• Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar
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Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar
on: May 21, 2019, 22:40:04
« Last Edit: May 21, 2019, 23:02:57 by oorlab »
Hi there,
had the pleasure to work with @DonMar  's lyrics "Into the Dunes" and turn it into a song. Based on a doowoppy beat, I tried to get some variation by adding instruments throughout the track. What do you think of the tune, mix, placement of instruments? Is it a keeper?

https://soundcloud.com/oorlab/into-the-dunes-donmar-lyrics/s-TONGJ

lyrics : Donna Devine
Into the Dunes

V1
We池e so many miles and a world-view apart
But listening to my hammering heart
It tells me to leap ... to take a chance
On tomorrow

Chorus
I知 going to follow you Into the dunes
Of your ever-shifting mind
Follow you faithfully into the ruins
You always leave behind
Follow you, follow you, follow you
Into the dunes

V2
I値l never again try to fetter your wings
For life only offers us so many things
It tells me to leap ... that Time痴 not a coin
I can borrow

Chorus
I知 going to follow you into the dunes
Of your ever-shifting mind
Follow you faithfully into the ruins
You always leave behind
Follow you, follow you, follow you
Into the dunes

Bridge
So drive the nails into my palms
Or sing your ambiguous barbed-wire songs
Whether I laugh or whether I weep
I made the choice, I知 yours to keep

Chorus
I知 going to follow you into the dunes
Of your ever-shifting mind
Follow you faithfully into the ruins
You always leave behind
Follow you, follow you, follow you
Into the dunes

Outro
Into the movable feast of your mind
Into the ruins you leave behind
I'll follow you, follow you, follow you
Into the dunes

ゥ Donna Devine
recommending https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_Music_Works "How music works", book by David Byrne.


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Re: Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar
Reply #1 on: May 22, 2019, 17:25:16
I like it.

One thing that keeps nagging at me as I listen, though, is that electric guitar that is around 50% or so off to the right. It keeps hitting me as too pronounced and it is distracting me from your vocals. You might consider sending some of it over to the other side on a bus with a short delay....that might bring it back and spread on the soundstage a bit to give the vocal precedence.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


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Re: Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar
Reply #2 on: May 22, 2019, 17:49:55
ha @oorlab, yes i would say: it's a KEEPER

very nice nostalgic beat, great instrumentation, cool lyrics from @DonMar

are you singing these very high vocals too @oorlab???  :o :o :o
and ha! these high piano notes at the end, that is great

the mix sounds a bit loose at some points, there is so much going on.....i don't know what tip to give to work on that....but perhaps... :P :P a more consistent, throughout, bass (guitar) sound and volume going under neath could give a more solid basis????? i don't know

but it is lovely  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::
me, myself, and Pie


Re: Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar
Reply #3 on: May 22, 2019, 20:18:16
@oorlab  ::headphone:: ::headphone:: ::headphone:: This song has a very special atmosphere.
Listening to him moves me to simple places full of hope.
A very nice job  ::thumb:: ::thumb:: ::thumb::
Congratulations


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Re: Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar
Reply #4 on: May 23, 2019, 03:03:25
Nice one @oorlab!

I enjoyed the vocals - it has a doowop feel for sure.

It sounded like it needed to end earlier - just after the outtro vocals - the last 20 seconds or so, seems to drag a little and I think it could either have a more dramatic ending (earlier) or fade it out earlier.

The main vocal seems a bit low in the mix maybe? On my mac speakers it seems too low, on headphones it's better. But overall I think the vocals need to stand out more. There's a lot going on during some parts of the singing and the acoustic (for example) seems as loud as the main vocal which means the vocal is standing out enough for me.

Definitely a keeper!

cheers

Jurgen


Re: Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar
Reply #5 on: May 23, 2019, 18:55:03
Yes, keep this @oorlab   :thumbsup:The pop melody is a nice contrast with the lyrics- makes the whole original. Some very good lines in the lyrics @DonMar    and the chorus is catchy. Others have already made excellent mix suggestions- less busy & on `phones the guitar playing shots is quite distracting.
Very good vocals and background voices...will listen again to any changes  you make.

Robert



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Re: Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar
Reply #6 on: May 23, 2019, 22:57:11
many thanks @robertkc  @Jurgen @Marcus Nalgaber @Dutchbeat  @Leonard Scaper  - for the feedback and ideas for a new mix. Will work on it some more and post it here.


Re: Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar
Reply #7 on: May 23, 2019, 23:45:29
Hi @oorlab

I really liked the relaxed style of the song, that paused rhythm perfectly supports the underlying story although perhaps, as @Leonard Scaper  says, you could soften the chords so that the voice stands out more, but it is an appreciation only , for me you have made a revival of a sound era. I love the lyrics @DonMar
I did not know that to live I had to die so many times
My Youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAaK7mFK7fUpf1E99I1Qtow
My Vimeo Songs of Thought channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moraamarolaloba
My Vimeo Downtempo channel:
https://vimeo.com/channels/moramarolalobadowntempo


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Re: Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar
Reply #8 on: May 23, 2019, 23:54:47
« Last Edit: May 25, 2019, 13:38:37 by oorlab »
Hey @Mora Amaro La Loba  - thanks for the listen and feedback. I will indeed follow your advice and soften the chords and make the vocals a bit clearer in the mix


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Re: Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar
Reply #9 on: May 25, 2019, 13:47:26
New version  https://soundcloud.com/oorlab/into-the-dunes -organ added on advice from @Pleudoniem , softened the chords from the fender guitar (guitar playing shots), upped the vocal range a bit and condensed the outro (took out some sounds and did a faster fade.
Any further suggestion welcome.


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Re: Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar
Reply #10 on: May 25, 2019, 16:32:40
This one brought me an instant flashback.
The Crickets recorded an amount of wrongly neglected sides for Liberty with, of course Snuff Garrett as the in house producer.
And I stopped what I was doing and put on Parisian Girl.
I always leave your posts with a silly smile plastered on my face @oorlab .
Great track!
Keep on keepin on.
Kind regards, Gus


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Re: Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar
Reply #11 on: May 25, 2019, 18:46:26
Hi @oorlab  and @DonMar ,

No question. It's a keeper!

Loved the story... quirky as it is... not your usual love song. But it's a very real love with all the painful choices one has to make when loving a real person left out for all to see.

"Follow you faithfully into the ruins
You always leave behind"       I, for one, can really relate to these lines... as the one who leaves ruins... and hopes for love anyway. Since all I was doing was following my passion.

Dearly enjoyed the succession of tasty instrumental licks... the piano especially.

Great job you two... my ears are bent forward... hoping to hear more of your collaborations.

Later,
Stan

I'm a lyricist seeking music writers to work with.


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Re: Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar
Reply #12 on: May 25, 2019, 19:01:39
« Last Edit: May 26, 2019, 11:53:15 by DonMar »
@oorlab, I've just heard the updated version. Sounding very good.  ::thumb:: Thank you so much for the time and the effort you've put into this.    ;) ;) ;)

@Leonard Scaper, @Dutchbeat, @Marcus Nalgaber , @Jurgen , @robertkc , @Mora Amaro La Loba , @LePlongeur, and @smajor,  thank you very much for listening/reading, and for your kind and very helpful suggestions.

Stan, I got a kick out of your comment. ;) I hope that at least someone at some stage did follow you into the dunes.  :D

Donna
Honour the earth. Without It, we'd be nowhere. - D.D.


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Re: Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar
Reply #13 on: May 25, 2019, 19:21:21
Hi @DonMar ,

LOL regarding being followed into the dunes. Actually, I have been. Probably more times than I've deserved. 

Later,
Stan


Re: Into the Dunes - lyrics by Donmar
Reply #14 on: May 27, 2019, 02:00:03
Good work @oorlab I love this chord progression and the whole vibe. Reminiscent of The Beatles with the vocals.



xx
Dedicated to @DonMar

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