• Every Path
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Every Path
on: December 16, 2018, 21:09:04
« Last Edit: December 16, 2018, 22:49:37 by Zedd »

Hi All!


It's taken me an age to get this one sharable... it shouldn't have - it's just a 1+1... but there you go.. As is often the way, the subject matter is heavy..


All feedback welcome.. pick it apart please. I'm happy to do retakes of both parts cos I do want to be happy with this one as it kinda means a lot to me.. I'm publishing now as I know I'll go around in circles until I have a version live. I thank you in advance :)


Karen

https://soundcloud.com/monnodb/every-path-1


Not fair, I shout inside my head
As I hear your news and sense your dread
The harder you try to fake the ease
With which you throw your words at me
The stronger my muscles tighten

The battle ground was laid before
You took your stance with ever more
Than the dignity that I can find
I'm mute of words, blank of mind
Cos I am really frightened

We are here, we are here,
We are everywhere you want us
Anytime you need, we'll take your lead
We are here, we are here,
We are everywhere you want us,
Anytime you need, we'll take your lead
Cos we are here

Every path will be paved
With all our love which we will save
For every encounter, every day
We get to hold your hand and say
We'll walk this road beside you

But that's no use to ease the pain
That grows in force as it turns again
To ravage you, and all you've built
While those who thrive are wracked with guilt
Cos only luck divides us


We are here, we are here,
We are everywhere you want us
Anytime you need, we'll take your lead
We are here, we are here,
We are everywhere you want us,
Anytime you need, we'll take your lead
Cos we are here




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Re: Every Path
Reply #1 on: December 16, 2018, 22:05:58
Quote
pick it apart please
OK ... Zedd here goes...

The first verse is very good  in terms of a delicate intro. However, as our choir MD says, if you are singing quiet, you still need tot sing to the back of the room and stress those consonants.  I reckon because it's so delicate and followed by a much stronger second verse, you really need to work hard to make it VERY clear what you are singing. This first verse sets up the whole story and without changing it's vulnerability you need to leave the listener in no doubt of the words and hook them in this first verse.

In the second verse you are singing "' 'cos I am really frightened" but you don't sound it.  I wonder if you could have more  'fear' or 'vulnerability' injected into the word 'frightened' so the lyric has more connection in that way. Again it doesn't have to be over the top, but enough to make the listener think .... 'ohhhh she is'.

I wonder about the metre of "mute of words. blank of mind" perhaps just a slightly longer pause after mute of words, (like you actually are) then blank of mind almost tumbles out of you.

That last chord at the end of the instrumental section after the first "we are here... section" sounds too positive. as you are going back into a minor section again. Perhaps a minor chord or more ambiguous chord might work better ?

The following silence seems a tad too long, there is time enough for the listener to disengage from the song and you don't want them to do that.

Everything else sits right to me, with good harmonies and it sounds in good shape.

A  'cos we are here perhaps as the last line of the song ... might sound good.

As the football pundits say "It was a game of two halves" from my perspective.

I hope some of this reflection is some use Karen, I hope I haven't gone overboard but I don't think I've been too critical of what is shaping up to be another cracker of a song.

 ::OSMAN:: ::OSMAN:: ::OSMAN:: 
"Love and Life is all about connections"


Re: Every Path
Reply #2 on: December 17, 2018, 01:59:53
@Zedd  I very much enjoyed the introduction to your music. ::heart::
 The lyrical change from tension  in the verses to the open almost joyful chorus sent me back to listen again. As did that pause... its length and the very soft vocals on the first verse do perhaps need a rethink, though on second time through I was ready for the quiet opening and didn`t notice it as much.
Lovely harmonies.
The lyrics are deeply felt and well crafted- personal but with room for the listener`s interpretation.

Robert



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Re: Every Path
Reply #3 on: December 17, 2018, 12:13:08
What a moving song this is Karen. I was OK with the delicate vocals in the first verse myself as I thought they contrasted with the pithier delivery style later on and showed some raw human fragility. But as I have seen with my own songs, many people seem to have equally valid although different views on aspects of our presentation.


The subject material is difficult to approach, but I thought you pulled it off brilliantly. I must try and learn this thing called subtlety myself!  ;)


The poignancy of it leads you to wish for more as it all ends well short of three mins. But you are back with a vengeance with this one, a dramatic and emotionally deep song for us all to treasure!  ::thumb::
If you like novels with a musical theme, why not try 'Sixth Beatle - When Music Changed The World', easily found on Amazon and Google. It is amazing, although as the author I may be biased!


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Re: Every Path
Reply #4 on: December 17, 2018, 19:32:05
oh boy, this is smashing!!!! what a great song, and what superb vocal performance, WOW. A confusing song also to me...in a good way

the song and the lyrics went all over for me, from sad to hopefull, from desparation  to strength and love, really a mix of emotions (in my Dutch-english interpretation of the lyrics)

i mean someone who always takes the lead.. can both be a blessing... and a curse.. ::) ::)

and...like this line: "Cos only luck divides us"....

a mix of emotions cleverly crafted into a...
SUPER SONG  ::headphone:: ::headphone:: ::headphone:: ::headphone:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::

me, myself, and Pie


Re: Every Path
Reply #5 on: December 17, 2018, 21:21:16
I am generally more of an instrumentalist so I don't feel entirely qualified to comment on the lyric structure, though I liked the way you delivered it.

I felt the heaviness here in the lyric...a sickness perhaps? Terminal?  It is difficult to be supportive during these times and we often feel inadequate. A very good outlet for a song might I add.

The  song has so many places to add to it or simply take as a 1+1. Either way, I think it's good. I heard the words clearly. I'm  not a very good verbal listener, so I needed a few listens to get the ideas ingrained. The hesitations, rests between verses is something I needed to adjust to. I believe you have solid core here musically either as it is or expanded musically. Thanks for sharing here. Good to hear your music!


Re: Every Path
Reply #6 on: December 18, 2018, 01:48:07
Hi Zell!
It is a wonderful song and you have the wonderful opportunity of making it better. I think that the strong parts sound too strong and the soft ones too soft.
The piano could have more presence, perhaps, to reach an interesting mix.
Excuse me for telling you these things but I think it is good for your song because your song is very beautiful.
I did not know that to live I had to die so many times
My Youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAaK7mFK7fUpf1E99I1Qtow
My Vimeo Songs of Thought channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moraamarolaloba
My Vimeo Downtempo channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moramarolalobadowntempo


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Re: Every Path
Reply #7 on: December 18, 2018, 13:00:50
Your delivery of that first verse drew me in so close....I could already feel some sort of powerful emotion that you were trying to hold in. Then you let it out in the second verse. I think that vocal dynamic was SO strong. Then that pause after the second verse.....again, very strong. Both pauses were perfectly placed and powerfully executed.

The first chorus took me to another kind of place.....positive and hopeful with beautiful delicate harmonies. Then in the third and fourth verses you combine that softness with a building and soaring determination that is at once exhilarating and infectious.

Finally, in the last chorus you combine all of the emotions that you have shown in the song into what begins as a clarion call to humanity to support all in need and ends as a whispered intimate promise.

All of this in 2:42. Masterfully done!
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

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Re: Every Path
Reply #8 on: December 18, 2018, 19:06:13
Shall we do a: what sentence touches you the most?
OK, I'll begin:
I'm mute of words, blank of mind
Sheer beauty or what???

I write 200+ songs per year, but (apart from all the fun) trade those gladly for twenty like this one.
I take one hat off, since I only have one.
Kind regards, Gus


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Re: Every Path
Reply #9 on: December 19, 2018, 23:59:52
Thanks all for listening and for your feedback... it is, as always, much appreciated!


@LePlongeur thanks so much, sir, for your lovely comments. You are too kind! And I appreciate it..


@Leonard Scaper - wow that's a lovely walk-through the song - I think you kindly!


@Mora Amaro La Loba - thanks - yes I hear you.. I think I'll alter the levels of parts of it based on yours and @MrBouzouki 's comments .. thank you..


@Timothy Smith - thanks.. yes it is heavy indeed.. terminal? I hope not.. I appreciate your ear and your comments!


@Dutchbeat - thank you yes the lyrics do wander a bit and the melody with it.. Thanks so much for your lovely words..


@MichaelA - thanks so much.. Yes it is short, but this one wouldn't work for me with a M8 and really I'd said all I wanted to say so short it will stay.. thanks for your lovely comments


@robertkc - thanks so much.. Yes those pauses are kinda in your face.. I've had time for them to grow on me and I have the advantage of knowing when they'll end  ;D ;D


@MrBouzouki thank you so much for that detailed critique - it is very much appreciate.. I'm chewing over it all and will try to apply what I think will work. Thank you again..


I appreciate every listen and every comment so thank you again, all..


Karen.


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Re: Every Path
Reply #10 on: December 20, 2018, 00:12:25
« Last Edit: December 20, 2018, 00:13:59 by Mar T. »
Hey @Zedd Karen,

Yes! A new solo-song! Respect for doing this the 1+1 way.. I always love the pure (raw) way you perform.
Imo that's your unique strength.. This track shows that again!
This is performed, recorded and produced beautifully imo..

TOP:
-Looove how you play with 'silence' (rest). That's such a strong and clever way to create more contrast.
-The minor sounding verses vs the happy sounding verse, again, that creates a clever contrast.
-The lyrics! In the chorus (to me) you express that the subject is mocking to be happy just because the other
 wants you to. And because you added that contrast in the music, it makes so much sense (to me).
-Love your piano work and singing, you have such a recognizable and expressive voice!
-Mix/Prod.. did you do this yourself? You are getting better and better!

TIP:
-Chorus: The plain major chord behind the word 'lead' in the 1st 'Anytime you need we'll take your lead',
 I'd add a 7th note there (imagined it, didn't try it, no piano at my side atm haha).
-The 2nd voice behind 'To ravage you and all you've built ' at 'ravage', I'd try to alter that 2nd voice note
 to be 1 semitone higher in pitch, so it fits the chord better (in 'theory').

I hope that helps dear Karen, loved to listen to this performance, it's been a while!!
Cheers!!
Mar T
:mart:


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Re: Every Path
Reply #11 on: December 20, 2018, 00:28:07
'-The lyrics! In the chorus (to me) you express that the subject is mocking to be happy just because the other
 wants you to. And because you added that contrast in the music, it makes so much sense (to me).'

Mmm, btw.. that was my interpretation after listening once.. (I'm bad at istening to lyrics when hearing beautiful performances).
In this case you obviously express you (the main character in the 'story') are there for the other don't you?


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Re: Every Path
Reply #12 on: December 20, 2018, 01:06:55
'-The lyrics! In the chorus (to me) you express that the subject is mocking to be happy just because the other
 wants you to. And because you added that contrast in the music, it makes so much sense (to me).'

Mmm, btw.. that was my interpretation after listening once.. (I'm bad at istening to lyrics when hearing beautiful performances).
In this case you obviously express you (the main character in the 'story') are there for the other don't you?


Yes - that is it exactly.. The "other" is going through a fairly crap time, and I am there for her..


Thanks @Mar T. for the detailed listen and commentary.. Yes I "produced" and "mixed" this one - not sure it really counts as anything special with a 1+1 though but even so I thank you for your comments.. @Jambrains was (as per usual) advising and encouraging me in the background... so maybe that's why it's not completely "shite" as we say around here :)


Re "ravage you" - I initially was intending to go a semi higher but I kinda like this better - I know it sounds a little discordant but I think it fits the sentiment  - maybe I'm kidding myself though.. I'll have a look at that 7th under "lead" ... Thanks a mill for the steers!


K


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Re: Every Path
Reply #13 on: December 20, 2018, 02:07:27
Ah ok I get it, thanks for declaring.. I wish you the best being there for her. And from her perspective I'd be glad to have you on my side!

As for the mix/prod I believe that 1+1 perf/mix/prod can be even more challenging than full band perf/mix/productions, and imo you nailed it. It still sounds authentic and great to hear that people you trust helped you tweaking. And I can still hear the choices you made were authentic. Chapeau!

'discordant' is fine while it's your creative choice of course!  Just had to confront you with my 1st interpretation of your choice, pointing out with the intention to help of course, and you're always free to do what you want  ;)
That 7th.. may seem like a small detail, and also just a small pointer. Just try it and let your creative 'you' be the guide.. I trust you completely that you will always be and create what you need to create. And I'll always be a fan of whatever you create. Period.

Yw dear Karen, and again thank you for sharing your art, I love it!
Mar T.


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Re: Every Path
Reply #14 on: December 21, 2018, 18:17:28
This music transports me to quiet places in the countryside
I think it could be considered a perfect job in general
Congratulations



xx
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