• New song I'm about to record any thoughts welcome. Split-screen video
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  • muso1070
  • Junior Cook
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  • Karma Hunter

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    • July 06, 2020, 13:50:18
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Just finished a new song and did a little split screen live video for it.
Would be great to hear any feedback before I go about recording this one in the studio.
Lyrics also attached below.
Thanks :)



Lyrics

I've been thinking, It could be time
Build a wood house, Cedar, Oak and Pine
Fix the land up follow our dreams
Oh the sweetest thoughts, this is what I see

Cause I'm waiting on the Sun
If we plan It our day will come
It just takes time on the curve
So we're waiting, waiting on the Sun

You've been thinking the timings right
Chase the feeling that grows inside
Close an old door for a new life
Oh with a glimmer of hope, set this thing alight

Cause you're waiting on the Sun
If we plan It our day will come
It just takes time on the curve
So we're waiting, waiting on the Sun
                     
Instrumental
Oh.... Oh....Oh...  waiting ...
Oh.... Oh....Oh... waiting ...

I've been thinking, It could be time
Build a wood house, Cedar, Oak and Pine
Fix the land up follow our dreams
Oh the sweetest thoughts, this is what I see


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Hi @muso1070 , i just wanted to say i enjoyed this track and video, a very nice song  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
me, myself, and Pie


  • GTB
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    • June 19, 2020, 15:13:54
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That's a great song, beautiful.

I thought the vocals were a bit low in the mix, which distracted me from fully enjoying it.  I look forward to a studio version though because you obviously have a great voice.
G
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I really like this song a lot. i know this is just a demo but you still got the feeling of hope for a new life across. 

One thing that caught me as I listened and then listened again, is the last line in the verses. All three times that line felt a bit awkward for you.....maybe a bit wordy. You can probably work that out in performance but you could consider some minor lyric changes.......something like:

Oh the sweetest thoughts, are what I see

and

Oh with hope's glimmer, set this thing alight

Just a thought. I know you'll do what's best for the song.....and it IS a good one.

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 "In a world of robotic conformity, the only originality left in music is the imperfections" Eric Craptone

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Hey Muso... nice song - and I think lots of possibilities to consider from an arrangement perspective. I can hear a subtle snare driven shuffle on the verses  to give it syncopation - and then perhaps pull back to halftime for the first chorus - so that the second verse can lift. I would also then intoduce bass and some short strings too to mirror the vocal. The nice guitar line you have going on in the verse you can also double with falsetto vocal to make it a really haunting hook. That hook could also be a nice way to open the track?

Nice to hear songs like this - so much potential and so many options.
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  • muso1070
  • Junior Cook
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  • Karma Hunter

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    • July 06, 2020, 13:50:18
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Hi @muso1070 , i just wanted to say i enjoyed this track and video, a very nice song  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

Brilliant glad to hear all good thanks ;-)


  • muso1070
  • Junior Cook
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  • Karma Hunter

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    • 6
    • July 06, 2020, 13:50:18
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That's a great song, beautiful.

I thought the vocals were a bit low in the mix, which distracted me from fully enjoying it.  I look forward to a studio version though because you obviously have a great voice.
G

Hey thanks very much.
I totally agree, unfortunately  in this particular song the guitar is a little louder than the voice with out the good mics. Just the cam phone etc
Tried to help more there with eq after but only so much I could do with that.
It'll be better in proper recording ;-)


  • muso1070
  • Junior Cook
  • *
  • Karma Hunter

    • 9


    • 6
    • July 06, 2020, 13:50:18
  • more
I really like this song a lot. i know this is just a demo but you still got the feeling of hope for a new life across. 

One thing that caught me as I listened and then listened again, is the last line in the verses. All three times that line felt a bit awkward for you.....maybe a bit wordy. You can probably work that out in performance but you could consider some minor lyric changes.......something like:

Oh the sweetest thoughts, are what I see

and

Oh with hope's glimmer, set this thing alight

Just a thought. I know you'll do what's best for the song.....and it IS a good one.


Thanks I do appreciate you saying that, It can be hard trying to make certain words or a sentence work.
I think I probably did linger over those for a while when finishing the thing lol not easy sometimes.


  • muso1070
  • Junior Cook
  • *
  • Karma Hunter

    • 9


    • 6
    • July 06, 2020, 13:50:18
  • more
Hey Muso... nice song - and I think lots of possibilities to consider from an arrangement perspective. I can hear a subtle snare driven shuffle on the verses  to give it syncopation - and then perhaps pull back to halftime for the first chorus - so that the second verse can lift. I would also then intoduce bass and some short strings too to mirror the vocal. The nice guitar line you have going on in the verse you can also double with falsetto vocal to make it a really haunting hook. That hook could also be a nice way to open the track?

Nice to hear songs like this - so much potential and so many options.

Thanks yes I have a whole bunch of ideas, thinking also maybe keeping it acoustic and just layering it up some with 3/4 different ideas. Sometimes less is more as they say. Maybe just a few harmonies to with the extra guitar stuff. You definitely could do a fuller version.
Thanks for the feedback bud  :D



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