Author Topic: I Saw A Ghost Today - My debut submission to the kitchen.  (Read 196 times)

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Offline Urban Tumbleweed

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So folks my first ever song posted onto the kitchen. Hello to you all! My songs reflect my life and I would guess they fall into the Pop Rock genre. I have been with my partner for many years now and in many ways she is still the same now as the day we met. Occasionally she does or says something that takes me back to those early days and I ponder what has gone on in all those intervening years and out of this came the lyrics. Feel free to comment on the song and the mix.

The song is called "I Saw A Ghost Today" and may be found at https://soundcloud.com/user-260049779/i-saw-a-ghost-today

The Lyrics are:-

I heard a bell on that blue morning.
I wonder did it toll for you
You came to me without a warning
When men were walking on the Moon

And we made love on that first morning
Did the planet move for you
Oh what a century to be born in
When men were walking on the Moon

I saw a ghost today. Swear it was you.
Flashback to yesterday. When we were new.
A faded photograph. Faded tattoos
I saw a ghost today!
Woh oh oh etc

Then you were gone on that blue morning
You simply disappeared from view
We seemed to fly then we were falling
When men were walking on the Moon
 
I saw a ghost today. Swear it was you.
Flashback to yesterday. When things were new.
A faded photograph. Faded tattoos
I saw a ghost today!
Woh oh oh etc

Offline Dutchbeat

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Re: I Saw A Ghost Today - My debut submission to the kitchen.
« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2018, 18:10:59 »
hi @Urban Tumbleweed , thanks for joining the forum

yes, i think this is a great song  ::headphone:: ::headphone:: ::headphone:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::

welcome to the kitchen, grab a kitchen chair and make yourself at home here....
I lost it...ages ago

Offline Leonard Scaper

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Re: I Saw A Ghost Today - My debut submission to the kitchen.
« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2018, 22:14:23 »
Love this tune. Great guitar tone....I like how you go into that more distorted tone at the beginning.

Do you have more? Post a link in your signature.

Welcome to The Kitchen!
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

Online MichaelA

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Re: I Saw A Ghost Today - My debut submission to the kitchen.
« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2018, 22:24:22 »
Nice guitar work, the tone of it certainly cuts through.

I like the lyric idea of the ghost from the past and the whole thing is rather catchy. An enjoyable song!  ;)
If you like novels with a musical theme, why not try 'Sixth Beatle - When Music Changed The World', easily found on Amazon and Google. It is amazing, although as the author I may be biased!

Offline Zedd

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Hey @Urban Tumbleweed - nice guitar and a really catchy tune, nice tight lyrics and a great theme... I guess I like it a lot then!


Welcome to the Kitchen! Look forward to hearing more..


Karen.

Offline oorlab

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Re: I Saw A Ghost Today - My debut submission to the kitchen.
« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2018, 13:18:21 »
@Urban Tumbleweed  - welcome to the kitchen! Immediately likeable song. Nice Andy Summer-ish guitar.
recommending https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_Music_Works "How music works", book by David Byrne.

Offline M57

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Nice tune - Really like the lyric.  Solid performances both singing and guitar. The form works and its different sections belong together.  That's the mark of a skilled songwriter in my book.

IMO the arrangement needs to be fleshed out with bass and at least one other rhythm section instrument.  Either keys or another guitar.  It would be one thing if the guitar patch sound was the same all the way through - but those transitions call out for another instrument to make them smoother.  For instance at 0:42, you could keep the first guitar in the mix, but bring it way down and perhaps panned a bit "out of the way" as you bring in the second guitar.  Maybe that's too thick for you, but you get the idea. There's room for BV's too.  Not doubling, but harmonies. Congrats on a great song. -Mark

Offline Urban Tumbleweed

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Re: I Saw A Ghost Today - My debut submission to the kitchen.
« Reply #7 on: June 08, 2018, 17:35:41 »
Thanks for all the comments folks. Keep em coming. All good constructive stuff. Its surprising the things you miss that others can here. I am really enjoying life in the kitchen. Trying to get round to all your songs too. I reckon this could become an obsession.

Offline Dutchbeat

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Re: I Saw A Ghost Today - My debut submission to the kitchen.
« Reply #8 on: June 08, 2018, 17:45:39 »
hi @Urban Tumbleweed , thanks for your kind words about this forum, and great you like it out here  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: extra karma coins from me for you....

but yes, the forum can become a bit of an obsession  ;D ;D ;D ::) ::) ::), but so can making music and songwriting... become one life-long obsession with addictive features

by the way.... we have a test and self-help group for that on this forum....you can find the songwriting addiction, anonymous, group here (don't tell anyone i provided this link:

https://www.songwriter-forum-kitchen.com/forum/life/3/do-you-have-some-moments-that-you-dislike-your-songwriting-hobby-addiction/1846/

 

Online man of simple pleasures

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Re: I Saw A Ghost Today - My debut submission to the kitchen.
« Reply #9 on: June 08, 2018, 22:03:37 »
great when it kicks in, nice guitar work there mister ::thumb::

Offline fabkebab

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Re: I Saw A Ghost Today - My debut submission to the kitchen.
« Reply #10 on: June 09, 2018, 05:59:48 »
Good piece of songwriting - The different sections blended together, and the song had a nice dynamic.

I am sure you realize, but the "men walking on the moon" felt a bit more like the stronger hook of the song - especially since you reference planets etc in the verses (but you dont refer to ghosts). I guess you are trying to date the romance to 1969-1974... it was an interesting distraction, but may have detracted from your main goal to make us feel about your lost romance.

Musically my favorite part was the "Swear it was you" line, since your doubled vocals very slightly go out of sync, giving a nice, interesting harmony during the line "you". I wonder if there isnt a bit more scope for making harmony during that section. It reminded me a bit of David Bowie and he wouldnt be afraid to unleash some harmonies!!!

Anyway - good job - I am also looking at this forum for the first time, and the standard is high!!

Offline MrBouzouki

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Re: I Saw A Ghost Today - My debut submission to the kitchen.
« Reply #11 on: June 09, 2018, 09:58:36 »
Hi @fabkebab - welcome to the Kitchen.  ;D

Lyrically it's a nice journey through the past. It's my era so it strikes a chord for me. I agree with @oorlab about the early Andy Summers vibe with the arpeggiated guitar.

When the more distorted guitar kicks in at 0:41 I find the snare just a tad too loud. It takes away from the lyric IMO. When the distorted guitar kicks in it's not as prominent but probably still a little bit dominant to my ears. The bass seems a bit low too , I often think with a song like this that there should be a clear bass pulse glueing everything together and it's missing. The mix seems a bit hollow.

Overall a nice feel with a strong vocal delivery, I would like to hear some extra harmonies on the "I saw a ghost today" line as it keeps coming around, to add a bit more interest. 

Good Job - pull up a Kitchen chair and  make yourself at home.

 ::OSMAN:: ::OSMAN:: ::OSMAN::


 

"Love and Life is all about connections"

Offline Urban Tumbleweed

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Re: I Saw A Ghost Today - My debut submission to the kitchen.
« Reply #12 on: June 14, 2018, 18:28:39 »
Having digested all of your comments, I have come up with a new mix which takes into account most of your suggestions and I think it has improved the song. I have added some extra guitars, bought the bass forward in the mix and added some harmonising BVs. I have never been great or confident at harmonising and usually end up making a wailing noise that pitches randomly between the main melody line and the BV so this is a new departure for me. Your comments would be appreciated.

You can find the song at:

https://soundcloud.com/user-260049779/i-saw-a-ghost-today-2018-mix/s-qJDnm

Offline MrBouzouki

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Re: I Saw A Ghost Today - My debut submission to the kitchen.
« Reply #13 on: June 14, 2018, 22:45:07 »
Well @Urban Tumbleweed - I like the BV very much.  You just need to get over the "I can't do backing vocals" as you obviously can. So no more excuses ehhhh ?
it's all about "going for it" with this singing lark, we all broadly have the same equipment, it's just practice confidence and a bit of training to get results.
You obviously have a good ear as I've heard some very dubious harmonies on Sound Cloud whereas yours work fine.

Nice to hear the bass has been brought up as it's an interesting line so it's nice to hear it and it does help make it a song to my ears. I do like the distorted guitar  tone too.

I'm always for a mix where the vocals are riding over the top of the instrumentation so you can hear the lyrics, and hence story, clearly.

Good Job

 ::OSMAN:: ::OSMAN:: ::OSMAN::

 

Offline Urban Tumbleweed

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Re: I Saw A Ghost Today - My debut submission to the kitchen.
« Reply #14 on: June 15, 2018, 10:28:28 »
@MrBouzouki Thanks for your comments. I think you're right about going for it lol. I have found the way to do BV for me is to work out the harmony line on guitar and then keep playing it over the track until it is ingrained in your mind and then record straight away whilst it is fresh in your brain. Do you contribute songs to the forum. If so, I'll have to have a listen.


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