• Cured
  • Started by Bill from November Sound
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Cured
on: December 12, 2020, 22:37:21
« Last Edit: December 13, 2020, 21:03:41 by Bill from November Sound »
No production, performance or mixing advice please.  :)

Performed by Melissa - voice, Will - drums, Thomas - guitar and me Bill - keys

There was no programming beats or anything.

Looking for songwriting feedback only. See next section.  :)

Thanks all!  :yes:


-------------------------

Hi everyone,

I was in a bad place when I wrote this .. or when I started writing it I guess.

I have no interest in production or performance advice. Thanks anyway.  ;)

If you notice weaknesses in the songwriting ( ie something that songwriting snob judges would pick up on ) let me know. I'm considering entering it into a contest. Maybe or maybe not .....
If so I'd like to be ready for the inevitable song trashing session.  :D


I know it sounds dated like 2010. Eh ... I love 2010 music. That's when Tommy was my student and he likes it too. My son likes it too.
So whatever I guess.
If you don't know me: my wife sings, my son plays drums, I play keys, that's my former student on guitar .... I'm not firing any of the musicians. Thanks.  ;)

 :shinyteeth:

Cured

Verse:
Bare my soul to the winemaker.
The baker writes my future on a cake.
This whiskey my acquaintance, now passionate love we make.

Pre-Chorus:
Iím as cured as I can ever be.
My heart donít feel. My eyes donít see.
I was sick with you. Now youíre sick of me.
Thatís the way things have to be (but)
Itís okay.

Chorus:
Itís over but itís okay.
Moved on from yesterday.
Itís over but itís okay.
Itís okay.

Verse:
I got more problems from my therapist.
The psychic, she asks for my name.
My family says Iím ďdifferentĒ but I know weíre all the same.

Pre-Chorus:
Iím as cured as I can ever be.
My heart donít feel. My eyes donít see.
I was sick with you. Now youíre sick of me.
Thatís the way things have to be (but)
Itís okay.

Chorus:
Itís over but itís okay.
Moved on from yesterday.
Itís over but itís okay.
Itís okay.

Bridge:
Iím not well
But Iím fine
I can tell
That Iím Ö

as cured as I can ever be.
My heart donít feel. My eyes donít see.
I was sick with you. Now youíre sick of me.
Thatís the way things have to be Ö.

Chorus:
Itís over but itís okay.
Moved on from yesterday.
Itís over but itís okay.
Itís over and Iím cured.






Bill
Songwriter, Keyboards, Arranger, Producer & Engineer for November Sound

November Sound is based on the Mother, Father & Son musical trio of Melissa, Bill & Will. I'm the father so anything I post will have my wife singing and/or my son playing percussion.


Re: Cured
Reply #1 on: December 12, 2020, 23:02:31
I love this style ... 2010 influences, great, they should have to come back, the chorus is great and your wife has sung wonderfully.
I think it's one of the songs that I liked the most @Bill from November Sound

Lyrics? they fit perfectly in the music.

Merry Christmas

Mora
I did not know that to live I had to die so many times
https://vimeo.com/onacarom


  • LePlongeur
  • Executive Chef
  • *
  • In Tartiflette we trust

    • 2196


    • 440
    • January 18, 2021, 19:08:17
    • Greater Amsterdam
  • more
Re: Cured
Reply #2 on: December 13, 2020, 09:40:33
As a rule, I donít label music by the year. Now and then, to give the context of a certain period, I canít avoid that.
Labelling music according to music I like and music I donít like is more to the point I think.
So, this is labelled: music I like. @Bill from November Sound
Kind regards, Gus


Re: Cured
Reply #3 on: December 13, 2020, 18:47:04
@Bill from November Sound  ::dj:: :thumbsup: :praise:

Great song  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::

Congratulations  :pompom: :dance: :pompom:


  • MrBouzouki
  • Global Moderator
  • Sous Chef
  • *
  • *
  • "Let the Creators Create" :-)

    • 1668


    • 573
    • January 18, 2021, 17:49:12
    • Sheffield, UK
    • https://www.facebook.com/Mr.Bouzouki.Music/ https://www.youtube.com/user/MisterBouzouki https://soundcloud.com/mrbouzouki
  • more
Re: Cured
Reply #4 on: December 14, 2020, 18:24:21
This sounds good to me @Bill from November Sound. I'd enter it as it seems a strong song IMHO

 ::OSMAN:: ::OSMAN:: ::OSMAN::
"Love and Life is all about connections"


Re: Cured
Reply #5 on: December 15, 2020, 00:59:34
Hi @Bill from November Sound   when listening to this I tried to keep in mind that it is a song writing contest not a performance show case. I guess you never know what judges are looking for or how much time they give to each song for a listen. I can't really tell what decade ,,,,,, it seems up to date to me, although I must admit modern music culture has left me behind.

Your fortunate to be working with such talented people. I imagine some of the contestants  will have hired demo singers and musicians.  Any way this seems as good a way as any to put yourself out there and I do hope it opens a door for you.

Vince


  • Dutchbeat
  • Administrator
  • Michelin Starred Chef
  • *
  • *
  • If you can stand the Beat, get into the Kitchen!

    • 9675


    • 1470
    • Today at 17:37:48
  • more
Re: Cured
Reply #6 on: December 16, 2020, 16:50:42
it is a very strong song @Bill from November Sound , sounds like a very well crafted hit song  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

interesting how this song covers the entire spectrum from a sadness, a bittersweetness  all the way to a uplifting-ness that is awesome

i like that..."its over, but its okay" feeling of the music that is specifically mentioned , great musicians making a top song  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:





me, myself, and Pie


Re: Cured
Reply #7 on: December 17, 2020, 01:23:39
It's over but it's not ok!
I have to listen again and again........
Wonderful song, wonderful sung and wonderful drum
Love it
 ::heart:: ::heart:: ::heart::

:goatie:
Merry Christmas


Re: Cured
Reply #8 on: December 17, 2020, 20:02:19
The only lyrical glitch that stood out to me (so could also stick out to a judge) is this lyric:

My heart donít feel.

That's the only place in the song where Melissa uses a colloquialization like that so it stuck out to me. I know it's probably too late to re-track that line but it would work nicely as:

My heart
won't feel

Great song...sounds fantastic.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason