• Melody help for Invisible lyrics
  • Started by Redlady
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
  • Redlady
  • Vegetable Chef
  • *
  • Karma Hunter

    • 45


    • 8
    • May 22, 2020, 15:59:19
  • more
Melody help for Invisible lyrics
on: March 18, 2020, 09:39:00
Hi

I need melody help--any composers on the site.  this is the direction I want to go with this piece and of course you would songwriter credit for the music for the lyric:
This is just a work tape of the melody I have in my head. Open to collaboration or rewrite. Open to Music too if you want to collaborate.
I am looking of going in the direction of “Christina Aguilera – Beautiful–https://youtu.be/eAfyFTzZDMM
I am trying to make this have universal appeal.
When I finished writing this lyric –I thought of someone fearless singing this like Kelly Clarkson or Adele.
Please say more than you need rhymes. How does this lyric make you feel? Do you understand my storytelling?

 Invisible
© Schantell Wharton 2020
 
V1
I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
I have carried the weight on my body far too long
And the more I eat
The more invisible I become
I am forgotten each day
When you’re a big person
People look through you
It’s like you’re not there
Your Invisible–Invisible

Ch
Invisible–Invisible
I am standing right in front of you
I am sister, your daughter, your mother
I act like everything’s OK
But I am hurting deep inside
I want to be a wife
Have a husband and a life
But I am invisible–Invisible

V2
When your invisible
Men look past you
Some even make fun of you
Others turn away in disgust
And you die inside each time
I am a person under all my hurt
I’ve tried one to many times
The last time I tried to lose weight
They told me to love myself more
Don’t you think I care –I am invisible–Invisible

Bridge
Don’t tell me to lose weight
Don’t you think I have tried
I work out until I am almost dead
I have cut calories until I have starved
I fasted and almost fainted
When it comes to my weight–I struggle
I’m just invisible–Invisible–2x

V3
Maybe my dream man is out there
He’ll never get to see me
He can’t see past my weight
I cannot even ask him out
We’ll never go on a date
He’ll never see his children in my eyes
I never hold his baby in my arms
Getting to know you is out the question
He never sees you –your Invisible–Invisible

Ch
Invisible–Invisible
I am standing right in front of you
I am sister, your daughter, your mother
I act like everything’s OK
but I am hurting deep inside
I want to be a wife
Have a husband and a life
But I am invisible–Invisible—4x fades out


Re: Melody help for Invisible lyrics
Reply #1 on: March 18, 2020, 12:50:57
Hey @Redlady .....listening to you scratch in that melody I can hear that this could be a very big song. When you go into the chorus I can feel the build of energy.

I hope this resonates with someone.
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


Re: Melody help for Invisible lyrics
Reply #2 on: March 18, 2020, 13:46:38
I think this could be really cool @Redlady   …. I'd love to work on this …. but have been terrible, horribly awful to all the people I'm supposed to collaborate with  :(  Basically I'm not getting anything done.  :bonk:
So I will not volunteer for another project to not do.

I really think this has possibility.

I wonder if @gabrivux   @Susantaylor  @lu77  @Rachel_D  @Zedd  @DonMar  @1AmberRose1 @Kellyanneg  @Joon River  @Chris Spruit   @harriettornqvist   @Mylene   @Troispr    have any ideas for this song?  It needs a melody I think ….
Sorry for tagging so many women writer singer musicians.  :) Sorry if I missed someone who should have been tagged as well.  :)
Bill
Songwriter, Keyboards, Arranger, Producer & Engineer for November Sound

November Sound is based on the Mother, Father & Son musical trio of Melissa, Bill & Will. I'm the father so anything I post will have my wife singing and/or my son playing percussion.


Re: Melody help for Invisible lyrics
Reply #3 on: March 19, 2020, 09:50:16
Thanks for the tag @Bill from November Sound :) ...

Hi @Redlady ,

Thanks for sharing with us your lyric idea, I think it has the potential to become a great song :) ...  I have an initial idea for a melody for the song, I did a quick rough recording up to the first chorus (I made some small changes to the lyrics to fit better with the melody). Here is the link:

https://soundcloud.com/rachel_debattista/invisible-melody-idea/s-OBBzhhWUQW3

...What do you think?

Have a nice day,
Rachel
Rachel  ::Rachel::
https://.com/rachel_debattista


  • Redlady
  • Vegetable Chef
  • *
  • Karma Hunter

    • 45


    • 8
    • May 22, 2020, 15:59:19
  • more
Re: Melody help for Invisible lyrics
Reply #4 on: March 19, 2020, 10:48:09
« Last Edit: March 19, 2020, 11:50:08 by Redlady »
Hi Rachel
I love your voice. Can you do the whole song and make whatever lyrical changes you need to sing but please keep the meaning. Great job. I  can't wait to hear the finished song. Wow!!!!

Happy writing
Sincerely Schantell--Redlady

Ps: email me the mp3 please one with vocals & one without vocal just musical tract. Email me at redlady8029@gmail.com  Thanks for the the encouragement and helping.


  • LePlongeur
  • Sous Chef
  • *
  • In Tartiflette we trust

    • 1608


    • 370
    • Today at 06:26:54
    • Greater Amsterdam
  • more
Re: Melody help for Invisible lyrics
Reply #5 on: March 19, 2020, 13:49:19
I think this could be really cool @Redlady   …. I'd love to work on this …. but have been terrible, horribly awful to all the people I'm supposed to collaborate with  :(  Basically I'm not getting anything done.  :bonk:
So I will not volunteer for another project to not do.

I really think this has possibility.
.....
Sorry for tagging so many women writer singer musicians.  :) Sorry if I missed someone who should have been tagged as well.  :)

I hope you won’t see this as an attack, because it’s not intened as one.

Ella Fitzgerald’s songbook series for me are clearly one of the (theeeee) milestones in 50s American music. And I have all of them.
We had to wait untill the brill building generation before women got a voice. And what a voice!

Having explained the context I hope, the following:
Invisible nearly brought on huge emotions in the house of LePlongeur as it sat for I don’t know how long idle in the lyrics section.

I am glad that @Rachel_D has adopted this beauty.
But I still can’t see why only women are fit enough to tackle this. The other side of the same coin as why in the 50’s only men were good enough? @Bill from November Sound

To @Redlady I say: thumbs up; you’re in great hands.
Keep the faith. Can’t wait to hear the results.
Kind regards, Gus


Re: Melody help for Invisible lyrics
Reply #6 on: March 19, 2020, 15:49:54
Good point @LePlongeur  ... I agree.  :)  but .... @Redlady wrote it with the intention of a Christina Aguilera or an Adele to sing it. So I thought that @Rachel_D would be great. I also thought she might be too busy with her other collaborations. Therefore I tagged others who I thought could fit what she was looking for.

Also @Redlady when you type a members name it is best to type @     and then start typing the name and a box will appear  ...... select the member's name. The good thing about this way is that the member will be notified via email.
It really helps to keep the conversation going. :)

I'm thrilled that @Rachel_D is taking this one with you! It's going to awesome, I think.  :praise:
 


  • LePlongeur
  • Sous Chef
  • *
  • In Tartiflette we trust

    • 1608


    • 370
    • Today at 06:26:54
    • Greater Amsterdam
  • more
Re: Melody help for Invisible lyrics
Reply #7 on: March 19, 2020, 16:59:40
Sorry that I wasn’t clear enough @Bill from November Sound .
The name of the forum is: songwriter-forum-Kitchen.com. Hence my example of the Ella songbooks.
Written in a male dominated tradition, but sung by a very capable lady.
Very few Guys are at ease, singing what redlady wrote.
But I still believe that male or female songsmiths make very little difference here. That’s why I was amazed that only woman songwriters were tagged.

If I would select only men, many people would be unpleasantly surprised.
I really don’t see why only women would be OK, where only men would be discrimination.
Kind regards, Gus


Re: Melody help for Invisible lyrics
Reply #8 on: March 19, 2020, 17:38:28
Sorry that I wasn’t clear enough @Bill from November Sound .
The name of the forum is: songwriter-forum-Kitchen.com. Hence my example of the Ella songbooks.
Written in a male dominated tradition, but sung by a very capable lady.
Very few Guys are at ease, singing what redlady wrote.
But I still believe that male or female songsmiths make very little difference here. That’s why I was amazed that only woman songwriters were tagged.

If I would select only men, many people would be unpleasantly surprised.
I really don’t see why only women would be OK, where only men would be discrimination.
Kind regards, Gus

Ha  :D  @LePlongeur  I'm sure you can tag any kitchen man you want who you think sings like Adele or Christina Aguilera !!!  ;D
I said I was sorry if there was anyone I missed and in that apology I did not specify male or female.
I was just trying to help out a new member who's writing some cool songs.

Plus I work with a female led band in a world where the local music scene always means an old man strumming a guitar and singing. You know what it's like when you go to the local restaurant and have the nerve to suggest they try a new musician .... and that musician .... is .... gasp .. :o.. a woman .... ? They look at you like your insane.     :(  It's sad. .... and when your local place starts putting old man extrovert singer once a month and you once a season ..... even though you're the top draw at the place. .... I have, perhaps, a better perspective on this than most.


  • LePlongeur
  • Sous Chef
  • *
  • In Tartiflette we trust

    • 1608


    • 370
    • Today at 06:26:54
    • Greater Amsterdam
  • more
Re: Melody help for Invisible lyrics
Reply #9 on: March 19, 2020, 19:26:22
OK, you win. I apologize for bringing it up. I can’t seem to be able to let you see the difference between someone who writes the music and someone who sings the lyrics to the melody.
It’s all a bit pointless so I am really sorry that I made you angry.
I am absolutely convinced that R. will do a terrific job. The lyricist already did that...
Kind regards, Gus


Re: Melody help for Invisible lyrics
Reply #10 on: March 20, 2020, 12:06:55
@Rachel_D .....you sound fantastic singing @Redlady 's piece. I will be watching this wonderful collab develop.

And.....kudos to you @Bill from November Sound for setting this up and to you too @LePlongeur for stirring the pot a little to get us all thinking.


  • LePlongeur
  • Sous Chef
  • *
  • In Tartiflette we trust

    • 1608


    • 370
    • Today at 06:26:54
    • Greater Amsterdam
  • more
Re: Melody help for Invisible lyrics
Reply #11 on: March 20, 2020, 12:58:35
Thank you @Leonard Scaper for always seeing the good in everybody. The phase of kiss and make up between @Bill from November Sound  and myself is well under way.
Corona-wise the kissing lacks conviction and the make up isn't really going to sit well in the part of the US where Bill lives. So we have to be cautious. Patience and Prudence I believe is needed. Hey, where did I hear that one before...

This collab is going to set all differences aside. I am really convinced this is so.
Watch what happens! (Please)
Kind regards, Gus


Re: Melody help for Invisible lyrics
Reply #12 on: March 20, 2020, 13:16:33
I just want the record to state that I'm not angry with anyone.

 ;)

:shinyteeth:


Re: Melody help for Invisible lyrics
Reply #13 on: March 20, 2020, 13:41:08
This collab is going to set all differences aside.

vive la différence!!

 8)


  • LePlongeur
  • Sous Chef
  • *
  • In Tartiflette we trust

    • 1608


    • 370
    • Today at 06:26:54
    • Greater Amsterdam
  • more
Re: Melody help for Invisible lyrics
Reply #14 on: March 21, 2020, 09:16:19
Yes, and in this case, the differences are visible @Redlady, @Leonard Scaper
Kind regards, Gus



xx
Binladeda, CrystalSuzy and DB collab...lyrics,vocals and singing melody by Suzy

Started by Dutchbeat on Songs for review

6 Replies
690 Views
Last post October 11, 2014, 16:58:57
by Dutchbeat
xx
Invisible

Started by Redlady on Lyrics

5 Replies
572 Views
Last post March 18, 2020, 08:49:41
by Redlady
xx
INVISIBLE GEAR! why not??????

Started by Dutchbeat on The kitchen café

3 Replies
499 Views
Last post January 20, 2015, 23:49:32
by Dutchbeat
xx
Invisible War - Ashes for Dreams (Jambrains & Zedd)

Started by Zedd on Songs for review

8 Replies
698 Views
Last post September 13, 2017, 18:47:20
by Goatrelated
xx
Personal approach in melody composing?

Started by Brendan7 on Songwriting Ingredients

16 Replies
1071 Views
Last post May 13, 2020, 14:53:41
by Bill from November Sound