• Green to Black, a progrock song.
  • Started by Pleudoniem
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Green to Black, a progrock song.
on: October 10, 2020, 01:15:33
Hopefully some of you could be kind enough to see if the song needs any more polishing. I'd be curious to learn from your ideas.

Green turned to black

A sole dandelion
Stood askance in a field
Praising the sun
For their likeness as one, when

It got smell of a wind
Blowing cold premonition
As it shook up its leaves
To a tense disposition

An unstoppable torrent
Pasting tarmac in rollers
Turned the field to a road
To be used by a few.

Green turned to black
Green turned to black
Overturning the pace
And the winner took all
Now did he?

After using some wood
Building bridges and homes
On a surface inviting
A people sustained

Against pendulous odds
Mostly part of the play
As they winced at the sun
To keep smiling their way

Enter the burn
It had never returned
Enter the shells raining down
Melting the ground
 
Green turned to black
Green turned to black
Overturning the pace 
And the winner took all
Now did he?

https://soundcloud.com/pleudoniem/green-to-black
Pleudoniem: composer; bass guitarist; guitarist; singer; drummer; tap-guitarist - o, and yes... erm- a bit of keys. Open for collabs.
SoundCloud Page: https://soundcloud.com/pleudoniem


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Re: Green to Black, a progrock song.
Reply #1 on: October 11, 2020, 18:25:49
Nice track @Pleudoniem ! I know you are a multi-instrumentalist, so did you play all the instruments on this one?
I love the electric guitar and the synth which give a funky mood to it!
I heard some female vocals at some parts and I really like it as well.


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Re: Green to Black, a progrock song.
Reply #2 on: October 11, 2020, 18:36:24
@Mylene Thanks for your comment :) Yes, I always play all the instruments myself, unless when it's a collab, of course. The female vocals are a VST, I didn't sing those :)


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Re: Green to Black, a progrock song.
Reply #3 on: October 12, 2020, 00:17:49
@Pleudoniem  - great guitar playing. Super lyrics. Specially the 'Enter the burn' is very strong.

Some tips:  I'd leave out the VST female vocal where they coincide with your singing. And I lower the reverb on the main vocals, for clarities' sake
In the green turned to black - you could possibly a bit more melody to the vocals - a melody going up instead of down.
"Praising the sun
For their likeness as one"
- shouldn't that be for its likeness - or am I missing a reference to another 'theirs'?

new guitar 4-6-2020 https://soundcloud.com/oorlab/12string-demo1 12string Cort.


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Re: Green to Black, a progrock song.
Reply #4 on: October 12, 2020, 01:49:12
« Last Edit: October 12, 2020, 02:32:49 by Pleudoniem »
@oorlab Likeness as (if they were) one, it is correct the way it is.

I had my doubts about the fems in the chorus, so I'll remove them. I also changed the reverb a bit. I heard @Mora Amaro La Loba comment on it as well in an earlier song, so I guess I should lower it in general. It is actually a saved preset I used for an earlier song, but it doesn't prove to be universal enough.

See if you like it better that way.


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Re: Green to Black, a progrock song.
Reply #5 on: October 12, 2020, 07:14:21
A haunting piece of work @Pleudoniem
Pentimento itís called when a painter keeps altering things.
But the result will suffer in the end. The difficult thing is generally not when to start, but when to stop tinkering.
The fun bit here is that the music that is presented, isnít perse what I would choose to listen to. And there are always small surprises!
Kind regards, Gus


Re: Green to Black, a progrock song.
Reply #6 on: October 12, 2020, 14:26:09
I really like the somewhat cacophonous quality of that electric guitar.....incredibly expressive in its freedom and insistence.

That opening verse is excellent:

A sole dandelion
Stood askance in a field
Praising the sun
For their likeness as one
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

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Re: Green to Black, a progrock song.
Reply #7 on: October 12, 2020, 20:19:36
really like this one. very original and deep lyrics.

gr. Dan


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Re: Green to Black, a progrock song.
Reply #8 on: October 12, 2020, 23:20:04
@LePlongeur There are a great many cases in which you'd definitely have a point, but I think I can trust @oorlab on this :). The opposite of pentimento is partaker's blindness, which is when you've worked on a piece for some time, you will have become a part of it, and you become less sensitive to how outsiders may perceive it. A 2nd opinion is always good in that respect.

@Leonard Scaper It is also great fun to do. It is like banjo style, but with heavy distortion in waterfall mode :)



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Re: Green to Black, a progrock song.
Reply #9 on: October 13, 2020, 07:20:47
Yes, you are right @Pleudoniem
You did ask for suggestions, and @oorlabís mum didnít raise no fools.
Iíll try to be more careful next time.
Comments can be hurtful and maybe my comment didnít fall well. If that is the case, I am sorry.
So in any case, I liked the original energy of the song. Still do actually.
Kind regards, Gus


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Re: Green to Black, a progrock song.
Reply #10 on: October 13, 2020, 11:53:31
@LePlongeur Not hurt, just puzzled ;) I first wondered how your comment was meant, and then figured it could be read in more than one way. I chose the one that was critical, but constructive, as I have known you to be.


Re: Green to Black, a progrock song.
Reply #11 on: October 13, 2020, 20:58:53
@Pleudoniem  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::

A very modern job, I really like this kind of musical dimension
The infinite stupidity of our political leaders and the powerful who handle their strings have always marked the present and the future of the human species



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