Believe (First demo, advice needed)

Hi guys i'm after some feedback on this new song that i've finished writing this morning. It's a bit more rock n roll for me than usual. It's a first demo and I wanted to share so I can get some advice as I develop the song, the recording isn't perfect and the vocals are well, very off let's just say. I'm after your thoughts on the song and maybe some help with the melody if at all possible please. Thank you.

Lyrics

Verse 1

Wipe my feet on your dreams
And everywhere you've been
I'm here to let you know
I ain't buying your show

Bridge

Cos i'm on my knees
Lookin like you won't believe

Chorus

Do you believe in me?
Like I believe in you?
Are you keeping on
With everything that feels so wrong
Holding on for far too long

Verse 2

You wipe your feet on my dreams
And everywhere i've been
You're here to let me know
You ain't buying my show

Bridge/Chorus

This is another good one for you.

I think you should extend the bridge with that last guitar chord into a stop. I'm hearing a fast 5 count.....

Cos i'm on my knees
Lookin like you won't believe
1,2,3,4,5..STOP!

Might be cool to try something like that for a nice dynamic change.

Thank you sir, i'm going to try that suggestion out

Hi @realkevm ! I think @Leonard Scaper has a great idea..I can hear what he is suggesting and it would really add kick to the chorus. Also, to add contrast, maybe add or use different chords for the verses so theyre different than the chorus? Or sing in lower notes? Lyric-wise, what is the summary of what you're trying to say? When you have that focus, write your verses around that, using details that support the summary or hook, aka your chorus. Your rythm, energy and guitar sound great. The more you play it the better it'll get. It's a great start!

Cheers Kel, yeah definitely need something to help differentiate the chorus

Hey @realkevm

This has great potential! ... As a suggestion - You can make the verse a bit more interesting by changing the ending notes of the verses and create some more variation and by creating more build-up at the chorus.

I've had a listen and got some ideas for the melody. I did a quick very rough recording with my phone while listening to your track. - see attachment

I hope it helps

Great start!
Keep us updated!
Rachel

Oh wow Rach that's amazing of you, thanks so much for doing this for me!

Hi guys here's a live 1+1 video of the song, please let me know how you think it's progressing

Mate, get yourself some bass and drums on this and you'll be the new Lou Reed.
Mind you, give that guitar a bit of drive and you'll be doing punk.
Which way you gonna go?

Thanks man! I'm really undecided but I think it has to be loud and brash, I don't write many songs like this so might as well go all out.

I'm with @eric craptone .......give that guitar tone a little drive and a touch of distortion and you are going to have found the NEW realkevm!!!

 

Haha cheers boss!

Well I played the song live for the first time yesterday, if you have a moment please let me know how you think things are progressing