Curse the Sunrise

Hi everyone,  It's been a while since I've posted a tune here..   It's a 1+1 for now and I'm still tweaking the lyric, so any suggestions or insights are appreciated there.  We'll see if I ever get around to arranging it up, but ideas there are also welcome..

https://soundcloud.com/m57/curse-the-sunrise


They were blinded by the sunrise
Temptation found his skin and recklessly it bit him
She felt alive when he held her hand
And counted all the words
and moments forbidden

Those morning rays were warm
But the heat guaranteed a storm
It followed them back home each day
And more and more things just got in the way

The more that they pretended
The more they couldn’t keep their mounting lies well-defended
Still they did their best each day
To hide the secrets they shared
And keep that world suspended

Until the darkening clouds
Sown with seeds of guilt and doubt
Rained down on them a truth
They couldn’t bring themselves to say out loud

It didn’t matter how they justified
As far as they could see there were nothing but cloudy skies

Both of them knew it couldn’t be
And so they vowed under lock and key
to break up     ..surreptitiously

No longer blinded by the sun
And with all the things that bound them finally undone
They cut the last of ties
And said their last goodbyes
They went their separate ways
Now they count the days and curse the sunrise
every day they curse the sunrise
With feet of clay they curse the sunrise
Hope for a better day but curse the sunrise

 
Copyright 2021 by Mark Rabuck (All Rights Reserved)

You are most certainly a musical theorist.  Very progressive.  Wonderful production too.  I know that you don't really like to do choruses, but such a nice melody needs a refrain of some kind.  Even if it is just a short phrase to bring the listener back to home base, in my opinion, it needs something like that to tie it all together.  You certainly know your way around the harmonic realm though 

What a way to start a year!
70’s listening stuff!
Don’t know if that was intended, but for me it has this feel about it.
Nice!
Kind regards, Gus

What a way to start a year!
70’s listening stuff!
Don’t know if that was intended, but for me it has this feel about it.
Nice!
Kind regards, Gus

Yeah, it's definitely somewhat of a period piece.  I was going for a gospel vibe, which goes a long way toward "classification," but also trying to channel the Eagles singer/songwriter thing.  For some reason, 'New Kid in Town' was in my brain.  I'm not sure where that jazzamafied bridge fits in to the scheme of things.  The changes at the very end sound more contemporary to me.  I don't think you would have heard them in the 70's.  Thanks, Gus

Very beautiful song @M57 . The whole works, just excellent.

On an aside, I am currently recording an album of sun songs, so it was cool to come in the the kitchen and see this on top of the list. Thanks!!

This sound SO good @M57 ! I'm actually hearing a Paul Simon cadence to the writing and the delivery.

Considering @Knate 's comment about needing a refrain......I think you have one already and you might consider bringing it back in at the end to tie the song together structurally a bit more:

Until the darkening clouds
Sown with seeds of guilt and doubt
Rained down on them a truth
They couldn’t bring themselves to say out loud

It's really good to hear you again.

A nice piece of storytelling shouldn't necessarily be shoe-horned into the typical format. We often tend to get caught up in the verse chorus verse vibe and often we don't need too.

The question really is why isn't this already a perfectly good song that can just be set free ?  Piano and voice and a story isn't that enough ?

I like it just the way it is right now :-)

The hardest thing for a songwriter to do is just let go :-)