• Enjoy The View
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Enjoy The View
on: November 12, 2018, 02:44:11
« Last Edit: November 26, 2018, 01:46:23 by M57 »
It's been a while since I've been able to get any of my ideas down in the studio. At least I got a start on this one today. Lyrics are getting into shape - still room for tweaks

https://soundcloud.com/m57/enjoy_the_view

Bright red adirondack
And a softly setting sun
A sea of green laying in between
And nothinís getting done
Caught up in confusion
And distracted by the threat of the rain
Guess I'll stick around few more hours
And let the weather change

Because sometimes the questions sound more and more like a riddle
And maybe the answers lie somewhere in the middle
You gotta find your happy dance and let it settle in the groove
Everybody's got their favorite moves
The smallest of dams can decide which way a river runs
And young dreams can grow up and turn into different ones
Well you can change your mind but you'll never find the road that's meant for you
Not if you can't enjoy the view

Today I watched the sunrise
To search for something new
And as It fought to melt the fog away
And I strained to see things through
After rising 'bout an hour
It just plain stopped to move
But that moment gave me just enough time to recognize my cue


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Re: Sometimes
Reply #1 on: November 12, 2018, 12:24:45
Hi @M57 ,

Love the music.

I'm playing with some lyric ideas.

My first thought is to suggest that the last line of the 1st verse could be "see if the weather'll change".

Later,
Stan
I'm a lyricist seeking music writers to work with.


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Re: Sometimes
Reply #2 on: November 12, 2018, 13:05:54
Really good start ...I love the sound of that guitar in this demo and the way the whole song moves is really good. That recurring guitar motif is a great instrumental hook.

For me these lyrics lack a real focal point. You are tossing out a lot of well used images but I feel as though they need to be tied together somehow . What is the real problem? What is the real distraction? Why the red eyes and why do the clothes need to be burned? I think that missing underlying connection is the linchpin here........find it and the rest of the lyrics will come along with it.


"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


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Re: Sometimes
Reply #3 on: November 12, 2018, 13:15:03
« Last Edit: November 12, 2018, 13:55:14 by M57 »
Thanks @Leonard Scaper and @smajor

I'm definitely going to make a number of lyrical changes and will certainly look forward to hearing your ideas.  The one thing that I think is reasonably strong are the lyrics in the chorus. It will need a tweak or two, but I'm pleased with the bones of it.  The verses are another story.

The burning clothes is a reference to coming home late from a gig with clothes that smelled like an ashtray - back in the day when everyone smoked and you couldn't see from one end of the bar to the other.  My wife use to say, "Burn your clothes and delouse before you get anywhere near the bed."


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Re: Sometimes
Reply #4 on: November 12, 2018, 13:41:39
My wife use to say, "Burn your clothes and delouse before you get anywhere near the bed."

Yeah....I remember hearing those words as well.

So......can you tie that in with some of the other lyrics? A late night....coming home from a gig.....sometimes those drives in the night after performing can bring on interesting introspections....questions that sound more like riddles.

You bring in another person at one point.....someone who you believe in. Who is that and how do they fit in?


Re: Sometimes
Reply #5 on: November 12, 2018, 14:23:42
very nice start, I like the melody in the chorus, and how the song moves forward. On the other hand, the lyrics are a little bit diffuse, but maybe it's the point?
Take care but don't forget to have fun.


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Re: Sometimes
Reply #6 on: November 12, 2018, 17:05:11
very nice start, I like the melody in the chorus, and how the song moves forward. On the other hand, the lyrics are a little bit diffuse, but maybe it's the point?
Nah, I agree.  The verses need some serious work.  I just nixed the entire second verse after making a few mods to the chorus.  I think the 1st verse makes a little more sense now that the last line of the chorus is "..Not if you can't enjoy the view"


Re: Enjoy The View
Reply #7 on: November 12, 2018, 20:55:05
That guitar sounds sweet, man,  and you sing like one of those Eagle blokes, so that's a propitious start.
I liked the verse, but felt the chorus went a bit astray. Don't know whether it was too many words or too many notes, to tell the truth.
 It's still a fair old tune though.
Didn't really connect with the lyrics,  particularly the chorus , but maybe you have to live in that part of the world to feel it.
But y'know printing a lyric exposes it to a lot of examination it's never going to get from a listener, so why worry.


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Re: Enjoy The View
Reply #8 on: November 13, 2018, 15:04:56
That guitar sounds sweet, man,  and you sing like one of those Eagle blokes, so that's a propitious start.
I liked the verse, but felt the chorus went a bit astray. Don't know whether it was too many words or too many notes, to tell the truth.
 It's still a fair old tune though.
Didn't really connect with the lyrics,  particularly the chorus , but maybe you have to live in that part of the world to feel it.
But y'know printing a lyric exposes it to a lot of examination it's never going to get from a listener, so why worry.

Thanks eric,  Yeah, I must confess that I like wordy phrases and weaving words rhythmically. If I was younger, I'd probably be a rapper. Unfortunately, I'm much too old school and actually prefer melodic content with those rhythms.

Anyway,I feel like the chorus is probably the most grounded part of the song lyric-wise, where the little things make a big difference, and that we should live life in the moment and can't worry too much about the things we have no control over.  What I'm having problems with is giving harder personal examples of it in the verses.

Right now, I'm leaving up the second verse, but for the most part - it's not cutting it.  It's too much of a restatement of the chorus.


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Re: Enjoy The View
Reply #9 on: November 13, 2018, 21:28:03
Hi @M57 ,
Idea for 1st four lines of the second verse...

There is worth in looking deeper...
beyond the turmoil and the strife...
the measure of your gaze
is the measure of your life.

I'm happiest with the last two lines. "Worth" doesn't really work but it's the idea I want. "Turmoil and the strife" is cliche, but, again, it's the idea.

Am I on the right track?

I'm still working on this.

Later,
Stan


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Re: Enjoy The View
Reply #10 on: November 14, 2018, 12:51:53
« Last Edit: November 15, 2018, 01:24:54 by M57 »
Hi @M57 ,
Idea for 1st four lines of the second verse...

There is worth in looking deeper...
beyond the turmoil and the strife...
the measure of your gaze
is the measure of your life.

I'm happiest with the last two lines. "Worth" doesn't really work but it's the idea I want. "Turmoil and the strife" is cliche, but, again, it's the idea.

Am I on the right track?

I'm still working on this.

Later,y
Stan

Hey Stan - Thanks for putting so much thought and energy into this.. Regarding your suggestion, what I'm trying to avoid is more preachy  two-liners because the chorus is full of them.  What I'm really striving for in the verses is a story that anecdotally supports the chorus.
The problem is, I only have two verses to do it in (the song is 5 minutes long as it is) AND the lines in those verses are shortish.

So last night I gave another stab at it and though I'm not thrilled with it - I think it has its moments and maybe could be hammered into shape.  For one, it doesn't sing as easily as I'd prefer.

Today I watched the sunrise
As I searched for something new
It fought to melt the fog away
And I strained to see things through
After rising 'bout an hour
It just plain stopped to move
But that somehow gave me just enough time to realize what I should do


I updated the recording with the above..


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Re: Enjoy The View
Reply #11 on: November 14, 2018, 14:07:14
That verse is definitely bringing things into focus for me.........link is not working at the moment, though.


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Re: Enjoy The View
Reply #12 on: November 14, 2018, 15:20:43
That verse is definitely bringing things into focus for me.........link is not working at the moment, though.

Thanks @Leonard Scaper .. With any luck I'll be re-recording it tonight and making a few tweaks.

Link should be fixed.  Please let me know.


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Re: Enjoy The View
Reply #13 on: November 14, 2018, 16:41:26
Link is good now. Here a re a few thoughts on this listen:

I think you could cut back on the intro......start things off at the 0:25 mark.

I stumbled over this line when I first listened and again now...And distracted by the threat of the rain....that disjointed delivery...

I really like how that new verse works...except for.....But that somehow gave me just enough time to realize what I should do. I know that "somehow" and "just enough" are important to the message but I can't see how you're going to make all that fit.

How about....

That somehow gave me time enough to know what I should do





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Re: Enjoy The View
Reply #14 on: November 14, 2018, 17:16:28

That somehow gave me time enough to know what I should do

Thanks! I like.. Compare and contrast with this suggestion..

And then I realized it was giving me time to recognize my cue


Hopefully I'll have time this evening to play with them.



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