• "Broken Teen"
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"Broken Teen"
on: January 25, 2017, 20:50:52

 Here's my latest https://soundcloud.com/dakoda-sada/dakoda-sada-broken-teen
 it's about Interenet Trolls... a little slower that usual 80bpm

 Dakoda Sada - Broken Teen
Lyrics: By Dakoda Sada

When hatred is spread through electronic means
There's no need to engage with broken teens

You can't hurt me if you can't feel me
You can't shoot me if you can't see me
Flip a coin and make a choice
Naysayers have a silent voice

You sit there tryin to set the world on fire
It wont burn, as they all know your a liar
What will you do when they come for you
Explain it was a big mistake
And all your thoughts were fake

You can't hurt me if you can't feel me
You can't shoot me if you can't see me
Flip a coin and make a choice
Naysayers have a silent voice

Anarchist in the shadows
Has an IPaddress just like the rest
Your anonymizer can't save what you've done
You've been chewing on an FBI onion

The burden of your youth
Should be pulled like a bad tooth...
I prefer poisoner to fish chef...


Re: "Broken Teen"
Reply #1 on: January 27, 2017, 18:11:50
@Dakoda

This is well cool, if you don't mind me asking which synthesisers did you use, some real nice overtones to it :)   


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Re: "Broken Teen"
Reply #2 on: January 27, 2017, 18:22:54
@Dakoda

This is well cool, if you don't mind me asking which synthesisers did you use, some real nice overtones to it :)   

Hi Dara
there's a few.
Access Virus TI2
Prophet 6
Kronos2
and Spire and Massive softsynths.

there's some layering going on!

Dakoda Sada.


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Re: "Broken Teen"
Reply #3 on: January 27, 2017, 18:33:54
yes @Dakoda your synth sounds and the music track sounds great  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::
it is a very slow BPM though

lyrics, to be honest, especially the first two lines didn't get me hooked in to the music right away (just to be sure: the lyrics I come up with are the worst)
but at this slow BPM, spreading out these first two lines of the lyrics didn't really work for me
but the: you can hurt me....etc is nice
but why not speed it up just a bit? (just a thought.... and meant as a question)
listening again, I love the music and the mix, but the long stretchiness of the lyrics and singing melody is a bit much...I think??
me, myself, and Pie


Re: "Broken Teen"
Reply #4 on: January 27, 2017, 18:42:32
@Dakoda Prophet 6! Wow that takes me back... was a good machine.  The song has some great sounds and melody lines. I guess you've recorded this now and its up on SC so maybe your not looking for more feedback on the song itself. But I think @Dutchbeat hit the nail on the head with the rhythm of the lyric, especially the first two lines. One other things that really jumped out at me is this line of yours:

"What will you do when they come for you"

If it was me I would repeat this more. In fact, it really would be a strong chorus line. Anyway, just musings. Keep it up man!


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Re: "Broken Teen"
Reply #5 on: January 27, 2017, 18:56:25
lyrics, to be honest, especially the first two lines didn't get me hooked in to the music right away
I could maybe change the final two lines of the song to the first two and then repeat them again at the end.

Quote
why not speed it up just a bit?
I thought I'd try a slow one for a change , most of my stuff is 120 or 124 BPM and starts to sound the same after a while.

Quote
I love the music and the mix, but the long stretchiness of the lyrics and singing melody is a bit much...I think??

yeah, this is a problem for me, I can't really sing and find it very hard to have the vocal dexterity of a real singer.
because I find the stretchiness easier , my style is kind of gravitating this way.
I think the AutoTune is a factor also, I try and give it a while to correct the note , so I don't get too much of that synthetic
sound that you get when you set it to latch on to the note straight away.
but yes , the stretchiness thing is something I need to try and improve , and I'm also poor at getting much vocal variation
which kind of exacerbates the monotonic drone sound.
thanks for the comments.
Dakoda Sada.



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Re: "Broken Teen"
Reply #6 on: January 27, 2017, 19:08:15
@Dakoda Prophet 6! Wow that takes me back... was a good machine.  The song has some great sounds and melody lines. I guess you've recorded this now and its up on SC so maybe your not looking for more feedback on the song itself. But I think @Dutchbeat hit the nail on the head with the rhythm of the lyric, especially the first two lines. One other things that really jumped out at me is this line of yours:

"What will you do when they come for you"

If it was me I would repeat this more. In fact, it really would be a strong chorus line. Anyway, just musings. Keep it up man!

your maybe thinking of the Prophet 5 rather than the 6, the 6 is only a couple of years old.

I have a paid sub to Soundcloud so you get the oppertunity to edit stuff afterwards and re-upload newer versions of the song.
I have made a few tweaks already.
Having said that, I think the current chorus might be  the least weakest bit of the song , as it at least shows a bit of variation.
so I'll probably change the first couple of lines first and see how that goes.
thanks for the comments
much appreciated
Dakoda Sada



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