• Dear Future Lover
  • Started by O.F. Hanson
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  • O.F. Hanson
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Dear Future Lover
on: April 13, 2021, 17:49:40
This is my first post and this is my third song ever. All criticism and critique is welcome and well needed. Iíve only been writing songs for about two weeks and all suggestions, tips, feedback, etc. from anyone more experienced than I would be appreciated with best regards. Furthermore, the message Iím trying to deliver with this piece is: ďI may not know you now, but I canít wait to meet you Ďfuture loveí Ē. Do the lyrics effectively portray this? Also should it be a Ďpiano balladí type song? Thank-you all!! <3 (itís 371 words btw)

Dear Future Lover
(Original)

[Hook]
I have cherished a dream
A dream that someday youíd be mine.
If loveís what it seems
Then I hope to capture it in time.

Somewhere out there
Is the perfect one
And to show that I care
I wrote you this song.

(Mm-mm, mm-mm)

[Body Verses 1]
Under a blanket of stars
I pray for your heart
Wanting to be where you are
Hoping youíre not too far

Itís not easy living curiously
Wishing it can be reality
Iíve been looking for love,
Something thatís meant to be
Wanting your hugs,
A ďHeavenĒ I wish to see
Imagining us,
True love is all I need
So if youíre out there
Baby listen to me

[Chorus]
Where ever you are
I hope to earn your heart
ĎCause Iím only just another
Looking for a Future Lover
And thatís all Iíll ever need
Baby then Iíd be complete
With somebody to love me
(Oh-h oh-h)

[Body Verses 2]
Under the brightest of skies
I think with my eyes
Picturing both you and I
Beneath the stars of the night

Itís not easy being all alone
Wanting someoneís love to call my own
Iíd run into your arms
Like itís all Iíve ever known
Protect you from harm
And make my love your home
ĎCause true love is all I need
So if your out there
Baby listen to me

[Chorus]
Where ever you are
I hope to earn your heart
ĎCause Iím only just another
Looking for a Future Lover
And thatís all Iíll ever need
Baby then Iíd be complete
With somebody to love me
(Oh-h oh-h)

[Hook/bridge]
I have cherished a dream
A dream that someday youíd be mine.
If loveís what it seems
Then I hope to capture it in time.

Somewhere out there
Is the perfect one
And to show that I care
I wrote you this song.

[Chorus]
Where ever you are
I hope to earn your heart
ĎCause Iím only just another
Looking for a Future Lover
And thatís all Iíll ever need
Baby then Iíd be complete
With somebody to love me

[end lines - emphasis]
(Baby Iím the other
But for now weíre future lovers
And I hope we find each other)
ĎCause youíd be all Iíll ever need
Then Iím complete
ďWherever the Art of Medicine is loved, there is also a love of Humanity.Ē - Hippocrates
ďThe difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.Ē - Mark Twain


Re: Dear Future Lover
Reply #1 on: April 13, 2021, 22:25:05
Hello @O.F. Hanson
Welcome to the Kitchen!
Bill
Songwriter, Keyboards, Arranger, Producer & Engineer for November Sound

Not currently posting music here but we're easy to find if you care to listen. November Sound will happily listen, follow, like, subscribe and repost for people who do the same. We get a lot of spam so let us know you're from the kitchen!


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Re: Dear Future Lover
Reply #2 on: April 14, 2021, 09:39:18
Hello there @O.F. Hanson
Hope this finds you well!

Iíve been looking at your post before.
And one simple question from you, gives me half a dozen questions in return.

Do you intend to keep it this way, as a poem so to speak?
Do you want advice or help writing the backing?
Looking for a collaboration?
Want somebody to sing it or do you want do do that yourself?
Are you looking for stories about how we got into gear?
Are you going to record it for yourself or do you want fame, fortune, dope and lots of people in the sack?

And, really, this is just the first half dozen of them.

I think youíll find the kitcheners friendly and helpful. But is it up to us to dream up the kind of help you want?
We can help you help yourself.
Thatís true.
Or you could help us to help you.

Whatever the outcome, welcome. Hey that could be the start of your next!
Kind regards, Gus


Re: Dear Future Lover
Reply #3 on: April 14, 2021, 14:46:24
Hello and welcome btw @O.F. Hanson   It seems a bit long to me, but that's probably me and my short attention span. I think it's good that you put the hook out first. I was reading something about how people listen to music differently now thanks to streaming and you really have only a few seconds to draw someone in or they move on.

As you set your words to music I'm sure you'll be revising some of the lyric, but at this stage, just see where it goes.

I'm always curious as to why people start writing songs. I'm sure it's just a by-product of learning to play an instrument for some people. Me I couldn't play popular songs correctly when I was learning so.... Also, I thought it would be cool to wright a hit, ride in limos and date super models. In reality I'm surprised if anyone listens to anything I've done but me.

So anyway back to the review, I don't read anything bad in the words, as you set it to music, play and record it you can revise it, don't give the listener too much info, let them imagine

I hope you get a few more reviews.

Vince
 
Vince


  • O.F. Hanson
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Re: Dear Future Lover
Reply #4 on: April 14, 2021, 15:50:28
Hello @O.F. Hanson
Welcome to the Kitchen!
Hello! Iím glad to be here! Thank you for the warm welcoming introduction!!
Hello there @O.F. Hanson
Hope this finds you well!

Iíve been looking at your post before.
And one simple question from you, gives me half a dozen questions in return.

Do you intend to keep it this way, as a poem so to speak?
Do you want advice or help writing the backing?
Looking for a collaboration?
Want somebody to sing it or do you want do do that yourself?
Are you looking for stories about how we got into gear?
Are you going to record it for yourself or do you want fame, fortune, dope and lots of people in the sack?

And, really, this is just the first half dozen of them.

***
Whatever the outcome, welcome. Hey that could be the start of your next!
Kind regards, Gus
Thank-you for the response and welcoming introduction!! To introduce myself to the site moreover, I am essentially the definition of a ďbeginnerĒ in the musical/performing arts. I have, I suppose, two weeks of thoughtful, diligent songwriting experience as I sort of just picked up a pen by inspiration and wrote three songs (this being my third ever). In spite of early experience, I honestly hope to put in greats amounts of efforts into the musical arts by practicing and learning.

Currently, my status: a two-week experienced songwriter, no instrumental talents (yet), no vocal talents (that I know of), and no talents in the performing arts.

Hence, perhaps my most important question: Should I continue (or better, start) to pursue this path?? I honestly believe Iím passionate about it and I am willing to put in work towards my best potentials in this art.

My answers to your half dozen questions:
(1) In what way do you mean exactly? I honestly just converted a thought into lyrics over the span a few days, and pieced together this. Essentially itís a draft, but I do want to elevate it beyond ďpoetryĒ if thatís how itís perceived.
(2) Since Iím a newcomer with very little knowledge, any advice, feedback, or suggestions for the lyrics would be tremendously helpful!! But Iíd also like to know the thought-processing of the helper (ďwhy this change?Ē) so that I can think about songwriting in the same way or in the same experienced manner so as to improve my own take on creating song lyrics.
(3) A collaboration? With me at the moment, that would be more like ďa mentor and the mentoredĒ because I would be doing more learning rather than composing. But someday, a collaboration would be excellent!!
(4) Somebody to sing it for me would suffice. Iíd honestly like to sing it, but again, I have no vocal experience. Iíve recorded myself a few times not too long ago and a truly honest rating would be mediocreóbut I suppose thatís just the bottom. If singing is never in the package for me, then Iíd love to write for a vocalist, especially a professional-elite singer someday if I couldóbut I know that requires tons of time an effort (that Iím willing to give).
(5) Stories would be truly insightful on the growth and experience I should suspect! Iíd love any pieces of advice from a story (of their own or anotherís) as it can be a source of guidance.
(6) I would honestly love to record it myself, either as a piece to keep to myself or for ďhopefulĒ release. Though, fame would be great tooóand not for the purpose of vainly elevating my identityóbut for the purpose of sending my message to the world.

Thank-you!!
Oscar F. Hanson


  • O.F. Hanson
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Re: Dear Future Lover
Reply #5 on: April 14, 2021, 16:16:30
Hello and welcome btw @O.F. Hanson   It seems a bit long to me, but that's probably me and my short attention span. I think it's good that you put the hook out first. I was reading something about how people listen to music differently now thanks to streaming and you really have only a few seconds to draw someone in or they move on.

As you set your words to music I'm sure you'll be revising some of the lyric, but at this stage, just see where it goes.

I'm always curious as to why people start writing songs. I'm sure it's just a by-product of learning to play an instrument for some people. Me I couldn't play popular songs correctly when I was learning so.... Also, I thought it would be cool to wright a hit, ride in limos and date super models. In reality I'm surprised if anyone listens to anything I've done but me.

So anyway back to the review, I don't read anything bad in the words, as you set it to music, play and record it you can revise it, don't give the listener too much info, let them imagine

I hope you get a few more reviews.

Vince
 
Thank-you!! This was helpful! I thought the hook/bridge as a separate piece of lyric and instrumentation would be great for the song, and as I believe it fits in pretty well. The song may be long at 371 words, but my average for three songs is about ~350, and the longevity of it may simply be because it has so many verse splits (whether thatís a good or bad thing, Iím not too entirely sure). The pattern of different melodies has five in total and goes something like this: 1+2+3+4+5  +3+4+5  +1+2+5. Where ď5Ē is the chorus, ď1+2Ē is the hook/bridge, and ď3+4Ē are the verses. In more simpler  terms, itís a ďhook+verse+chorus+verse+chorus+bridge+chorusĒ pattern but with hook/bridge and verse having a double melody where thereís a paragraph split (I hope that made sense lol).

Furthermore, about fame, that seems like a high peak I may never reach but it would amazing to reach that someday!! Though, I must say, I do have another aspiration besides music and thatís medicine! As a current high school senior (c/o 2021), Iíve been fascinated with ďgenetic therapeutics for cancerĒ and if I were to ever win the nationís/worldís fame, Iíd want it to be for that than anything else. But I guess Iím to young to decide anything definite at the moment so Iíll see where life takes me!

This leads me to another large general question: As an upcoming first year undergraduate, should I think about double majoring in pre-medicine (biochemistry) and music theory??? Or a minor at least for music theory?? How helpful would this be?

Anyways, thank-you for the response, and I wish you well on your journey too! Iím sure youíre more than you give yourself credit for!

ďYouíre your own worst criticĒ - said a unknown successful person.


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Re: Dear Future Lover
Reply #6 on: April 14, 2021, 16:43:41
Great that you like it @O.F. Hanson
If I want to let you know that I made a reply or remark regarding your thread, I mention your @O.F. Hanson thingy. Youíll get a mail to notify you and you have a chance to watch what Iíve been writing.

Most people I consider friends, are people Ďdoingí something with art.
If my photographer friends donít climb their bikes, they wonít make a photo.
If my ceramic friends donít start beating some clay around.....
If my sculpture friends donít start hacking away.....

In short, it always struck me as a bit lack of balls-like that musicians wait for inspiration.

You know that your brain is a chemical driven thing.
When youíre in love, your glands make hormones. And you will feel happy.
And when you write lyrics, music, the same glands are involved.
You pick out a certain period of the day, and you promis yourself that you do something for your music.
For me itís 6PM. And by then Iíve been fed, brushed my teeth. I count to four and start hacking away at the guitar of the day. And my brain knows that all it has to do is to open the gate to welcome the happy hormones.
Just record it. Donít judge right then. Do a series of ten, and on the eleventh day listen back. You donít have recording gear? You do have a telephone? Nuff said.

Try it. There are worse things to get addicted to.
Believe me, waiting for inspiration is for pussies. You gotta hunt it down and grab it by the throat.
To be continued.

O yes, I agree with @Vince that itís a bit long. So youíll get a six minute song. Hey, welcome with the club of 6minutes!!!
Kind regards, Gus



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