• "Cry of the Young"
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"Cry of the Young"
on: June 04, 2020, 10:06:41
« Last Edit: June 07, 2020, 02:08:45 by SteveAlton »
VIDEO IS DONE



"Cry of the Young"
(c)1997 Steve Altonian

On a cold hard city night
Thereís kids at play playing with guns & knives
Someones child dies

Battle lines are being drawn
City streets blast out the sound of war
Someone pays the cost

When you look around you can see the cry of the young
Lives are over before they ever get to start
If you listen really hard you hear the cry of the young

Things arenít how they used to be
In a land of locked doors & broken dreams
Someones mother cries

Heading down a one-way road
In search of something that they canít find at home
Someones babyís lost

When you look around you can see the cry of the young
Lives are over before they ever get to start
If you listen really hard you hear the cry of the young


Re: "Cry of the Young"
Reply #1 on: June 04, 2020, 11:41:48
I like the lyric a lot. That's a good hook line.

A couple of considerations. I thought the vocals could use a little more body and dimension in the mix and there are a couple of times where you might be able to do a little better with those long "young" sections.

Also...that guitar that comes in at around 1:04 doesn't sound quite right to me at 1:16.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


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Re: "Cry of the Young"
Reply #2 on: June 06, 2020, 00:39:03
I like the lyric a lot. That's a good hook line.

A couple of considerations. I thought the vocals could use a little more body and dimension in the mix and there are a couple of times where you might be able to do a little better with those long "young" sections.

Also...that guitar that comes in at around 1:04 doesn't sound quite right to me at 1:16.

New mix....Yeah, that guitar had to be fixed...The VOX maybe I was lazy at the end.  It was just a guide & it is pretty much there.  But will look at the end.  I have  atendency to say "good enough" sometimes, when it is NOT  "good enough"


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Re: "Cry of the Young"
Reply #3 on: June 06, 2020, 09:49:38
Time sensitive? @SteveAlton
23 years ago?
It must be my less than 100% knowledge of English, right?
But I'll listen later, with decent head phones. Promise.
Kind regards, Gus


Re: "Cry of the Young"
Reply #4 on: June 08, 2020, 16:46:51
Wow! What a powerful song, video and message! Well done!!


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Re: "Cry of the Young"
Reply #5 on: June 08, 2020, 18:26:37
A really good song and good recording. I like the drum sound.  I might have changed one chord in the second line of the verse.

But in the first chorus where I think a rhyme is called-for, how could you miss this...

"When you look around you can see the cry of the young
Lives are over before they ever get to start
If you listen really hard you hear the cry of the young"

How about this...

"When you look around you  see the cry of the young
where lives are over before they've even begun
Listen really hard -- hear the cry of the young"
I work on Protools, was a pro recording engineer for 10 years in analog. I play compose, perform record and mix everything in my recordings.


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Re: "Cry of the Young"
Reply #6 on: June 10, 2020, 16:11:23


But in the first chorus where I think a rhyme is called-for, how could you miss this...

"When you look around you can see the cry of the young
Lives are over before they ever get to start
If you listen really hard you hear the cry of the young"

How about this...

"When you look around you  see the cry of the young
where lives are over before they've even begun
Listen really hard -- hear the cry of the young"

Thanks for listening...I wrote the song 23 years ago...I guess I left that part out this is a remake of a song written for a Play as the TITLE TRACK originally...Different writer back then..

But, I can't say I really missed anything there...I still to this day would not use 3 straight "ung" or "un" rhymes in a row in a 3 line CHORUS...No contrast lyrically or vocally...

I do appreciate your taking the time to break it down. 


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Re: "Cry of the Young"
Reply #7 on: June 10, 2020, 22:53:11
Certainly your choice.

I just think rhymes flow more naturally.....

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away,

Now it looks as though they're here to stay

I believe in Yesterday


I only recently realized he not only rhymed every line, but he even used the same word twice - no one complained.


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Re: "Cry of the Young"
Reply #8 on: June 11, 2020, 07:42:02
« Last Edit: June 11, 2020, 07:45:08 by SteveAlton »
Certainly your choice.

I just think rhymes flow more naturally.....

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away,

Now it looks as though they're here to stay

I believe in Yesterday


I only recently realized he not only rhymed every line, but he even used the same word twice - no one complained.

This is interesting, you bring up a great point, that I'm sure I would have agreed with you "IF"  I used a VOWEL type ending like "stay" "away" "Yesterday" .   Those will always "sing"... think VOWEL versus CONSENANT is why subconciously I didn't .....

Now, if I didn't have "YOUNG" or "UN" there I probably would have done EXACTLY as you say...It would have demanded it...

I see your point, but the  singing nature of "young"  versus "say" are so different...I can extend yesterday upward vocally...Young goes down...These two words "sing" totally different. 

Great point though...The video is done so ain't gonna be no re-write at this point....But thanks for a really good exercise here in phrasing choices...



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Re: "Cry of the Young"
Reply #9 on: June 20, 2020, 22:10:31
Very powerful message. Great lyrics and emotion in your voice. Well done!



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