• Helpless!
  • Started by CrystalSuzy
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Helpless!
on: March 08, 2018, 03:55:15
« Last Edit: March 11, 2018, 01:05:35 by CrystalSuzy »
Hi everyone,
It's been a while since I posted anything, mainly because I haven't written anything which is because I'm still struggling with life's up and downs and this song is a reflection of some of the downs. This track has 4 distinctly different parts...kinda like prog-rock I guess, but not sure if it works  :-\  Not sure if the line "it will make a good song" works either. I guess my intention was, that if anything good might come out of this seemingly hopeless situation, it might be this song  ???  I could go with something like, "It will make me strong"  ??? This has been changed  ::headphone:: I've also changed the title  :)
Any constructive thoughts will be most welcome  ::Suzy::


https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/an-endless-train-to-nowhere

Weíve been going round on this burning wheel, for so long
Donít now how we got here, but I wonder where I went wrong
But maybe, just maybe, it will make me strong
Helpless Öhelpless

Mary-Jane changed his brain, when he was still young
Then the dragon, singed his soul; and blocked out the sun
Now heís frozen in crystals; have these drugs won?
Helpless Öhelpless

You say that youíre all rightÖfor now
I say you need some helpÖright now
But round and round and round we go
Nothing ever changes; you donít want to know
It stays the same, on this endless train, to nowhere
It stays the same, on this endless train, to nowhere

As Crystals explode into ice; Iím dragged down into his hell
Psychotic nightmares or evil spells? Whatís real, whatís not?
Becomes more fragile with each fix and shot
But he doesnít care; cause heís way out there, with translucent eyes
And a broken soul, as he watches life through a tiny hole
I canít get through the broken glass; I feel so helpless, as he
Starts to crash; I canít break his fall; heís like a bouncing ball
So I watch him wither, into something very small

I canít take it anymore. I just canít take it anymore
My heart is broken to the core. I canít take it anymore

You say you wanna leave; you wanna get out, right now
I say you gotta go, you gotta go, somehow
But round and round and round we go
Nothing ever changes; no one ever goes
It stays the same, on this endless train, to nowhere
It stays the same, on this endless train, to nowhere

Weíve been going round on this burning wheel, for so long
Donít now how we got here, but I wonder where I went wrong
But maybe, just maybe, it will make me strong
Ya, maybe, just maybe, it will make me strong


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Re: Endless Train To Nowhere
Reply #1 on: March 08, 2018, 12:14:50
@CrystalSuzy
Iíve listened three times to your post. They would have been called a song cycle. Something that was very popular from say 1967 to 1970 or so.

I like the music very much but find it very difficult to react in a respectful way.
Iím Dutch, not the most subtle people in general, and not a native English speaker of course. So subtleties in the language sometime elude me.

So Iíll try to keep it short and light: I sincerely wish that it will make you strong, because I think that that is what you need most.
And you song and feelings have not gone unnoticed.
I think itís a very brave thing to do, to write it and post this.
Kind regards, Gus


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Re: Endless Train To Nowhere
Reply #2 on: March 08, 2018, 21:17:19
Hey Suzy! Quite a complex track this and very ambitious in its construction, but being a fan of your unpredictable style, always full of surprises, I liked it a lot. The whistling is kind of untroubled and wistful in mood which then contrasts with all the troubles implicit in the lyrics. I thought the song was going to be called 'Helpless', which is a catchy refrain and is then brought back again at the end. The title track refrain is also very catchy, but maybe that could be made more of if you are still working on this, as it could cement the song more, especially at the end. But there's loads of good snippets of melodies in this and the in-and-out harmonies are really good at both selling a deceptively sweet sound, but then in also making the main character sound vulnerable and a little unstable.

On Soundcloud you mentioned it is a 'stream of consciousness' song, and that is a very neat idea and it is kind of a sister to your 'Bad Day' song, in that the world here is a bit fuzzy and uncertain, definitely not ordered or structured, with different changes of pace deliberately unsettling the listener. So the mini-patchwork quilt of songs within songs seals the concept really well. If anything, since you mention prog rock, I think this could have been even longer, so you could get the listener more used to the different movements within the piece. But it's good short too, esp if you replay so as to get used to all the snippets that normally become familiar through more repetition.

But this is another very individual piece of music, defiant of convention,  and you have developed a unique style for sure. I always enjoy your songs and this one is no exception. I will definitely be revisiting. Cheers @CrystalSuzy! Good one!  ::thumb::
If you like novels with a musical theme, why not try 'Sixth Beatle - When Music Changed The World', easily found on Amazon and Google. It is amazing, although as the author I may be biased!


Re: Endless Train To Nowhere
Reply #3 on: March 09, 2018, 00:29:00
well written lyrics. Strong message. The whistling and tune make it lighter. The 'disco' parts are cool.
Will you work on this further or was this something to get out of your system and move on?
recommending https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_Music_Works "How music works", book by David Byrne.


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Re: Endless Train To Nowhere
Reply #4 on: March 09, 2018, 02:23:34
I love what you do. You have a musical persona that is truly yours and yours alone and this song takes that to the perfect extreme. I think you have a touch of Frank Zappa in you with how you put things together with such complexity and how you hide your serious message in a maze of quirkiness. 

From a production standpoints as well this piece is amazing.

 8)
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

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Re: Endless Train To Nowhere
Reply #5 on: March 09, 2018, 04:26:04
@CrystalSuzy
Iíve listened three times to your post. They would have been called a song cycle. Something that was very popular from say 1967 to 1970 or so.

I like the music very much but find it very difficult to react in a respectful way.
Iím Dutch, not the most subtle people in general, and not a native English speaker of course. So subtleties in the language sometime elude me.

So Iíll try to keep it short and light: I sincerely wish that it will make you strong, because I think that that is what you need most.
And you song and feelings have not gone unnoticed.
I think itís a very brave thing to do, to write it and post this.
Kind regards, Gus

thanks for listening Gus, and I'm glad you liked the music and got the general gist of this song, even though English isn't your first language.
I'm not sure what you mean when you say "but find it very difficult to react in a respectful way". I think you've reacted very respectfully, so maybe it's just a language thing.
thanks for answering my question regarding the use of 'song' or 'strong', and I think you're right so I will change that
You're also right about this being a difficult song to share


Re: Endless Train To Nowhere
Reply #6 on: March 10, 2018, 07:20:44
« Last Edit: March 10, 2018, 07:24:42 by CrystalSuzy »
Hey Suzy! Quite a complex track this and very ambitious in its construction, but being a fan of your unpredictable style, always full of surprises, I liked it a lot. The whistling is kind of untroubled and wistful in mood which then contrasts with all the troubles implicit in the lyrics. I thought the song was going to be called 'Helpless', which is a catchy refrain and is then brought back again at the end. The title track refrain is also very catchy, but maybe that could be made more of if you are still working on this, as it could cement the song more, especially at the end. But there's loads of good snippets of melodies in this and the in-and-out harmonies are really good at both selling a deceptively sweet sound, but then in also making the main character sound vulnerable and a little unstable.

On Soundcloud you mentioned it is a 'stream of consciousness' song, and that is a very neat idea and it is kind of a sister to your 'Bad Day' song, in that the world here is a bit fuzzy and uncertain, definitely not ordered or structured, with different changes of pace deliberately unsettling the listener. So the mini-patchwork quilt of songs within songs seals the concept really well. If anything, since you mention prog rock, I think this could have been even longer, so you could get the listener more used to the different movements within the piece. But it's good short too, esp if you replay so as to get used to all the snippets that normally become familiar through more repetition.

But this is another very individual piece of music, defiant of convention,  and you have developed a unique style for sure. I always enjoy your songs and this one is no exception. I will definitely be revisiting. Cheers @CrystalSuzy! Good one!  ::thumb::

thank you so much for your very kind and helpful comments @MichaelA  You are always so supportive of my rather 'out of the box' creations  ::heart::
I really like your suggestions and have made the song even longer, by adding another section of the "endless train to nowhere" bit  :whistle: Not sure if if makes it too long now,
but if helps cement the piece together, it might be worth it. I think calling it "Helpless" is a good idea as well, so I may make that change. I've also changed 'make a good song' to 'make me strong'  ??? I hope it sounds better  ::phone::
Please have a listen to the new version(I just replaced the old track), and let me know what you think. Thanks again for your helpful advice. CS  ::Suzy::


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Re: Endless Train To Nowhere
Reply #7 on: March 10, 2018, 10:49:38
I am listening on my good studio headphones now and appreciating this song even more, Suzy. I think the structure of this song is so good....the way you keep changing it up. The juxtaposition of this serious story line with the somewhat quirky musical production is such a good vehicle for getting the song to stick hard with the listener. That second voice in there along with yours had me thinking B52's a few times.

I really like how this version ends with your clear vocals and then more whistling. I definitely like the change in the lyrics to "make me strong" as it fits the story better. I also like the idea of calling it "Helpless".

You worked hard on this production and it shows.


Re: Endless Train To Nowhere
Reply #8 on: March 11, 2018, 00:59:03
well written lyrics. Strong message. The whistling and tune make it lighter. The 'disco' parts are cool.
Will you work on this further or was this something to get out of your system and move on?

thanks for listening and taking the time to leave a supportive comment, @oorlab  :) The message and lyrics came about from a real life experience,
so I'm glad they came across strong  ::Note::
I will continue to work on this one, so if you have any suggestions, please feel free. I've already changed some of this song since the first post  ::Suzy::


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Re: Helpless!
Reply #9 on: March 11, 2018, 01:15:17
Hey Suzy, that is brilliant now with those extra repetitions brought in. You have made the whole thing far more coherent now with just a bit of fine tuning and the song definitely benefits from that extra length -  given there is so much going on through its eventful journey. This is definitely one of my favourites of yours, I am really happy that you have made this profound artistic creation, even though in real life you have obviously struggled a little bit in the experiences that made this song. But that is art sister! Painful sometimes - but at least you can capture the bitter sweet beauty of being able to express yourself!  ::thumb::


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Re: Helpless!
Reply #10 on: March 11, 2018, 21:14:57
Wow thatís heavy @CrystalSuzy - sorry that youíve been touched by such things but good that youíve worked it through in song to some extent.


I always love to hear your songs so itís great youíre back creating. And this was the intriguing trip I have come to expect. Your vocal sounds great on this. And I really enjoyed the journey through the different sections. The only thing I think might merit a look at (for me and only on first listen - not so much on subsequent listens) was the first transition felt a little abrupt to me. I would be tempted to pause or use some other signal or more fluid transition before moving into the second section.


Having said that I loved it - its honesty and rawness of lyrics and really the delivery in general. 


Welcome back Mrs!!


K


Re: Helpless!
Reply #11 on: March 13, 2018, 12:48:50
« Last Edit: March 13, 2018, 13:01:20 by CrystalSuzy »
I am listening on my good studio headphones now and appreciating this song even more, Suzy. I think the structure of this song is so good....the way you keep changing it up. The juxtaposition of this serious story line with the somewhat quirky musical production is such a good vehicle for getting the song to stick hard with the listener. That second voice in there along with yours had me thinking B52's a few times.

I really like how this version ends with your clear vocals and then more whistling. I definitely like the change in the lyrics to "make me strong" as it fits the story better. I also like the idea of calling it "Helpless".

You worked hard on this production and it shows.
thank you so much for your very kind and supportive comments, @Leonard Scaper  ::heart:: This track did take a bit of fiddling around with, but to be honest, it kind of wrote itself, which is why I call it a 'stream of consciousness' piece. Each section is a reflection of my, somewhat roller coaster, ride with this loved one ::Note:: There are a couple of my other songs that people have related to the B52, so I guess I have a bit of that quirkiness in me. I'm glad you like the changes so far  ::Suzy::


Re: Helpless!
Reply #12 on: March 13, 2018, 12:59:33
« Last Edit: March 13, 2018, 13:04:30 by CrystalSuzy »
Hey Suzy, that is brilliant now with those extra repetitions brought in. You have made the whole thing far more coherent now with just a bit of fine tuning and the song definitely benefits from that extra length -  given there is so much going on through its eventful journey. This is definitely one of my favourites of yours, I am really happy that you have made this profound artistic creation, even though in real life you have obviously struggled a little bit in the experiences that made this song. But that is art sister! Painful sometimes - but at least you can capture the bitter sweet beauty of being able to express yourself!  ::thumb::
Thanks for taking another listen, @MichaelA  I'm glad you like the changes. ::thumb:: I've made a few more adjustments to the lead-ins to the 2nd and 3rd parts, so hopefully it works better.  :-\  I faded out before coming into the 2nd part...do you think it works OK?  I know what you mean about life's struggles, sometimes, being the boiling pot of our creations. The other extreme works well too, and thank goodness, I have lots of joy in my life as well  ::heart:: I'm humbled by your comments  ::Suzy::



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