• New song: Dear Sunshine
  • Started by Jellody
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  • Jellody
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New song: Dear Sunshine
on: June 27, 2019, 20:11:25
Hi Mates,

I've made a feelgood song about my love for the sun. It's called 'Dear sunshine':
https://soundcloud.com/jellody/dear-sunshine-feat-matt-sky-demo/s-BvujR

Thank you for the feedback in advance!

LYRICS

Dear sunshine
Can you promise me you’ll stay
Dear sunshine
You put a smile on my face today

When I walking in the street
I can feel my heart beat
With the sunshine on my face
I'm feeling fine, Im ok



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Re: New song: Dear Sunshine
Reply #1 on: June 27, 2019, 20:17:38
Very cool tune...sounds great!

I wanted more, though.  :)

Consider stretching out what is now the ending and then swinging back into an extended repeating chorus....because that chorus REALLY works!
"The main thing is to have a gutsy approach....but use your head." Julia Child

 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

"Special thanks to Steve Gleason for making me who I am today." Leonard Scaper

Lenny's Tunes: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_music.cfm?bandID=540680

https://soundcloud.com/vincentgleason


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Re: New song: Dear Sunshine
Reply #2 on: June 28, 2019, 02:21:45
Hi @Jellody

This isn't quite my cup of tea but in saying that I enjoyed it. The layers works and it has a nice bouncy pop feel to it. I can imagine someone playing this live with a looper pedal, gradually building up the layers.

@Leonard Scaper makes a good point re the length. It could be longer based on his suggestions, but in saying that, I do like a short song. There's an art in keeping a song short as it's easy to add bits but not so easy deciding what to remove.

cheers


Re: New song: Dear Sunshine
Reply #3 on: June 28, 2019, 02:57:01
The vocalising opening drew me in @Jellody and I was feeling the warm poppy sweetness of this...and then its over :farewell:
The repetions are all that you need, just maybe some variations on the theme.
I guess I wanted more - take that as a compliment since the vocals/arrangement are fine and I think its probably got commercial potential.

Robert


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Re: New song: Dear Sunshine
Reply #4 on: June 29, 2019, 12:48:46
Thanks for the comments and feedback  :ok:



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