• Myself (Demo)
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Myself (Demo)
on: August 01, 2019, 12:00:31
Hello here's another new one, I wrote it yesterday and have just recorded an acoustic demo. I'd love some feedback on the song please, maybe some help with the phrasing in the chorus?v Oh and there's a little surprise for anyone who listens to the end ;)

Lyrics

Floating round on the breeze
That is my mind
Climbing trees just to see
Exactly is my crime
I've never been this hungry
All I want it what's mine
Cos i'm free to believe
I ain't run out of time

Chorus
I'll wait
Oh I'll wait
I'll just wait
For myself

2nd verse

Look into your northern eyes
What will I see
That ain't blue they ain't green
That's alright with me
Take my hand take my heart
Take what you need
Leave behind just enough
For me to breathe



Re: Myself (Demo)
Reply #1 on: August 01, 2019, 14:22:10
Hi @realkevm that sounds like it's going to be good!  :thumbsup:

Quote
Look into your northern eyes
What will I see
What does this mean? Is it an England thing?  just wondering  :-\

The "for myself" part of the chorus stands out for me good and bad . Good: It's cool and kind of sheds light on the meaning of the song .Bad: This is one of those sections where you have to make sure exactly what pitches you are singing .. It sounds too indefinite currently.... but I know you've been working really hard to fix these issues so I'm sure you'll make it happen with this one!  :)
It's an important part of the song. It deserves to be more precise. Play that part note for note on your guitar and then copy with your voice.

I like this song a lot. It definitely has a classic rock sing along kind of feel like "gimme the beat boys to free my soul" sort of thing! I believe it will work well for your gigs so keep on going with it!
 
Bill
Songwriter, Keyboards, Arranger, Producer & Engineer for November Sound

November Sound is based on the Mother, Father & Son musical trio of Melissa, Bill & Will. I'm the father so anything I post will have my wife singing and/or my son playing percussion.


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Re: Myself (Demo)
Reply #2 on: August 01, 2019, 16:10:50
Hi Bill, yeah it's kind of a phrase here,  I ahem borrowed the phrase from a song by The Hybirds called 'Reeling' ( )

It really was a first demo and soI can get guidance where I can improve, i'm not overly happy with the lyrics for the chorus. You are right about emphasis on the 'Myself' part make it a bit more poignant thanks for pointing that out  :)



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Re: Myself (Demo)
Reply #3 on: August 03, 2019, 03:33:43
This is a good start @realkevm - and it works as demo to show how this might develop.

I agree with @Bill from November Sound re: the chorus - it's not sounding as strong (yet) as it could be.

I like the melody but I think it's a bit too repetitive and might need some additional words, even just a small tweak.

i.e
I'll wait
I'll patiently wait
I take my time and wait
Just waiting for myself

feel free to disregard those ideas though!   :)

Look forward to this one developing - it's always good to hear demos and then later versions. That's a great thing about the kitchen, you can post early and get some ideas and help from others that can change a song for the better.

cheers


Re: Myself (Demo)
Reply #4 on: August 05, 2019, 02:33:44
@realkevm This could work very well with power chords, distortion and an aggressive punk beat. Yes, punk. When you do this, the dissonance might even work just splendidly. I'd lower the singing volume a bit then, as it is a little too loud in comparison. 
Pleudoniem: composer; bass guitarist; guitarist; singer; drummer; tap-guitarist - o, and yes... erm- a bit of keys. Open for collabs.
SoundCloud Page: https://soundcloud.com/pleudoniem


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Re: Myself (Demo)
Reply #5 on: August 05, 2019, 08:30:48
@Jurgen Thanks man, I changed the chorus up now and the second part of it goes 'I miss..'  so it's slightly less repetitive lol  you're right that is a great thing about this place :)

@Pleudoniem Great idea mate, i'm going to record a version like that and see where it takes me :)


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Re: Myself (Demo)
Reply #6 on: August 29, 2019, 16:34:09
Hey i've recorded a live acoustic 1+1 version at home so you can see how the song has evolved. I've taken it down (up) a key too and it seems to suit my voice better. I've played the song live a couple of times already and it's had a decent reaction. Please let met know what you think to how things are going.



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Re: Myself (Demo)
Reply #7 on: September 16, 2019, 10:10:28
Hi here's a raw and loud electric version, what do you think to this direction (besides the timing issues) :)



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Re: Myself (Demo)
Reply #8 on: September 16, 2019, 14:04:57
 I like this electric version.......in fact, I like your electric style....just go for it!! I think you like playing electric.  :)
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


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Re: Myself (Demo)
Reply #9 on: September 17, 2019, 13:59:44
Thanks man I do



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