• Finally (working title)
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  • Mutrins
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Finally (working title)
on: October 20, 2018, 12:01:08
Hi all!

Working on a new one and would love to get some feedback. This is about doing everything you can to win the heart of the one you love. I wanted to give it a sort of 1950s/60s vibe. The lyrics and overall vibe is also supposed to be sort of cheeky.
Thanks so much!
Micky

https://soundcloud.com/micky-shiloah/finally-10-18-b/s-q5I9i

Lyrics:
Waking up
Waking up
Finally see mine
Finally see mine

Waking up
Waking up
Finally realize
Finally realize

I've got the power right in my hands
To bake a better pie
Built it out of scratch and make it taste right
I've got the power right in my hands
To make a better life
Add a little sweet and make it just right

Chorus:
Now that I'm here
Do you wanna be my baby?
(Do you wanna be my baby?)
Now that I'm clear
I can see me with you baby
(I can see me with you baby)

Do you see me see me
see me see me see me
see me see me with you?
(I really hope you do now)
Do you see me see me
see me see me see me
see me see me with you?
(I put in all this time for you)
Do you see me see me
see me see me see me
see me see me with you?
(I really hope you do now)
Do you see me see me
see me see me see me
see me see me with you?
(I put in all this time for you)

Stepping up
Stepping up
Putting on a tie
Rush hour by 9

Stepping up
Stepping up
Exercise
Every day at least three miles

I've got the power right in my feet
To make my strides
Picking up the pace to the finish line

I've got the power right in my feet
To make a better life
Add a little speed to the finish line

Chorus:
Now that I'm here
Do you wanna be my baby?
(Do you wanna be mine?)
Now that I'm clear
I can see me with you baby
(I can see you as mine)

I did everything you wanted me to do
I did everything you wanted me to do

Bridge:
I did everything right
I did everything right
Got a job and a car and a dog and a meal plan
Shaun T five times a week
I swear, I did everything right
I did everything right
Still in some debt, but mostly gone
I don't understand what else is wrong?

I did everything right
I did everything right
Is it still not good enough?
Still not good enough?

I did everything right
I swear I did everything right
I really did everything right

I did this all for you
Now, do you wanna be my baby?
I really got my shit together
Just like you wanted
(I can see me with you baby)

Do you see me see me
see me see me see me
see me see me with you?
(I really hope you do now)
Do you see me see me
see me see me see me
see me see me with you?
(I put in all this time for you)
Do you see me see me
see me see me see me
see me see me with you?
(I really hope you do now)
Do you see me see me
see me see me see me
see me see me with you?

I did everything you wanted me to do
I did everything you wanted me to do


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Re: Finally (working title)
Reply #1 on: October 20, 2018, 12:10:48
very poppy and modern, @Mutrins . I would call it "See me see me" or "Shaun T five times a week". Fine harmonies, sounding like a large BoyBand, K-pop style   ::thumb::

In your post I would - just a non musical tip - shorten the lyrics by cutting out the repetitions.
recommending https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_Music_Works "How music works", book by David Byrne.


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Re: Finally (working title)
Reply #2 on: October 20, 2018, 14:05:41
 Love it. Personally, I donít hear much of the fifties or sixties, but that might as well be a matter of taste or expectations.
Love the overlapping singing, thatís a treat. Great piece of work.
Title that suits you, ribbon around it and cherish it for te years to come.
Have a nice weekend.
Kind regards, Gus


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Re: Finally (working title)
Reply #3 on: October 20, 2018, 19:39:46
Hi @Mutrins ,

Oh yeah. I hear the Doo-wop vocal riffing happening. Love it. Four Seasons. Dion And the Belmonts. A bit of Lieber and Stoller Coasters humor?

Works for me. I don't see anything I'd change. The story evolves nicely. And it's a story I, personally, can relate to.

Great work  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::

Later,
Stan
I'm a lyricist seeking music writers to work with.


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Re: Finally (working title)
Reply #4 on: October 20, 2018, 21:04:16
This is really good. I love how you throw in those ad lib vocals here and there along with all of the very cool other vocal nuances. You are SO good at that

When it first started I heard the first lines as:

Working on
waking up


"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


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Re: Finally (working title)
Reply #5 on: October 21, 2018, 19:54:43
@Mutrins Love the way you layer the vocals - top shelf - and since the song is a bit longer than those 50s/60s 3 minute  A sides, you keep the interest by adding those pleading lead vocal lines towards the end.
Sounds done to me; hats off for all the good work that went into this :praise:

Robert


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Re: Finally (working title)
Reply #6 on: October 21, 2018, 20:10:40
Great, entertaining pop song with loads of surprises all the way through. The 'see me' chorus is so catchy, then the doubling vocals really add something towards the end. The final part sounds like the outro to an old Beach Boys song, with all the harmonies and heavy reverb.

Lyrics, very clever and personal, Micky you are a little pop master, virtually every song you do sounds like a modern day hit, and so I do wish for you that break that would take your promising output into a solid commercial arena. Mate, you need an agent!  ;D  ::thumb::
If you like novels with a musical theme, why not try 'Sixth Beatle - When Music Changed The World', easily found on Amazon and Google. It is amazing, although as the author I may be biased!


Re: Finally (working title)
Reply #7 on: October 22, 2018, 06:29:15
This has such a upbeat vibe to it.   I personally would take it a step further if i were you.    If you are going to go this direction my suggestion would be to go all the way.     Silly and happy all the way.   People will love it!    Excellent work and kudos to you!


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Re: Finally (working title)
Reply #8 on: October 28, 2018, 10:11:03
@oorlab Thank you!! Yes I could shorten those lyrics LOL

@LePlongeur Thank you so much, Gus! I wish I could put a ribbon around it and leave it alone, but I might go back in and fix things lol. Glad you liked it!!

@smajor Thank you, Stan! Happy you enjoyed it :)

@Leonard Scaper Thank you as always!!! Those actually would be fitting lyrics, too....haha

@robertkc Thank you, Robert! Glad you liked it and all of the little bits and pieces :)

@MichaelA wow thank you so much!! Thrilled that you like it and I truly appreciate the well wishes. It's tough out here in the music biz haha but just trying to get a good catalogue together and push it somehow! Thanks again :)

@eblossman I like that advice! definitely something to think about. Thank you for checking it out!


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Re: Finally (working title)
Reply #9 on: October 28, 2018, 16:14:02
great catchy twists and turns in this song @Mutrins, as always  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::

very nice!!!!!
me, myself, and Pie


Re: Finally (working title)
Reply #10 on: October 28, 2018, 17:17:38
Nice track man! Totally killer boy band pop vocals all the way through.  :)
Bill
Songwriter, Keyboards, Arranger, Producer & Engineer for November Sound

November Sound is based on the Mother, Father & Son musical trio of Melissa, Bill & Will. I'm the father so anything I post will have my wife singing and/or my son playing percussion.



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