• A 1000 Doors - sketch
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A 1000 Doors - sketch
on: September 13, 2019, 05:56:57
hi all,

I've was just in Europe for a few weeks and met up with my sister and brother-in-law.

He's ex-police, special forces within the UK police so had some interesting stories.

A couple of things he said really resonated with me and when I got home, unable to sleep due to jet lag, I wrote this song.

It's a sketch idea and I can already hear that it's probably too slow on this version, but you'll get the idea.

At some point I'll present this to my band to workout how we play it but for now here it is with just a guitar.

So any comments, areas where I can improve it etc. please let me know.

https://soundcloud.com/jurgen-joarder/a-1000-doors/s-nUXUC

Words:

 A 1000 Doors

I've knocked down a 1000 doors
Don't want do a 1000 more
That kind of pressure can make
you feel you're not you

I turn it off before it begins
Turn it on when we go in
Don't want to feel this way
for longer than I need to

chorus
The walls are closing in
It's time to make a change
Yes the walls are closing in

The last few seconds hear the silence
Then it's in with just enough violence
To get them down and still
And put the cuffs on

Some of the things I've seen
make me stop believing in
The love that we should have
For each other

chorus
The walls are closing in
It's time to make a change
Yes the walls are closing in

outtro
And I don't to bring that shit
Home to you and our daughter
No I don't want to bring it home

I've knocked down a 1000 doors
Don't want to do a 1000 more


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Re: A 1000 Doors - sketch
Reply #1 on: September 13, 2019, 12:24:16
This is a very good song @Jurgen .....it hits home in a very real life way. I listened s second time right away....it really drew me in. As you work on it, work on finding places in your delivery to really tease out the emotion that is in there.

For instance, in these lines

Don't want to feel this way
for longer than I need to


.....I was hearing the word need stretched out and invested with that emotion.

I like how you sang the outro as back home ....I think you should keep it like that as it adds something. I was thinking that when you perform the outro you might try stripping down the instrumentation for it and then coming to a stop to let it sink in. Then maybe go right into those last lines.

I'm looking forward to hearing this one with the band.

"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


Re: A 1000 Doors - sketch
Reply #2 on: September 13, 2019, 12:49:23
Really enjoyed the simplicity of the song, the lyrics and the melody. I’m all about the rawness of a song this appeals to me👌


Re: A 1000 Doors - sketch
Reply #3 on: September 14, 2019, 15:02:06
Hola @Jurgen

It is a story full of reality. There are jobs that eat the soul.
I think a rock arrangement would go well with the story, as for the tempo I think it's fine. However, you could better define chorus, the image it portrays is very interesting.
I did not know that to live I had to die so many times
My Youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAaK7mFK7fUpf1E99I1Qtow
My Vimeo Songs of Thought channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moraamarolaloba
My Vimeo Downtempo channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moramarolalobadowntempo


Re: A 1000 Doors - sketch
Reply #4 on: September 14, 2019, 16:10:33
Hi Jurgen, it's a cool song, the words are strong, I like the idea of a real life story ....the chorus can make a catchy tune, I am curious about an electric version, it's a real potential in it  ::thumb:: Cheers


Re: A 1000 Doors - sketch
Reply #5 on: September 14, 2019, 18:41:16
I like the idea behind your song @Jurgen and the details that make it telling:

The last few seconds hear the silence
Then it's in with just enough violence
To get them down and still
And put the cuffs on

good lines! My only suggestion on lyrics would be to edit out unnescessary  words (eg. on the above, "then its " could be cut with no loss of meaning).
I hope you do this with your band & work on the dynamics to get the feeling out on that chorus ::thumb::

Robert




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Re: A 1000 Doors - sketch
Reply #6 on: September 18, 2019, 01:38:00
thanks for listening and the suggestions

@Leonard Scaper -  yes I need to work on the phrasing. For some reason it takes me a long time to remember my words - I think it's from never having sung before I never needed to learn any words. So when I do these demos, part of me is struggling to remember what words are coming next. It's only a demo but I should learn the words before hand and try and phrase them better.

In saying that though - my phrasing always needs work as does finding a melody so thanks for the suggestion.

I also like your idea re the outtro - when a band builds up and at times drops out it can have a real impact, especially playing live.

@Mora Amaro La Loba  - yes a job that eats the soul - very apt with this one.

Thanks @robertkc - will work on the words and phrasing and I think with the band this one will be faster so getting all those words in could be a challenge.

and cheers @dashyell and @mazzmarriott  for the comments!



Re: A 1000 Doors - sketch
Reply #7 on: September 19, 2019, 22:20:34
Hi @Jurgen  .... I can't really add anything regarding suggestions, etc. But, I want to comment that I really love hearing your original music again!  :shinyteeth: I think this song will be great.
Bill
Songwriter, Keyboards, Arranger, Producer & Engineer for November Sound

November Sound is based on the Mother, Father & Son musical trio of Melissa, Bill & Will. I'm the father so anything I post will have my wife singing and/or my son playing percussion.


Re: A 1000 Doors - sketch
Reply #8 on: September 20, 2019, 17:16:06
Sounds promising, Jurgen. But I would like to hear a more ready demo or something. I couldn't feel the energy of it. Maybe because it's a very early sketch. Anyway, looking foward to see what you and your band can come up with.


Re: A 1000 Doors - sketch
Reply #9 on: September 21, 2019, 01:04:25
Hi @Jurgen where in the UK did you visit?
Your voice sounds a LOT like Lawrence from Denim, are you sure you aren't him in disguise?! It's great. The guitar playing is a bit clunky in places not that matters in this demo/sketchversion. It' s a nice chord progression and a it's refreshing to listen to a song that tells a story. Nice one.


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Re: A 1000 Doors - sketch
Reply #10 on: September 25, 2019, 02:01:12
« Last Edit: September 25, 2019, 02:08:05 by Jurgen »
Thanks @Bill from November Sound - I must admit I'm enjoying trying to write songs again. I'd forgotten how frustrating it can be though!

I agree @alcapone_dudu  - it's too hesitant and I should have waited and rehearsed it a lot more before recording it. Sometimes I get impatient to get something recorded!

I don't know Denim at all @realkevm - I'll check them out. And yes, a bit clunky - too rushed I think.

I was mainly in London (where I'm originally from) but also went up to York, Bollington and Chester and also a couple of days down in Brighton.

Where are you - North East I seem to remember?

cheers


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Re: A 1000 Doors - sketch
Reply #11 on: September 25, 2019, 02:12:25
Hey my friend @Jurgen , I loved this piece. In this case I was focussed on the message in the lyrics (yes, as all songwriters I suffer/benefit from scope/center of attention) - kind of changes.
Imo the first verse :

'I've knocked down a 1000 doors
Don't want do a 1000 more
That kind of pressure can make
you feel you're not you'

and the outtro :
'And I don't to bring that shit
Home to you and our daughter'

 create a contrast I can feel (in a completely other context). Great to hear you sketching songs again my friend..
What kind of result do you expect in terms of style and delivery? Just curious.. And of course to determine of any of us could help you achieve that!

Cheers, Love and Peace,
Mar T.
I'm proud of this track, check it out! https://soundcloud.com/martimedia/dreams


Re: A 1000 Doors - sketch
Reply #12 on: September 25, 2019, 22:12:31
Thanks @Bill from November Sound - I must admit I'm enjoying trying to write songs again. I'd forgotten how frustrating it can be though!

I agree @alcapone_dudu  - it's too hesitant and I should have waited and rehearsed it a lot more before recording it. Sometimes I get impatient to get something recorded!

I don't know Denim at all @realkevm - I'll check them out. And yes, a bit clunky - too rushed I think.

I was mainly in London (where I'm originally from) but also went up to York, Bollington and Chester and also a couple of days down in Brighton.

Where are you - North East I seem to remember?

cheers
I'm in Hull mate not far from York :)


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Re: A 1000 Doors - sketch
Reply #13 on: October 01, 2019, 03:27:58
I dig this. Great lyrics and tone. Keep it up!



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