Aura of your smile

Hi kitcheners,

I hope you're well. After many long music-less days, some inspiration came my way yesterday morning and it became the first poem-song of the year (ps. I recorded it as soon as I got the idea and it's a very rough and sketchy vocal and recording). Here are the lyrics & link to song:

Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/rachel_debattista/aura-of-your-smile
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AbyWX-psl4&feature=youtu.be


LYRICS:
V1: Thoughts speak louder than words
In the boxes of images that let down my world
As I stare in your gaze
I try to stay strong
but I'm not sure what that entails

CH
Cos I could have followed your stride
And you could have glimpsed a sign of my light
Cos with all that's left behind
I never seem to lose, the aura of your smile

V2: They say it gets easier with time
but the minute hand's so slow
and as the weeks come clashing by
my jukebox rolls...

CH
Cos I could have followed your stride
And you could have glimpsed a sign of my light
Cos with all that's left behind
I never seem to lose, the aura of your smile


take care & have a nice week
Rachel

 

that is great!!! very catchy and memorable singing melody, hit potential, yes!!!! it is beautiful in my opinion
what do you think @Goatrelated and @all others ?

i ALWAYS very much like the singing melodies you come up, and the lyrics are very, very nice too

(i listened  / watched the youtube version..i can recommend it  )

oh and *edit* , it happens we have two beautiful songs concerning "aura" at the same time in the top of the boards at the kitchen!!!

the other one is from @IronKnee .....see:
https://www.songwriter-forum-kitchen.com/forum/songs-for-review/2/your-aura-glows/6825/msg72043#msg72043

awesome song @Rachel_D 

Very nice @Rachel_D   when or if you re-record this, you could put in a little instrumental to flesh it out to 2 1/2 minutes and have the perfect radio friendly song. 

Hello @Rachel_D
These layers of vocals are nice. You have such a beautiful and clear voice.
Thank you for the Youtube version which enables to follow the lyrics as you sing along.

What I said on SC:

Love it to pieces. Tie a ribbon round it and leave it alone. That’s just my idea. I love the rough edges. I wouldn’t hug it to death if I were you. But, admittedly, I’m not xxx

And I mean every word of it!
12 beautiful dream like poem songs this year? I could get used to this kind of class!
Kind regards, Gus

I agree with @LePlongeur , you should leave it as it is. Its unpolished character works well. Some of the chord changes reminded me a bit of Angels by Robbie Williams, but your voice isn't quite like his, so that should be quite fine.

@Dutchbeat , @Vince @Mylene' @LePlongeur @Pleudoniem - Thanks so much for listening! I greatly appreciate it! honestly, it means a lot to read your comments

@Dutchbeat –It’s so nice that you see it that way, thank you so much!!! And thanks for being a long-time supporter of poem-songs!! Yes, I’ve noticed @IronKnee ‘s song! What a coincidence!! He created such a sweet song, I really like it!

@Vince – Thank you so much for your feedback!

@Mylene – Thanks so much! I really love your songs and it’s always great to receive feedback from you I’m happy that you liked the yt video, (I’m still experimenting with finding the right format and trying out different apps to create videos with every new poem-song).

@LePlongeur - I'm really happy that you like my poem-song! Thanks so much for your positive feedback

@Pleudoniem – Thank you for your feedback and thanks for bringing up the connection about chord changes. I completely was not thinking about that song. That’s a very interesting observation; thanks for pointing it out

@Rachel_D Ah well, so many songs have been composed already, that it is nearly impossible to compose anything completely new that won't make you think of anything else you've heard before. Also, no one goes without a context. I think I can live with the adage that everything's been done before, but not as yet by you or me. We're products of what gets to us, musically. Same goes for the memory that @Dutchbeat stirred up with his last song. He did a very nice job, but it reminded me of something else I heard.

Hey Rachel - I think you have something here. I realise you say it is a draft - but when I listened to it I can immediately hear (in my head) the musical arrangement for it and for your voice. There are a lot of hooks in here that could really make it stand out - but I think the key to a song like this is not to overdo it - keep the fragility of the vocal and have the instrumentation sparse - and building - but beautifully complimentary to the voice.

T

I have missed hearing your poem songs @Rachel_D . This is a good one.

I'm quiet, it's so beautiful
 

Thats bautiful @Rachel_D !
I like as it is! 

oh.....an Aura song..........gotta listen!
Lovely tune. You have a sweet voice. Nice lyrics.
Good stuff, Rachel.........
                                                         -T

I like!  This is one of my favorites that Ive heard from you!  The melody is written very well, and despite the vocals being quick and scratch, it doesnt come across that way. 

I look forward to hearing this again afrer you've had the chance to work on it some more

@Rachel_D  Congratulations!!