• Mississippi Rain - New one.
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Mississippi Rain - New one.
on: December 09, 2016, 06:29:15
Ok this is a new one.. Probably too late to rewrite but comments on the mix and overall song are highly appreciated!
Thanks in Advance
EB

https://soundcloud.com/eric-blossman/mississippi-rain

Mississippi Rain
Verse 1
Our last summer in Jackson
Seems like just yesterday… yeah
Should have known those bright lights
Someday would carry you away
Those summer nights at the lake back then
We’d throw a blanket down and then
couple of longnecks later we swore it would never end

Bridge
Now I’m standing in the road as the rain keeps falling down
Just past your old house down on Sutherland street
And I have to smile when I think about you now

Chorus
You put your feet on my dashboard girl you were something else.
How we stayed out of trouble my lord is anyone’s guess
And Although it’s been a while It still feels the same
Just soaked to my shoes in Jackson
Where you left here me in the Mississippi rain
In the Mississippi rain

Verse 2
I hear you’re still trying to work it out
Again, and again
 Still Chasing those bright lights
that suckered you in
And I hope that someday
 You will let it all go
And come back to Jackson girl
it’s always been your home

Bridge
Chorus out


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Re: Mississippi Rain - New one.
Reply #1 on: December 09, 2016, 08:22:10
Hi @eblossman,

Lovely production, like the rest of your songs I've heard.

Wonderful vocals too, totally professional. Rich and soulful.

The problem is that you're getting into the whole genre of rain. A genre pretty well covered by Lightfoot, Hiatt, and Rabbitt. And others, I'm sure. And there's also a problem with relationship dynamics.

So... when I approach a song entitled "Mississippi Rain" I'm going to be thinking what will I hear that's different?

Verse 1... small town boy with a girl who has her eyes fixed on wider horizons. Okay. It's a workable story.

Bridge... he's standin' in the rain... and he's smiling as he thinks about a woman who is now God knows where?

Chorus... and now he's soakin' his shoes in Jackson over a girl "chasing those bright lights". Sorry. But the dude looks like a doofus out in the rain while she, at least, is chasing "bright lights".

Chorus 2... who's been "suckered in" to what? He was on one standing in the rain the last we heard.

I'm rooting for the "girl" out there doing something. The "small town boy" looks just like that... a small town boy. He's not holding his own. Why in the world would she ever come back to him? Can you think of a reason?

This is probably not what you were expecting, but you said comments would be "highly appreciated"... and I commented.

Later,
Stan

I'm a lyricist seeking music writers to work with.


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Re: Mississippi Rain - New one.
Reply #2 on: December 09, 2016, 15:11:24
Stan,
I appreciate your comments..   Interesting perspective as I am not sure personally a song would be as interesting to me as a listener if he was pulling for her and not wanting for her to come home.   Nor would it make sense if I were building him up personally to where you didn't feel like he was a "dufus standing in the rain"     Thanks for your comments as I did ask for them and welcome them.   
EB


Re: Mississippi Rain - New one.
Reply #3 on: December 09, 2016, 15:44:22
super pro! really good song. i like elton john so theres no reason for me not to love this.
cant help that i love the theme of hometowns/coming home ... <3

pretty much perfect in my opinion. keep doing this.


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Re: Mississippi Rain - New one.
Reply #4 on: December 09, 2016, 17:11:07
Thanks TB!
Much appreciated!
EB


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Re: Mississippi Rain - New one.
Reply #5 on: December 09, 2016, 19:56:00
sounds good to me, the mix is full and good: WOW  :o :o :o
me, myself, and Pie


Re: Mississippi Rain - New one.
Reply #6 on: December 09, 2016, 20:38:35
Hi,

yes, this is a very good song and a great production. The piano could sound a bit more real, though.

Reminds me of the songs I used to listen to on our parties when I was 15 (20 years ago). Sometimes, sounds a bit like Jessie.

Keep up the good work!

Fabian


Re: Mississippi Rain - New one.
Reply #7 on: December 09, 2016, 21:41:21
@eblossman This is great and frankly as an amateur I don't have any comments on the wonderful recording, mix and production

Stan really went ninja on the lyric (I'm feeling kind of relieved that he has hasn't yet taken out his razor sharp analyis to one of my own lyrics ouch!:))! But my take would be that there are lots of people who stay put where they are (for all kinds of good reasons) and they can mourn a great love who goes off in search of something (which maybe they don't always find). Sometimes both people might have been happier staying together where they were. That's the mystery in life eh? And I think your lyric does a really nice job summing that up.

Anyway just my tuppence worth

Great track!


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Re: Mississippi Rain - New one.
Reply #8 on: December 09, 2016, 22:10:57
Thank you sir!    To be honest I don't mind the criticism at all.     You get used to is in the business.    Music and lyrics are so subjective and everyone's experience is different when they hear it.     I post on the boards to hear the criticism and it gives me the perspectives to make the next one better.    In this particular case I do understand where he is coming form as I struggled with those same issues when I wrote it.     The trouble is when you start down the path of asking too many "why's" you lose sight of the fact that the listener is going to fill in some of the blanks with their own experiences.    In this case, in a country tune most country fans look at living in a small town as a positive one and not someone who is a "dufus" as he eloquently put it.      If I were to use that logic I would have to eliminate most of all of the top 100 country songs today.      Country music fans are proud of being from small towns and that is not a negative.    so although I welcome the criticism, I don't necessarily agree with all of it.       I have a lot of placements this year and all is going well so I am not looking to re-create the wheel.

Just my two cents.


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Re: Mississippi Rain - New one.
Reply #9 on: December 09, 2016, 23:48:14
Hi @eblossman

I'm glad to see you've taken my critique in the spirit it was meant Eric  :)

You're clearly pushing hard to create commercial songs and I know how hard it is to break into that market. Gotta bring your A game.

I spent time in both L.A. and Nashville and had my own lyrics busted down to confetti any number of times. That's how I learned.

And you're absolutely right to make your own decision about how much of anyone's critique to take and how much to leave. In the end it's your work, not anyone else's.

Later,
Stan





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Re: Mississippi Rain - New one.
Reply #10 on: December 10, 2016, 00:29:32
Thanks Nic!     Yes...   I am happy with the lyrics and even after Stan's comments I am still going with them.    I do, however as in every song I write I send out for custom critiques and crowd reviews to gauge whether or not I push the song or shelve it.    That is yet to be determined.   Stan could be right and I could get hammered on the lyrics.     If so, it goes in the pile.     

Stan,
I don't feel like I am breaking into the biz any more.    I have 4 placements that have come out this year alone in films and I have 9 additional Taxi forwards up for consideration.   I also won the 2016 Grand Prize at the American Songwriting awards so it has been a pretty good year for me and yes I bring the A game.      I left it all on the field on this one and am happy with it.    I wouldn't take it in the direction you suggested.   If it doesn't do well then we move on and try again.    With that being said, I do appreciate your comments and wish you all the best.   


Re: Mississippi Rain - New one.
Reply #11 on: December 10, 2016, 03:40:53
« Last Edit: December 10, 2016, 03:42:47 by M57 »
Superbly produced, the performances are pro, Clearly you have song-writing chops (and awards to prove it) but the song falls flat for me. I'll give it my best shot in the critique dept.

For me the song comes across as a strange amalgamation of styles.  The progression at the beginning (and maybe the way the piano plays it) sounds like it was written in the 70's for the Carpenters to sing.  I dunno, it just feels dated to my ears.  Juxtaposing that with a meaty heavily distorted guitar solo just feels awkward and forced - it's too noodle-y as it steps on the vocals in the chorus.  The solo guitar work is impeccable, but it just sounds like a collection of stock licks from the the 70's.  I just feel like the song needs something contemporary going on..

Your vocal cadences in the verses and especially the pre-chorus tend to be more lick-oriented than melodic.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, but they're not sticking in my brain as being memorable.  There are a lot of close rhymes and unusual melodic rhythms at the ends of phrases and the melodies often feel like they were driven by the progressions, and not the other way around.  I think a lot of our melodies are driven by progressions (I know mine are) - I think the trick is often to know when they shouldn't be.

The melody in the chorus with the three part harmony is the best writing in the tune IMO, which brings me to the question I always ask with any piece of music. Who or what is the star?  What makes it memorable? The melody, lyrics, singer, piano, guitar?? In this case, I believe it needs to be the melodies and the band/arrangement.

Even though I find the song in general to be not very memorable, I realize I could be dead wrong and I wonder that it might not be killer if it was produced/arranged to sound more like the Eagles.  Harmonies in the verses and oohs and ash for starters.

I sense in your posts that you are a confident song-writer with a healthy ego, and willing to listen to critiques. You're a pro so I hope you don't mind that I'm not sugar-coating this one.  It's all subjective of course so it should be easy to ignore.

Best with this one.. -Mark

PS, What you call a bridge I call a pre-chorus.


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Re: Mississippi Rain - New one.
Reply #12 on: December 10, 2016, 15:41:01
Thanks Mark,    No need for sugar-coating here.     I can take it!      I agree with the ooh's and aah's as I was going in that direction but time ran out and I had to get it in.     We will see if it works or not.   So far, I have heard from both sides of the spectrum some love it some hate it.      It may not work for this listing and that's ok.    I have plenty of songs that never went anywhere.    You keep writing and go on.
Thanks for your comments!
EB


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Re: Mississippi Rain - New one.
Reply #13 on: December 10, 2016, 18:11:40
Hi @eblossman,

Congratulations on your successes Eric. May they continue. You're doing better than I ever did.

Later,
Stan


Re: Mississippi Rain - New one.
Reply #14 on: December 10, 2016, 18:45:09
Howdy folks!

Hey @eblossman! This tune has all the earmarks of a good country song. I'm hearing lots of good hooks and country images....even feet up on the dashboard. I listen to a lot of country radio because those folks really know how to write and produce a song.....this is surely a good example of that.

This is classic country to my taste. A lot of what I hear on the radio is drifting toward pop and has more of a modern edge.

 ::Rachel::

"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

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