• "Beyond Recall" First new song of mine in 2016 ♬
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« Last Edit: January 01, 2016, 20:37:08 by fischermans »
This is my first song for 2016. Just finished and I hope you like.
It's a sad song about a person who lost his memory.

https://soundcloud.com/fischermans100/beyond-recall-010116-1252

Beyond recall

Strophe 1
Time is running away
So many stolen dreams
Shadows on your soul
You can?t get free
You can?t get free
You are captured every day by your fears
Swimming in a see of empty tears
You wonder if the storm in your head
Brings some of your memory?s back
Brings some of your memory?s back

Refrain
Thousand story?s
You have seen
They came from in between
Don?t know if they are true
Don?t know who are you
Thousand rules you followed
There was more you swallowed
Never think back
Never look back
There lasts only emptiness

Strophe 2
You see a lot of different places
Have a look into strangely faces
Find no place to feel at home
You feel every where alone
You feel every where alone
Don?t know what is lost beyond recall
Or what is only hidden behind a wall
Of a blurred reflection
Without satisfaction
Without satisfaction

Refrain
Thousand story?s
You have seen
They came from in between
Don?t know if they are true
Don?t know who are you
Thousand rules you followed
There was more you swallowed
Never think back
Never look back
There lasts only emptiness

? Voice, Words and Music Alexander Fisch aka fischermans ><(((?> ?


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Re: "Beyond Recall" First new song of mine in 2016 ♬
Reply #1 on: January 01, 2016, 16:10:28
Beautiful song, nice guitar and the strings/keys are very nice adornment.
My only complaint is the vocal sound, it sounds sort of "distant" compared to the guitar and also a bit "thin". A little less reverb (unless it's not natural ambience in the recording)  and some eq tweak should do the trick.
And what is it doing far to the side???? The most important thing should be in the centre I think.

Btw, my English is not the best but I think that "Have a look into strangely faces" is not quit right since "strangely" is an adverb and thus should refer to a verb which "faces" are not.
Let man's petty nations tear themselves apart
My land's only borders lie around my heart


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Re: "Beyond Recall" First new song of mine in 2016 ♬
Reply #2 on: January 01, 2016, 16:47:55
ah the new year is only a few hours old, and you have written your first song in 2016....and a very nice one

that low string sound is very nice, and vocal sounds very good to me, but i agree with JB it seems to be a bit far left in the mix

a cool song
me, myself, and Pie


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Re: "Beyond Recall" First new song of mine in 2016 ♬
Reply #3 on: January 01, 2016, 19:59:28
@ Jambrains, thanks for your comment.I'm not sure what you are referring about exactly cause I'm production wise a fool. ;D ;D ;D I tried to readjust everything and hope it is better now. With the english I'm not sure but may be some off the nativ speaking fellows can help. ;)
@ Dutch, thank you my friend.I thought someone has to start. ;D ;D ;D


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Re: "Beyond Recall" First new song of mine in 2016 ♬
Reply #4 on: January 01, 2016, 20:01:27
Wow...that is seriously quick!  :o

Amazing song... :D nothing to add really apart from on a first listen I thought I could detect some musical disagreement between either the guitar and the strings or the strings/keyboard in either ear but on a second closer listen I didn't hear it...! :-\  There are a few very minor English issues, but some are corrected in the vocal but which also has its own discrepancies from the text.  I don't mind going through carefully if you want me to...  :)


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Re: "Beyond Recall" First new song of mine in 2016 ♬
Reply #5 on: January 01, 2016, 21:00:16
Hey Jim, thanks for listening and for your friendly words.I would appreciate if you give the lyrics a proper read to find out all english issues. ;) ;)


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Re: "Beyond Recall" First new song of mine in 2016 ♬
Reply #6 on: January 02, 2016, 10:52:35
« Last Edit: January 02, 2016, 11:09:50 by jim »
Hi there,

I've taken the liberty of re-writing your words rather than going through each change (I've asterisked things which are moot points):

Strophe 1
Time is running away
So many stolen dreams
Shadows on your soul
You can’t get free
You can’t get free
You are captured every day by your fears
Swimming in a sea of empty tears
You wonder if the storm in your head
Brings* some of your memories back
Brings some of your memories back

Refrain
A thousand stories
You have seen
They came from in between
Don’t know if they are true
Don’t know who** are you
A thousand rules you followed
There was more that you swallowed
Never think back
Never look back
There remains*** only emptiness

Strophe 2
You see a lot of different places
Have a look into**** strange faces
Find no place to feel at home
You feel everywhere alone
You feel everywhere alone
Don’t know what is lost beyond recall
Or what is only hidden behind a wall
Of a blurred reflection
Without satisfaction
Without satisfaction

* It's a subtle one, but I think this should really be "Will bring" (sorry to add a syllable), as if it is [present tense] bringing the memories back there's an expectation they will return during the song!

** "who" should probably be "which", unless the story is a person, which is unlikely.  Alternatively, this line is not so related to the previous, but then you'd say "Don't know who you are", which would break the rhyme.  :(

*** "remains" is another syllable again, but is more correct than "lasts" (think it's to do with transitive/intransitive), if it throws things then "stays" is better but not as good as "remains".

**** Looking "into" faces implies greater scrutiny than just looking "at", that might be what you want though, the way it is here makes him seem more weird.

Note the "see" on line 7 of verse one has been replaced by correct homonym "sea" (in case you miss that).

I don't think the extra syllables are a great issue, at a guess, I've not even looked at this from a scansion point of view.

Now on the vocals, you sing "Brings somes of your memories back" on verse one, and "thousand rules you follow" and "swallow" rather than "followed" and "swallowed", otherwise it follows the text I think.

Hopefully I haven't missed anything, hope it helps, more than willing to check again.  :D

P.S. "You feel alone everywhere" is more correct than "You feel everywhere alone", but you're allowed to swap words around a bit, so it's not a big deal.


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Re: "Beyond Recall" First new song of mine in 2016 ♬
Reply #7 on: January 02, 2016, 11:28:44
Happy New Year, Fisch.

Nice start to the year.
I like the distant vocal - it's a stylistic thing for me - gives the vocal a certain detached quality which for me fits the mood of the song.
Not sure if it would work, but what would a bar of silence sound like after you first sing "emptiness"? Maybe then come in with a slightly fuller arrangement for the second verse?

Nice one.

Digger


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Re: "Beyond Recall" First new song of mine in 2016 ♬
Reply #8 on: January 02, 2016, 16:24:30
Hi Alexander, wow you're so fast!
You certainly have your own style (I recognise your songs immediately).
I know you're not into production, but I loved to hear you added piano and strings
to this song. Imo that adds. JB already gave some good feedback on this aspect.
The singing has good dynamics, though it is on the 'safe' side for me. If you would
have screamed 'You feel everywhere alone', for example, that could give
an extra emotional vibe that I'm missing now.
Overall I liked the song, enjoyed the listen. Thanks for sharing!
MM
I'm proud of this track, check it out! https://soundcloud.com/martimedia/dreams


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Re: "Beyond Recall" First new song of mine in 2016 ♬
Reply #9 on: January 02, 2016, 19:15:40
@Jim
Thank you so much man.I have to sort it out and do the changes.
@Digger
Happy New Year Digger and thank you for your words.Means a lot.Will try the bar of silence in the next days.
@Marti
You are right I'm not into production and I only made three takes and a bit adjustment. I always think: That must be enough so far. ;D ;D     With the singing you may right but I have to tell you I like to swim on the save side. ;D ;D Thank you my friend.


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Re: "Beyond Recall" First new song of mine in 2016 ♬
Reply #10 on: January 02, 2016, 21:35:40
No problem, it doesn't take me long to do.  ;)


Re: "Beyond Recall" First new song of mine in 2016 ♬
Reply #11 on: January 03, 2016, 13:24:28
« Last Edit: January 03, 2016, 13:27:33 by crystalsuzy »
WOW! What a great start to the new year Alexander :o Heavy subject, but I think you deliver it well, both lyrically and melodically :)
Just a couple of nit pix ::)

One thing I might try, is holding the word free/back/alone/satisfaction, the 2nd time you sing it...I think it would create a bit of tension, in the vocal delivery
...or maybe just the one before the refrain   :-\
 
Another thing I might try is a BV echo on emptiness :) But who am I...I don't know what I'm dong half the time ::)

"Brings some of your memory?s back"~this line sounds a little awkward :-\ Maybe "Will bring back, some of your memories" might flow better  :-\

But what fantastic song :) :)


Re: "Beyond Recall" First new song of mine in 2016 ♬
Reply #12 on: January 03, 2016, 14:37:53
Fantastic start to the year Alexander with another great song!

I think you've received some great pointers and suggestions from the others kitcheneers... to enhance the song further..

Really enjoyed listening - inspiring us to get our acts together..

Z


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Re: "Beyond Recall" First new song of mine in 2016 ♬
Reply #13 on: January 03, 2016, 21:05:52
Hey,

I really enjoyed the subject of the song you shared....
It sure showes the scary world in wich a person lives who is losing his/her memories.
The only feedback I'd like to give is to turn up the volume of your voice in the song, or perhaps you should sing a bit louder. The piano is in my opinion a bit too loud.
Enough is already said about the grammer in your lyrics, so I won't bother you with that anymore. :-)
Good luck in writing more beautiful songs!


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Re: "Beyond Recall" First new song of mine in 2016 ♬
Reply #14 on: January 03, 2016, 21:22:32
@Suzy
Thank you Suzy  :-* and yes you are right, it's not my best singing performance. :-[ Did only two takes because less time as always. ;D
@Karen
Thank you so much. :-*
@Sonja
Thank you very much Sonja.Great you like my song. ;)



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