• Hello Moon
  • Started by habiTat
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Hello Moon
on: September 17, 2013, 11:44:45
Hi guys,

My 22 month old daughter Tabitha is teething at the mo, the back ones >:( so she is having trouble sleeping.

She was up and about last night at around 11 and I took the opportunity to open the front door and show her the moon. Her reaction was so innocent, it hit me how much I really love her. I know it sounds soppy but I've honestly never known anything like it, she amazes me every day with the new things she has learnt and words she can say. I was so caught up in that moment that I couldn't sleep, so I wrote this on my phone. It's more emotional than my other stuff and I wouldn't normally share something this personal, so early in the writing but I feel as though I can on this new platform.

I'd appreciate any thoughts on lyrical adjustments if any, and also how you think I should approach it musically. As you know I'm always one to lean on the acoustic side of things, so I'm naturally thinking in that direction.


Hello Moon

I never had it before
Not like this, not as close
It's almost like its some kind of
An illness I suppose

Tonight I showed her the moon
It was clear and crisp and cold
Called her to the door
I Crouched down, pointed and told

Said that light up there in the sky  my dear
That's the moon, right up high
She pointed to It and smiled
"Hello moon", she replied

It hurts
How much I love her
Actually hurts
How is that?
It Hurts
How much  I love her
How is that?
How is that?


Not a day goes by
Without my daily surprise
She knows everything
Colours, shapes, even size

Tell her once she remembers
Tell her twice and she knows
I never had  this before
Not like this, not as close

It hurts
How much I love her
Actually hurts
How is that?
It Hurts
How much  I love her
How is that?
How is that?

My biggest fear though is for the future
The thing that I'm dreading so much
The day when she no longer needs me
The day when we start to lose touch

I hope that I'll always remember
My little girl who said, "hello moon"
Cos I know that she won't stay forever
And I know that day will come too soon


Re: Hello Moon
Reply #1 on: September 17, 2013, 13:06:23
holy shit Hab - that had me going mate - wow!

Have you heard Louden Wainwrights Daughter -

I played this song over and over when my wee girl was born. Your lyrics also brought home to me how much we lose that wonder when you have more kids you take so much more for granted - I have 3.

Its always interesting to read lyrics with no melody as it looks like you have 3 verses then chorus, and then 2 then chorus , then 2 different sections to end - so it will be interesting to see what you come up with. I love your music a lot but generally the 'public' really like familiar structures.

I also think you could use the song 'daughter' for some arrangement ideas - I love the accordion and steel guitar in this - what immediately jumped into my head was that since your daughter was the inspiration for this song why not think musically of what she could influence - i.e. simple nursery type melody, some play bell sound effects - I dont know I am just throwing around ideas !

I love the lyrics and the sentiment though - stunning work  ;D


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Re: Hello Moon
Reply #2 on: September 17, 2013, 17:33:10
My two boys are 11 and ten years old.  They are simply the centre of my world.  It was only a short time ago that they were babies and then toddlers.  Both were inquisitive children, filled with wonder for the world.  Those years are so precious! They grow so quickly until they become adventurous children, wishing to spread their wings and explore the world a little further.  I already feel that I am losing them but take comfort in knowing that I've devoted so much care and love -  I've been very much a hands on Dad, getting involved in all aspects of their lives. I believe it will all come full circle - they'll drift further away and eventually (hopefully) return to me one day.

It's a lovely time for you  to enjoy right now - make the most of it as I'm sure you will.

Ok - Hello Moon:

I immediately relate to the first verse, the beautiful experience of discovering such a strong bond between yourself and your child.  The second and third section lyrics allow the listener into the private experience that you shared with your daughter - quite beautiful.  The 'it's hurts' section is one that I and many other parents will strongly relate to - our children are truly a precious gift.

Your next two song sections caused me to consider that perhaps we've all been here before and will return again -  children pick up new skills with such ease. - 'she knows everything ......tell her twice and she knows'.  Your final two song sections address the fear that many parents have of their children growing up.  I can tell that you won't ever forget your moonlit conversation with your daughter and can see that your love for her will ensure that your daughter will always wish to return to you!

A beautiful story and skilful write.

I think Kaf's idea of nursery like instrumentation is worth exploring - perhaps you could explore John Lennon's Beautiful Boy' recording for possible ideas on how to approach this recording.  :)

Thank you for sharing the very personal details of this song.

Paul


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Re: Hello Moon
Reply #3 on: September 17, 2013, 23:50:33
Lovin it John.  When ever I try to write something like this, I get the first verse and then hit a wall. Where do I go from here?  You have developed this really well and I think your last verse is a great payoff for the all the previous verses. It stresses the strength of the relationship but at the same time hints of a fragility. Classy stuff.

Allan.
Part time musician, photographer, astronomer, computer pragramer and husband.


Re: Hello Moon
Reply #4 on: September 18, 2013, 13:33:43
Thanks for your feedback and ideas guys, Kaf, I've never had a 'holy shit' before so thanks for that  ;D

I really like the nursery ideas, I have been thinking to maybe use a familiar melody like twinkle twinkle for parts, maybe the chorus, and to include some subtle chimes and other nursery sounds peppered throughout.

Thankyou guys, your insightful input is great, I really like this new place.


Re: Hello Moon
Reply #5 on: September 18, 2013, 14:20:07
Its mad - when I was out running yesterday I whiled away a few K's thinking about this lyric and how wonderfully you had articulated the love for your daughter

I often think as songwriters that we are programmed to view the world slightly different

I seriously think these lyrics are just perfect  :D


Re: Hello Moon
Reply #6 on: September 19, 2013, 09:26:09
Its mad - when I was out running yesterday I whiled away a few K's thinking about this lyric and how wonderfully you had articulated the love for your daughter

I often think as songwriters that we are programmed to view the world slightly different

I seriously think these lyrics are just perfect  :D

Cheers Andy, you just earned a karma point ;D

I think we do look at things differently, some might say we're dreamers, maybe we're the only ones who are truly awake..

Hang on a minute, that might make a good lyric  :D


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Re: Hello Moon
Reply #7 on: September 19, 2013, 20:58:27
 i agree,

it is such an honest (and creative!) way to express how much you love your daughter

you must be a songwriter to do that, and YOU are a real one, Habi
me, myself, and Pie


Re: Hello Moon
Reply #8 on: September 20, 2013, 22:07:40
Thankyou Dutchbeat, that's very kind  :)

I have been thinking and I think it'd be nice to play this on the guitalele, it has a toy-like quality to it, I think, if I can, I'd like to perform it as one of my open mic songs on the other side.



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Re: Hello Moon
Reply #9 on: September 21, 2013, 13:06:31
Talking about toy like sounds there is a Kontakt toy drum kit vst instrument on the market I believe. I have seen it somewhere though have never heard it. Would e interesting to hear a song w
Mad from toy sounds and toy like instruments.

Think I will do some google work.

Allan.


Re: Hello Moon MUSIC ADDED
Reply #10 on: September 22, 2013, 01:54:28
Hey chaps,

I literally grabbed 20 minutes today and conjured up a melody on the guitalele, I recorded my very first full take with my iphone, then got interrupted.  :-[

Now, knowing how things are at the moment, my next chance might be a way off, so, I imported this one and only take into Audacity, tweaked it a little bit and uploaded it. I often finds it helps me to listen to an early recording over and over to help me to learn the words/find things to alter, so this is that exercise really.

 I'd be really keen to hear your thoughts on the structure, esp. the quiet, strummed chorus parts and the overall feel of it as a composition and also how you think I could develop it as a full production, I'm keen to keep the guitalele but I really like that nursery instrumentation idea. I apologise for the recording, the guitalele is a little loud in places but it was, after all, done on a phone  :D

I have also changed the lyrics slightly, that first pre-verse was a no go  :-\ , I've pasted the amended words in below..

https://soundcloud.com/whitewinter-habitat/hello-moon-demo

Hello Moon

Tonight I showed her the moon
It was clear and crisp and cold
Called her to the door
Crouched down, pointed and told

Said that light up there in the sky  my dear
That's the moon,
right up high
high....

She pointed to It and smiled
"Hello moon", she replied
It hurts
How much I love her
Actually hurts

Not a day goes by
Without my daily surprise
She knows everything
Colours, shapes, even size

Tell her once she remembers
Tell her twice and she knows
I never had  this before
Not like this, not as close

She pointed to It and smiled
"Hello moon", she replied
It hurts
How much I love her
Actually hurts

My biggest fear though is for the future
The thing that I'm dreading so much
The day when she no longer needs me
The day when we start to lose touch

I hope that I'll always remember
My little girl who said, "hello moon"
Cos I know that she won't stay forever
And I know that day will come too soon

She pointed to It and smiled
"Hello moon", she replied
It hurts
How much I love her
Actually hurts

Tabitha: "Hello Moon"


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Re: Hello Moon
Reply #11 on: September 22, 2013, 11:43:30
I'm hearing big cymbal crashes and an emotive string section,including a bass with real movement for a future production. A good recording!

Paul


Re: Hello Moon MUSIC ADDED
Reply #12 on: September 23, 2013, 00:16:52
« Last Edit: September 23, 2013, 00:20:11 by habiTat »
Thanks Paul. my production skills are limited unfortunately but I'll give the cymbal idea a whirl and I do have GarageBand so I could try to create some strings.

I am considering changing the word 'actually hurts' in the chorus to something less clumsy, maybe 'really hurts' or 'yes it hurts' or maybe even 'truly hurts'

What you you guys think?

Any ideas?

I realise my demo is quite pants, please don't worry about offending me, it's the kitchen, speak your mind :)


Re: Hello Moon
Reply #13 on: September 23, 2013, 15:39:57
hey Hab  ;D

Right sometimes it easier to focus in the critical points , which by no means detract from a wonderful song !

I struggled with the gloomy nature of the chords and melody against the bittersweet lyrics and I still think structure wise it's very difficult and overly complex

I think something like this needs more light and not just your daughters wonderfully cheery voice at the end - ace touch btw  ;)

In terms of performance the chords and melody actually impressed me - it was a new fresh approach for me - I loved it - just thought it was a but dark

I think structures are very subjective so what I am saying is that the whole package could work - just not for me

Some excellent playing though and singing  ;D

I hope it's ok to say this and it makes sense  :)


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Re: Hello Moon
Reply #14 on: September 23, 2013, 18:23:37
Ha Habi, finally found time to listen,

and yes i like it, great fit of the chords to the lyrics, and oh man how you remind me some of the early (and best  ;D) work of Chris de Burgh

inlcuding that high and long singing note.....

ha and that ending (i mean Tabitha  ;D ;D ;D ;D)

this recording is not doing it right, you know that, but you say you did it in 20 minutes, it is an excellent and a very inspired song!!!!! and i really think a more full and sometimes more playlike (think fairy tales..twinkles...bells, but also sweet strings in my opinion  ;D) arrangment would totally make this really ACE

so i would say  ;D ;D ;D ;D go for it, if we / i could throw in some additions, let's know, we can always try...and you decided...but we are all here KITCHENITES......(UNITE)

ha, forum Kitchenites, unite!




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