• Instead I Saw The Moon
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  • Leonard Scaper
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Instead I Saw The Moon
on: December 23, 2017, 16:22:27
Here's something else to listen to during the next week. Soon we'll all be listening to competition entries so I figured I had best finish this one that I started last week up instead of grinding on it. It's called....

Instead I Saw The Moon
https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13670764

I went out to start the car
And was surprised that you'd come back so soon
Kind of hard to see you
The way you blended with the night
I went out to see the stars
And instead I saw the moon
Instead I saw the moon

I knew that you'd stay with me
But didn't think to see you quite so soon
The way you had to go
Didn't seem quite right
So I went out to see the stars
And instead I saw the moon
Instead I saw the moon
Instead I saw the moon

CHORUS
Oh I'm hangin' on by a thread
Oh oh
Oh I can't believe you're really
Gone like this

Oh my life is on the horizon
Oh oh
Oh do I really see the moonlight in your eyes

INSTRUMENTAL

I always liked the mornings
But you would always sleep til noon
I embraced the dawn
While you always chased the night
Now with little warning
You are really gone
I hope you found your moon

HALF CHORUS

I sat there in our bar
Listening to our favorite tune
While I stared out the smoky window
Into the lonely night
Then I went out to see the stars
And instead I saw the moon

Thanks for listening

 8)

"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


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Re: Instead I Saw The Moon
Reply #1 on: December 23, 2017, 17:33:22
hi @leonardscaper, what a lovely chorus  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::

verses may need some work perhaps to get them clearer

but i like this
me, myself, and Pie


Re: Instead I Saw The Moon
Reply #2 on: December 23, 2017, 18:35:20
Nice work, Leonard!   You can feel the pathos in this number...  I agree with Db - the chorus is great!  I also really enjoyed the instrumental break.  This line really stood out for me:

"Kind of hard to see you
The way you blended with the night"


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Re: Instead I Saw The Moon
Reply #3 on: December 23, 2017, 19:28:48
@Dutchbeat ......tell me what you think about those verses. Are you hearing a mix thing? A lyric thing? Delivery? Love to keep working on this one.

Thanks for checking this one out @nicetalkintoya ......what do you think about the verses? Any advice?

 :) :) :) :) :)


Re: Instead I Saw The Moon
Reply #4 on: December 23, 2017, 20:59:47
As for the verses... the guitar work is very nice.  I like how it works with your vocals.  The one minor suggestion I'd make is - you repeat the phrase, "instead I saw the moon" three times just before the first chorus.  That's an opportunity to subtly vary the delivery melodically and emotionally.  It's the title line and has a lot of weight.  Think about the different feelings and intentions that line evokes in you, and try to communicate those things with each repetition.


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Re: Instead I Saw The Moon
Reply #5 on: December 24, 2017, 14:09:39
Thanks for that @nicetalkintoya ....I played this one a few times last night to get to know it better and you're right about that repeating part. There are a few other places where I have a better delivery to the vocals so I may record them over.


Re: Instead I Saw The Moon
Reply #6 on: December 25, 2017, 14:31:35
The melody is very beautiful! Your vocals fit well into the context of the song! Bravo!
Shatiks


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Re: Instead I Saw The Moon
Reply #7 on: December 27, 2017, 02:17:07
I love the poignant story @Leonard Scaper - closed beautifully by the last line...


Signature sound from you, which I'm going to enjoy of course.. I like this one a LOT! Bit of an ear worm I predict will be swimming around in my head as I try to sleep..


Just lovely, Lenny!


Re: Instead I Saw The Moon
Reply #8 on: December 27, 2017, 12:25:07
Really very lovely @Leonard Scaper  ::heart:: It's very dream-like and the chorus is quite surreal :) beautiful guitar, gentle strings and your vocals suit perfectly  ::thumb::
Sad and contemplating lyrics, which is always a bonus  ::Suzy::


Re: Instead I Saw The Moon
Reply #9 on: December 27, 2017, 14:10:54
« Last Edit: December 27, 2017, 16:55:48 by BLACK MIRROR »
Excellent tune...great guit work, lyrics , melodies....fantastic chorus. Congrats!
No Colours for Concern.


Re: Instead I Saw The Moon
Reply #10 on: December 27, 2017, 16:45:56
Beautiful song again, I love the Oh oh Oh oh

:goatie:
Merry Christmas


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Re: Instead I Saw The Moon
Reply #11 on: December 27, 2017, 18:29:47
Great love story here Leonard! I love the contradiction between the principals...but that's life sometimes. Nice work indeed.


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Re: Instead I Saw The Moon
Reply #12 on: December 28, 2017, 11:01:14
@Zedd ......I used to worry that my "signature sound" was just me recycling the same song over and over until I get it right.  ;) I still think that's what I'm doing but I accept that now.  :) Thank you for listening, Karen.

@CrystalSuzy  ......these lyrics did feel quite dream-like as they were coming through for me. One interesting thing, Suzy.....those strings are actually an electric guitar that is heavily processed on the way in with delayed and modulated chorus in the hope of making it sound like some other-worldly strings. I'm glad you picked up on that.  :)

@BLACK MIRROR .....thanks so much for giving this one a spin. I definitely value your appreciation.

@Goatie ........those ohhh's were in from the beginning mostly as a first try at a chorus melody but I had to stay with them. Thanks for that appreciation.  ::heart::

@Mr Sydney .......yes, this is a love song indeed. I knew you'd get that perspective, James. Thanks for that.

Thanks to all of you for listening and for your thoughtful comments. And thanks to any and all who may have just stopped by for a quick listen.

Steve


Re: Instead I Saw The Moon
Reply #13 on: December 28, 2017, 19:35:57
Hola Leonard, sad story but beautiful images, I like your way of writing, you put images in the eyes.
I think the same than @nicetalkintoya and after reading your answer sure your next recording will finally be the one you want. No more doubts. Hasta otro día. Mora
I did not know that to live I had to die so many times
https://vimeo.com/onacarom


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Re: Instead I Saw The Moon
Reply #14 on: December 28, 2017, 20:53:21



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