor do they have that sing along gusto...

All that may be true to a point.....but these are very good lyrics. If you think they don't fit this one you could work  up another melody for them.

thatís kind that you like the lyrics, i think there are some strong moments in there.

i find it very hard to write about dad, thereís so much to say,  more like an essay than lyrics.
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Dutchbeat on June 27, 2019, 21:37:47
hi @lu77 , it is good to see that you seem to start conquering your lyrics writing block on this song.... ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::

i agree with @Leonard Scaper , these are some great lyrics  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::

go for it!  :dance: :dance: :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes:
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Bill from November Sound on June 27, 2019, 22:06:44
ya know @Dutchbeat  ?  .. I was almost thinking this could be a kitchen challenge to come up with lyrics for this song ...... but then @lu77 had to go and ruin it with these:

AWESOME LYRICS!!!!

You go @lu77 !!! This song is going to be great!  :)
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: lu77 on June 27, 2019, 23:43:53
oh, sorry

thanks for the compliments everyone....

still not so sure myself.
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: MrBouzouki on June 28, 2019, 01:08:43
An interesting thread and lots of good stuff already posted here which I won't add to.

One thing I wondered about if you are stuck for lyrics is the combination of changing from guitar to say keyboards and  / or slowing down the tempo a bit ?

I've sometimes got a melody and been stuck for words, changed instruments or tempo and something has appeared for me lyrically.  Sometimes we can get so attached to one an idea we can't take a look at it from another direction.

It is worth saying you lyrics come across very strongly. I think you have written a different song here though.
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: lu77 on June 28, 2019, 11:38:33
agreed the challenge is still on... writing lyrics that match the tone of the music....
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Dutchbeat on June 29, 2019, 17:20:38
why not go for this challenge then ? ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: @Bill from November Sound @MrBouzouki @Leonard Scaper @oorlab @realkevm ...and @all

the-come-up-with-lyrics-challenge for the instrumental track from @lu77

and make a recorded version of you singing it to the original track from @lu77 , or make your own arrangment, recording, mix / remix etc.

The original tracks is found here:
https://soundcloud.com/blackbauble/the-great-balloon-song (https://soundcloud.com/blackbauble/the-great-balloon-song)

who would be in for this challenge?

i am in for it myself  :yes: :yes: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:

so...we have one contestant  ;D ;D ;D ;D already

@Dutchbeat
....
....
....

[place your name / nick here if you want to join]
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: lu77 on June 29, 2019, 17:46:49
yup iím gonna give it a trytooo... 8th try is lucky right?

we all vote on our faves?
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Dutchbeat on June 29, 2019, 17:52:22
yup iím gonna give it a trytooo... 8th try is lucky right?

we all vote on our faves?

that is the spirit @lu77 , so...now we already have two contestants...

@Dutchbeat
@lu77
....
....
....

[place your name here if you are in to join this challenge]


about voting....perhaps we have our voting poll ICT guy @Mar T. weigh in on that..:-)

but as for a deadline, what about end of july?

who dares to join? :-)
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Bill from November Sound on June 29, 2019, 18:14:43
Are you sure you want to do this @lu77  ????  ;D    It can get pretty crazy around here.  :shinyteeth:   
It seems like you already came up with good lyrics for the song....   Should she put this up for a challenge @Dutchbeat ??
If people are up for it I'm in, though.
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: lu77 on June 29, 2019, 18:20:22
yeah iím sure, this needs combined brain power.

personally iíd like to see everyone tinkering and adding, like those round robin stories where each new line is by a different author. except each new tinker is by a different member... but maybe that can be a later challenge
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Dutchbeat on June 29, 2019, 18:46:24
great  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

so...now have as contestants

@Dutchbeat
@lu77
@Bill from November Sound
....
....

[sign in here for the challenge  ;D ;D ;D]

@lu77 , can you put the soundcloud track on downloadable..so we can sing to it in our recorders / DAWs?
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: LePlongeur on June 29, 2019, 22:07:47
Hi @lu77
I think your music is so universally uplifting, it deserves an equally uplifting text. Or lyrics if that is your prefer (action).

English is not my native language, as you may have noticed, but I would like to whisper some lines in your ear, should you choose/chose to give the lyrics another chance.

The basis is cut to my size: sharp and simple.
I love that very very very much.
Writing something simple is always more difficult than expected.

So:
I love your lyrics
If you want to stick to them: cheers, theyíre great
If you have second thoughts: I  have some ideas that will curl your toes.

And look at my whatever. Granddad from Amsterdam, whatíve you got to loose?
Give me a PM if you want to discus this further? Please, I mean.
Kind regards, Gus

Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: oorlab on July 01, 2019, 00:24:29
@Dutchbeat  @lu77  - cuont me in, - though July is travelling month for me, so I may not be at home to fulfill the challenge to the end.
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Dutchbeat on July 02, 2019, 20:57:52
@Dutchbeat  @lu77  - cuont me in, - though July is travelling month for me, so I may not be at home to fulfill the challenge to the end.


all right @oorlab , thanks for joining this challenge too

so...now have as contestants

@Dutchbeat
@lu77
@Bill from November Sound
@oorlab
....
....

[subscribe to the challenge here]
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: realkevm on July 05, 2019, 14:32:36
I'm in, what are the chords please @lu77?
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: lu77 on July 06, 2019, 14:00:23
ah! Chords!

VERSE
E (open) A (open)
E (open) A (open)
F# B
F# B

CHORUS
E (open) A (open)
A G# F#
E (open) A (open)
A G# F# B
A G# F# B
A G# F#  E (Open)

Personally I play all the not open chords as power chords, (barre chords using only the top 3 strings) so I havenít written down which ones are major or minor as I donít play them that way. iíve seen them written as B5, but i donít know if thatís technically correct as iím not highly musically trained.

louisa

Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: 1roomstudio on July 06, 2019, 17:37:57
ah! Chords!

VERSE
E (open) A (open)
E (open) A (open)
F# B
F# B

CHORUS
E (open) A (open)
A G# F#
E (open) A (open)
A G# F# B
A G# F# B
A G# F#  E (Open)

Personally I play all the not open chords as power chords, (barre chords using only the top 3 strings) so I havenít written down which ones are major or minor as I donít play them that way. iíve seen them written as B5, but i donít know if thatís technically correct as iím not highly musically trained.

louisa

The power chords imply a major or minor chord depending on the melody you choose....

Assuming by ďopenĒ you mean ď not a bar chordĒ (American spelling  ;) ) and that E or A means major not minor (conventionally written Em or Am) then the power chords are implied as follows: F# minor B major or conventionally F#m B and then later A G#m F#m  and later still A G#m F#m B.

I say ďimpliedĒ because these would be the chords that fall naturally into the key of E Major... as established by your opening verse.

That said... the better way to tell is to sing or play a melody over these chords. If while playing the F# (for example) your voice goes to the note A then itís an F# minor chord. If your voice wants to go to the note A# then itís an F# major chord. Either version works... itís ďwhatís in your headĒ or what do your ears tell you that matters. Once you know the difference, it will help you to write the chords more conventionally and also help in this sort of dialogue with others.

By the way ... writing the power chord as B5 is a logical shorthand. More conventionally would be B (no 3rd) or Bm (no 3rd) which lets the reader know whether the major or minor chord is implied.

Sorry if this too wonky... but the possible melodic intent of the chords you have written would sound very different depending on whether those chords imply a major or minor. We need to know what you hear in your head when you play these chords.

I hope this helps..
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: 1roomstudio on July 06, 2019, 17:49:19
Well ... being new to this forum I just stepped into a thread thinking I was the first to reply when there was already a page full before me.

Forgive me if my post makes no sense at this point.

For what itís worth... here is what happened ... I went to @lu77  s profile and clicked on a recent post... I thought it was the first post in the thread (DOH!!!j It took me a while to figure out what happened

Please be gentle with this noobie!   

EDIT:  now that Iíve listened to the sketch... yeah itís in E major.....

Really great melody , chord progression and overall composition. Looking forward to hearing the finished piece!  8)

Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Dutchbeat on July 06, 2019, 17:49:53
hi @1roomstudio (and @lu77 )

Louise placed a link to the track with the intended singing melody sung without words, this one:

https://soundcloud.com/blackbauble/the-great-balloon-song (https://soundcloud.com/blackbauble/the-great-balloon-song)

i would like to use this track to build some sort of mix with lyrics on top of it  ;D ;D ;D ;D around it....is it possible
@lu77 to make the track on Soundcloud downloadable for this @lu77 ??  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup

oh btw @1roomstudio , my and your post crossed, i see you missed the firstpost with the intended melody
would you also be in for giving this challenge a go?

so far we have the following contestants who want to give this a try:


@Dutchbeat
@lu77
@Bill from November Sound
@oorlab
@realkevm
....
....

[subscribe to the challenge here]
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: 1roomstudio on July 06, 2019, 18:03:59
hi @1roomstudio (and @lu77 )

Louise placed a link to the track with the intended singing melody sung without words, this one:

https://soundcloud.com/blackbauble/the-great-balloon-song (https://soundcloud.com/blackbauble/the-great-balloon-song)

i would like to use this track to build some sort of mix with lyrics on top of it  ;D ;D ;D ;D around it....is it possible
@lu77 to make the track on Soundcloud downloadable for this @lu77 ??  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup

oh btw @1roomstudio , my and your post crossed, i see you missed the firstpost with the intended melody
would you also be in for giving this challenge a go?

so far we have the following contestants who want to give this a try:


@Dutchbeat
@lu77
@Bill from November Sound
@oorlab
@realkevm
....
....

[subscribe to the challenge here]

Need a little time to recover from my faux pas and get my wits about me... donít count me out... but I need to get in my studio for a few hours...

I really like this place! 😎
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Dutchbeat on July 06, 2019, 19:39:44
"dont count me out"
....in kitchen terms  ;D ;D ;D ;D means that your are very in... for joining this challenge  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :shinyteeth: :shinyteeth: :shinyteeth: @1roomstudio  ;D :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

so we have the following contestants now, feel free to join...

@Dutchbeat
@lu77
@Bill from November Sound
@oorlab
@realkevm
@1roomstudio (stil contemplating)
....
....

[subscribe to the challenge here]

Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: lu77 on July 06, 2019, 23:49:25
yup itís in E maj. i only ďknowĒ that cos usually the first chord is the key, atleast with the songs i write which never change key cos i donít know how!

ok,i have made it downloadable.
https://soundcloud.com/blackbauble/the-great-balloon-song

i might have stems somewhere if you want them... but that could take a while to find, this song was several computers ago. and itíd only be three stems, guitar, vox, vox.
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: lu77 on July 06, 2019, 23:51:03
would ppl be more aware it was the new challenge if we put it in the challenge  section of the forum?
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: robertkc on July 07, 2019, 00:18:54
You`d be surprised how many lurkers are following your very interesting thread @lu77 .
Took me a few listens to find something coming through for  the melody . If I`m correct that we can write completely different lyrics then count me in @Dutchbeat .
The lyrics are good and personal- I find inspiration in them but don`t want to tinker .

Robert



Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: lu77 on July 07, 2019, 01:16:30
the only lyrics this song has is ďba ba ba baĒ etc...

personally iím pretty happy with the melody, but i think a challenge is best if people have the reigns they need to do what they do best.

ďmyĒ lyric attempt on page one was just one of my several attempts that failed yet again to match the feel of the music.
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Bill from November Sound on July 07, 2019, 01:32:58
"I just realized today that I should actually listen to the song" says the guy who was first to enter the competition. "Well, cousin Eddy always bid four without even looking at his hand ... or so the legend states" ....  :blackgrin: .... now on listening to the song ....  :bonk:  :doublebonk:  :bonk:  :doublebonk:     :o.   
With the cover art I expected a nice floating and whimsical electric piano and synth track. I mean it's about balloons right?  :D
Okay I got this.
I have write lyrics about balloons right? :shinyteeth:
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: lu77 on July 07, 2019, 02:16:18
THIS SONG DOES NOT HAVE TO BE ABOUT BALLOONS!
lol
itís just the nick name you know?
but sure, you can do balloons if that floats your ... balloon.
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Dutchbeat on July 07, 2019, 12:14:47
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D @lu77

you are right, i think i should make a separate thread for this challenge in the songwriting challenges section of this forum, i will do thatÖ.soon

but we now have the following contestants:


@Dutchbeat
@lu77
@Bill from November Sound
@oorlab
@realkevm
@1roomstudio (stil contemplating)
@robertkc
....
....

[subscribe to the challenge here]
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: 1roomstudio on July 07, 2019, 19:02:13
Okay... Iím in...

I have a first verse and the chorus.
That melody is real ear worm 👂🐛 ... catchy as hell! I had to find some lyrics just to stop the ďla da da daĒ over and over in my head!

So what are the guide, lines? Can I post what Iíve got for now? Right here?

Donít want to step into another faux pas in this same thread!👻
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Dutchbeat on July 07, 2019, 19:38:02
i started a new thread in the songwriting challenges section about this challenge now
https://www.songwriter-forum-kitchen.com/forum/challenges/18/the-new-songwriting-challenge-isss-official-thread/5534/msg59366;topicseen#msg59366 (https://www.songwriter-forum-kitchen.com/forum/challenges/18/the-new-songwriting-challenge-isss-official-thread/5534/msg59366;topicseen#msg59366)

but i think it works better....i just realize, if you start a new thread for your entry for this challenge
@1roomstudio
and all contestants do that for their entries and add someting like 'Louise's song looking for Lyrics Challenge' in the heading

so @Mar T.  can select and collect  ;D ;D all the songs and discussion threads for the voting poll later on....easily and without too much effort...because our kitchen IT wizard... @Mar T.  is getting a bit....lazy... ;D ;D ;D ..   .lately.... ;D ;D ;D ;D
yes...he is..:dance: :dance:

 :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: 1roomstudio on July 07, 2019, 20:12:06
So...  since my last post I was able to come up with a 2nd verse

@Dutchbeat  much appreciation for your efforts to organize the entries.

For now... I hope itís OK if I just post what Iíve got right here...

This song, to me, has the feel of an Anthem. Something to rally kindred spirits into action. Sort of a Punk version of ď We Are the WorldĒ or ďWe Are The ChampionsĒ 

I would call it ďSING WTH THE BANDĒ

VERSE 1
E (open) A (open)
Reach out ... your hand

E (open) A (open)
Rise up ... and stand

F# B
With me .... understand
F# B
Hear me ... yes we can
Sing... with the band

CHORUS
E (open) A (open)
Hold up your hands everyone
A G# F#

E (open) A (open)
Reach for our place in the sun

A G# F# B
This world is ours

A G# F# B
Reach for the stars

A G# F#  E (Open)
ď...then the whole cycle starts again.Ē

VERSE 2
E (open) A (open)
Be with ... us here

E (open) A (open)
Sing loud ... and clear

F# B
Soaring .... overland
F# B
Louder... yes you can
Sing... with the band


 
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Dutchbeat on July 07, 2019, 20:19:35
awesome @1roomstudio 
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Rabid Parrot on July 08, 2019, 09:30:53
https://soundcloud.com/rabid-parrot/the-great-balloon-song

THIS IS NOT A CONTEST ENTRY. 

This was an insanely catchy instrumental and opened up so many possibilities for little stories to tell.  I wanted to flip this quickly since I had a couple of hours to mess around tonight so here it is.  Did I tell you already how cool this instrumental is @lu77

I am posting it here as I am not entering the contest.  I am no longer a regular poster and didn't want to offend any regular contributors.  I haven't even written a song since my last contribution over a year ago.  I do however continue to receive the occasional notification in my email inbox and this one was particularly interesting because as a complete non-musician, I don't often feel comfortable chiming in on anything as I really have no musical background leg to stand on other than what I think just sounds good to me, and even then I can rarely articulate what it is I think.  But with words and stories and writing, I always have something to say.  Music and songs to me are opportunities to tell stories and communicate in images and music and I am absolutely in love with that aspect of songwriting.  The use of words and phrasings and inflections have always been of interest to me! 

So that said... this was written and recorded in less than 3 hours interspersed with work and watching some gaming stream - I didn't want to mess it up by sleeping on it, so this was all done in one take at 3am.  Hopefully I don't regret it tomorrow morning :P

What I heard in this short but incredibly power-charged instrumental was a sense of drowning guitars blocking out all but an almost playful playground background chant piercing through. Like rays of sunlight through a storm. 

It made me picture the feeling of being at a funeral of a loved one with so many unresolved emotions and grief and sympathy making you feel almost numb and unable to process your thoughts. 

My story is this moment: The service starts and it's the beginning of the formal goodbye. The deceased had tried to prepare you for this moment before their passing and wanted to provide you with the key to process your grief but in that moment you can't understand or appreciate the message - that the only thing to do is take one step at a time and find the strength to move forward. It's there you will ultimately understand your grief, accept your loss, and truly reconnect with all that was cherished.

I kept the title - "The Great Balloon Song" because in essence it is this image that I kept throughout as the resolution - lifting and rising above the world. It was a bit of a gamble to wait until 40 seconds in to introduce the vocal, but I think this instrumental creates such a solid foundation for the story that allowing it to simmer is almost like a panning opening sequence that lets your soak in what is to come.
The second challenge was to tell a complete vignette in the short total run time of 2:47 - but I think the brevity adds to the strength of the emotion as the song seeks an urgent resolution. 

The Great Balloon Song

And so it begins
And so we begin
Where are you now that youíre gone?
where are you now?

You shone like the sea Ė you washed over me
These words in my head, so precious, you said:
"When I am gone, I wonít be gone" (gone gone gone)
I try to feel but nothing feels real

My eyes are dry
My tears won't fall
I know you are here but why can't I feel nothing at all?
When all that we were is replaced with a scar

Emptiness canít be filled
We aren't meant to rebuild
The only step is beyond - into the unknown, out of the fog
And here I find - I see you now
At the clearing of the sky - I feel you now
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: lu77 on July 08, 2019, 10:01:32
Holy hell @Rabid Parrot that is magic.
I am deeply moved. Iím actually crying.
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Rabid Parrot on July 08, 2019, 15:45:30
oh and I just realised the inspirational source of this particular style of lyric:  - Arcade Fire - Wake Up
Of Monsters and Men - Dirty Paws
Jose Gonsalez - Step Out
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Bill from November Sound on July 08, 2019, 15:54:27
Quote
I am posting it here as I am not entering the contest.  I am no longer a regular poster and didn't want to offend any regular contributors.  I haven't even written a song since my last contribution over a year ago.  I do however continue to receive the occasional notification in my email inbox and this one was particularly interesting because as a complete non-musician, I don't often feel comfortable chiming in on anything as I really have no musical background leg to stand on other than what I think just sounds good to me, and even then I can rarely articulate what it is I think.

Hi @Rabid Parrot  ..... The kitchen has changed a lot over the years IMO .... and I can't imagine any regular poster being offended by what you have to offer. Whether you believe you're a musician or not - we love having you here!  :yes:
I miss what you add to the discussions and I hope that you'll feel free to join in whenever.  :thumbsup:
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Vince on July 08, 2019, 16:06:37
you've got excellent singing chops @Rabid Parrot   - most of the posts are song reviews  and I don't review songs , I don't speak good English to contribute to English as a 2nd language / lyric questions ....but every once in a while I find something to contribute to.

V
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Dutchbeat on July 08, 2019, 19:09:22
hi Vince @Rabid Parrot  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::

@Vince i thought you we from America...anyway your English , your singing and lyrics always sound perfect to me  ::thumb:: ::thumb::

and @Rabid Parrot ...you so...ARE a musician and a songwriter, simply because you make music  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: and you are GOOD at it!

great lyrics and vocal delivery @Rabid Parrot on this track from @lu77  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
super! mixingwise your voice and the music track could be mixed more 'together', but you only spent a few hours on making and recording this

sounds great...

can i try to convince you and @Vince  :loveit: :loveit: :loveit: ...to join this challenge anwyay? We...and especially @Bill from November Sound   ;D ;D ;D :yes: :yes: :yes: can use some fierce competition  ;D ;D :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes:

and....@others....the dedicated thread about this challenge is now here, feel free to join....deadline is august 1st....so PLENTY of time still to give it a try!

https://www.songwriter-forum-kitchen.com/forum/challenges/18/the-new-songwriting-challenge-isss-official-thread/5534/msg59366;topicseen#msg59366 (https://www.songwriter-forum-kitchen.com/forum/challenges/18/the-new-songwriting-challenge-isss-official-thread/5534/msg59366;topicseen#msg59366)

Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Vince on July 08, 2019, 21:20:31
I'm American right down  to my birthday suite @Dutchbeat   it's just I wouldn't know an noun from a verb even if it bit me on my .... nose  :blackgrin:

I was just commenting that even if someone is not writing at the moment or chooses not to post what they're working on - it's still nice to hear from them from time to time. In my short time here I've seen them come and go and it's too bad because they seemed like such nice people.

This contest isn't for me DB, but thanks. Also I thought it was a good soccer game and you can take heart in the fact that no one watches women's football  ;D
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Dutchbeat on July 08, 2019, 21:26:01
@Vince nice to bring up THE GAME, the world championship soccer FINAL

5 million people watched it in the Netherlands, and yes, i was one of them  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

congratulations to team USA with the fourth title,
of which the last three were consecutive  :o :o :o :o :o :o
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: lu77 on July 08, 2019, 21:49:47
darn, me and my colleagues in australia were really hoping Netherlands would break the USA stronghold!

sorry for being off topic. and i concur @Rabid Parrot  you can sing, you can arrange, you can write. that makes you a song writer my friend!
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Leonard Scaper on July 09, 2019, 13:52:40
https://soundcloud.com/rabid-parrot/the-great-balloon-songThe Great Balloon Song

And so it begins
And so we begin
Where are you now that youíre gone?
where are you now?

You shone like the sea Ė you washed over me
These words in my head, so precious, you said:
"When I am gone, I wonít be gone" (gone gone gone)
I try to feel but nothing feels real

My eyes are dry
My tears won't fall
I know you are here but why can't I feel nothing at all?
When all that we were is replaced with a scar

Emptiness canít be filled
We aren't meant to rebuild
The only step is beyond - into the unknown, out of the fog
And here I find - I see you now
At the clearing of the sky - I feel you now

This is really good @Rabid Parrot ........seriously!
Title: Re: a song that needs lyrics.... help?
Post by: Dutchbeat on October 12, 2019, 18:19:51
oh and I just realised the inspirational source of this particular style of lyric:  - Arcade Fire - Wake Up
Of Monsters and Men - Dirty Paws
Jose Gonsalez - Step Out

oh and....Congratulations with your birthday @Rabid Parrot !!!!!!!!!

i guess it is early in the morning at this moment in Australia now...so...i hope you have a great day  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: :thumbsup: