Songwriters in the Kitchen!

Board index => Songs for review => Topic started by: CGHound on May 07, 2020, 06:53:26

Title: Young Boy A Voyage Through Live
Post by: CGHound on May 07, 2020, 06:53:26
https://soundcloud.com/user-316831637/young-boy-2020 https://soundcloud.com/user-316831637/young-boy-2020 (https://soundcloud.com/user-316831637/young-boy-2020)

Young Boy

Young boy drifting down to the sea.
Hoping for all that he can be.
Astronaut  or bumble be
Oh, where are dreams will  take us.

Searching high searching low for the thing he'll never know.
Following the sound of a mocking  crow.

Young man making your plans
thinking about girls in a distant land
A playboy or a father of three
Where this life can take us

Searching high searching low for the thing he'll never know.
Following the sound of a mocking  crow.

Old man drifting out to sea.
Hoping for all that he could be
Einstein or John F Kennedy
Where this life won't take us
Title: Re: Young Boy A Voyage Through Live
Post by: Leonard Scaper on May 07, 2020, 16:12:37
I like how these lyrics progress through life. The song moves nicely....this is a pleasant listen. Nice job.
Title: Re: Young Boy A Voyage Through Live
Post by: LePlongeur on May 07, 2020, 19:56:55
If I would say that Iíd wholeheartedly agree with mr. Scaper, I would be cutting some corners.
So, yes, I agree, but nitpickingly at the same time I wonder if a lift or bridge would freshen the whole song up?
What da ya think
@CGHound ?
Itís just an opinion, but itís my opinion.
Kind regards, Gus
Title: Re: Young Boy A Voyage Through Live
Post by: CGHound on May 08, 2020, 06:11:32
If I would say that Iíd wholeheartedly agree with mr. Scaper, I would be cutting some corners.
So, yes, I agree, but nitpickingly at the same time I wonder if a lift or bridge would freshen the whole song up?
What da ya think @CGHound ?
Itís just an opinion, but itís my opinion.
Kind regards, Gus

It kinda has an A B and C  part with  the C part  being  "Another night dims the light.  Another day slips away. I think maybe a musical bridge might be good. Maybe something with tension and dissonance to lead back to the  main theme. Maybe it would give the listen an emotional reaction just to the music so when the last verse come in and repeats it means something slightly different to the listener.

I appreciate your input and I think you are onto something. Thanks. :ok:
Title: Re: Young Boy A Voyage Through Live
Post by: Polestar on May 08, 2020, 11:59:51
This songs got a lovely quality - I like songs that generate feeling a mood and this one does it for me. It reminds me of childhood memories. There's an innocence to it which reflect the lyrics really well and that's good song writing in my book.

I think the song could do with a lift somewhere. It moves along along nicely, but I was hoping for a bit of a step up in intensity, perhaps a build into the end of the song to dial up the passion and emotion a bit. Might also benefit from a bit of a bridge, a change in direction at some point, to keep it fresh?

Really great work though, I like this a lot.