• Home town song competition entry - Small town (half of JuneMay)
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  • Dakoda
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Hey @junemay , great lyrics
I suspect this one will go far in the competition..
great job.
Dakoda.
I prefer poisoner to fish chef...


Hi @Mark Luto , @Dakoda ,

thanks to both of you for listening and taking your time.

@Mark Luto : I agree, now that you are writing it, I think I should sing the last part slightly different (as you suggested). Will let Carina do this ;-) Btw. I am singing a lot (on all the demos for Carina) but usually noone get's to hear it.

@Dakoda: great to read you like the lyrics!

I have to say the entries to the contest are all very strong so I am looking forward to the results!

All the best!

Fabian


Really like this @junemay - lovely melody and lyrics (well I guess I'm saying lovely song then :)!) .. Enjoyed your vocal too - it has gentle emotion about it..


Lovely guitar playing also.. gorgeous really..





  • oorlab
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perfect song - very good guitar playing and vocals. Good luck in the competition
recommending https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_Music_Works "How music works", book by David Byrne.


Hi @oorlab and @Zedd

Thanks to both of you for your comments. Great to hear you like this one. The guitars are fake by the way and just my computer playing (even though I programmed it) @Mark Luto : programming these is not a big deal, they implemented a fantastic tool called "Riffer" which is really handy. You can download a free version of the AGM (Martin guitar) here: http://amplesound.net/en/download.asp (I think it is limited to the first 4 frets and otherwise fully functional).

Best,

Fabian


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I listened to this a couple of times - Immediate impression from the music was your accent (nordic?) and, perhaps aided by the mention of the berlin wall and your foriegn accent, I immediately thought of the scorpions song "The wind of change"!

The song was nicely put together, everything sounded nice although I felt as a "track" it could do with a bit more development. There is the piece where the chunky guitar comes in - I wonder if there isnt space for some harmony to make an appearance for the next chorus? Anyway thats for you to work with

The highlight of this was the lyrics - in particular the way you develop the chorus so it means something different (and more poignant) with each new appearance. I thought it was done really, really well.

As a collaborator (which I am not) I would sugest some tweaks in the verses - the first verse is excellent - the berlin wall, forming a band, the instruments - its tremendously visual and powerful. The second verse feels a lot more watered down with only the visual of you, the girl the stars (a bit more generic) , and the third verse has no visual imagery at all. I think you should pick a couple of objects and really place them into each verse to give the listener something to crystallize the narrative of the song -

Verse 2 - Where is the river? Which constellations do you remember? What color were the lights?
Verse 3 - Where were you in the city when you realized it didnt quite feel right? What stuck in your mind?

anyway - Good song. Just adding some thoughts


Hey @junemay I'm listening to all the entries again before voting. Nice work on this!
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Bill
Songwriter, Keyboards, Arranger, Producer & Engineer for November Sound

November Sound is based on the Mother, Father & Son musical trio of Melissa, Bill & Will. I'm the father so anything I post will have my wife singing and/or my son playing percussion.


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Jeeez @junemay Fabian! What a nice surprise to hear you singing! And how! I'd like to hear more of you singing! Also together with Carina! Thanks for sharing your voice with us, I know you're not that sure of your singing abilities. Well imo this is waaaaay above average man!
Very catchy tune! Love the 'rhytmic' feel in the strumming guitar parts, great build up with that piano and bass.. very subtle.
My only 'complaint' would be that 'Small town boys' doesn't 'scan' well (sequence of words don't sound natural that fast). That's all.. Wonderful track, congrats!!
Good luck in the comp!!

Cheers,
:mart:
I'm proud of this track, check it out! https://soundcloud.com/martimedia/dreams


Hi @fabkebab and @Mar T.

thanks to both of you for your comments and taking your time.

@Mar T. : I agree with your comment on the "small town boys" rhythm (similar to @Mark Luto 's) note on the same part. I will change this in a future version of the song
@fabkebab : regarding the arrangement - for me this is a song in "demo" stage and I would and will spend some more time to go for a final arrangement once the real vocals are in (usually a good friend of mine sings our songs ;-) Regarding the lyrics, thanks for pointing this out. I have to agree with you. In fact the "images" I am using in the second and third verse are very strong for me but they are not as telling as the ones in the first verse to someone who was not part of it. Will have a second look at them and see what I can improve.

Best and thanks to both of you.

Fabian


@junemay reminded me of something bits of that melody cant think tho but nice work, cant beat a strummy acoustic tune! good stuff man!
fly away and find my peace of mind...
http://soundcloud.com/man-of-simple-pleasures


Very lovely @junemay  :) Quite nostalgic and sentimental  :) Great job on the vocals and melody, although I think I would have thrown some harmonies in there.  ::smiley::
I agree with Mark and Marti about their comments regarding "small town boys" , but other than that, great entry  ::Suzy::



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